DHS Official Considered Shock Collars For Air Travelers 673
"The Washington Times is reporting that the DHS wants to replace your boarding pass with a GPS-enabled shock bracelet. Plans for the device include subduing passengers remotely as well as onboard interrogation. There's even a promotional video."
Perhaps Paul Ruwaldt (the official named in this story) has been watching "The Coneheads" a bit too much, or not actually flying enough. Expressing interest is not quite the same as ordering mass quantities, but it's scary enough.
Shocking ! (Score:5, Funny)
Not far enough (Score:2, Funny)
I require that this proposal be expanded to full body suits. I don't trust that a simple bracelet or collar can deliver the level of shock necessary to fight the terrorists.
I'd also like to see waterboarding apparatus installed in the bathrooms. Speed is of the essence, and taking the time to divert the plane to Gitmo for proper torture could be the few precious hours the terrorists need to steal our liberty.
The Onion (Score:5, Funny)
Hahaha, man.. The Onion has the best articles!
Hahaha... wait, wtf?!
%#$$%#@!!!
Oh no (Score:5, Funny)
Instead of shocking people with a collar (Score:5, Funny)
...why not just show them Slashdot's new interface?
That's ok (Score:2, Funny)
As long as I can zap the screaming kid kicking the back of my seat. Or the obnoxious drunk who won't shut up. I can see it now. It would be like the Simpsons at the family counseling office all zapping each other. Very entertaining.
Re:Nothing to see here, move along (Score:5, Funny)
Why did this fake story even get posted?
Because it's amusing? If only they had tagged it with a Monty-Python style foot and posted it to 'idle' so that we had some indication that it was silly instead of serious news...
Re:Morans (Score:3, Funny)
I will dissolve the DHS
How will the Emperor maintain control without the bureaucracy?
Re:Dangerous slide (Score:3, Funny)
I predict a great future for video conferencing companies.
Dear Terrorists... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:WTF? (Score:5, Funny)
No, TSA-mandated 12" exploding buttplugs would be scary. (which is what it'll take for the public to wake up)
Shock collar boarding passes are merely funny.
Re:Dangerous slide (Score:3, Funny)
Amen, brother. Don't even get me started on not carrying 100ml of fluid or taking my shoes off at the security gate. Forget Loose-Change style "Bush did it" conspiracy theories, Al Qaeda is probably a puppet of the security companies.
Re:Dangerous slide (Score:5, Funny)
Yeah, go waaaay beyond "papers please" and treat *all* of your citizens as animals when they travel.
There. Fixed that for you.
Re:Dangerous slide (Score:5, Funny)
Wrong!
If they put a shock collar on me, I'd blow the damn plane up on general principle.
Re:Dangerous slide (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Shocking ! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:WTF? (Score:4, Funny)
I dunno... exploding 12" butt plugs sound funny to me.
I'm all for it (Score:4, Funny)
Forget Coneheads (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Dangerous slide (Score:3, Funny)
Re:So what if I... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Dangerous slide (Score:4, Funny)
My work here is done (Score:5, Funny)
I found the problem with your post.
Re:On a practical note. . . (Score:2, Funny)
but all later aircraft are rated for aerobatics.
The 777 for instance, can take the same stresses a fighter jet can. The wings can be warped beyond 45 degrees before they disintegrate. Modern aircraft are incredibly durable.
Take that! (Score:1, Funny)
What a great way to get little Johnny from kicking the back of your seat. :)
Re:Dangerous slide (Score:3, Funny)
A flight I was on within a couple months after 9/11 (Jan 02) the pilot came on the intercom pre-flight and thankd everyone for flying with him. He also noted that should anyone try anything "funny" he would like to remind the rest of the passengers that there are more of them than any bad guys that may be aboard. This was met with resounding applause.
Also, note that the fire extinguishers placed in well marked, easily accessible locations, make excellent bludgeons and the spray is good for a short term blinding as well.
-nB
Too complicated (Score:3, Funny)
Why not just shoot people on sight as they arrive?
Let's skip the shocking & make it go boom inst (Score:1, Funny)
Here's a better idea: Instead of shocking, just turn those collars into miniature bombs. After all, the authorities _must_ be correct, right? Small flick of a button, a small boom, and one less terrorist! And if they're wrong... wait, they can be wrong?
Obligatory Southpark quote (Score:0, Funny)