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Space The Almighty Buck Idle Entertainment

No Space Porn (For Now) 260

Posted by timothy
from the perpetual-virgin-galactic dept.
With the entry to sub-orbital flight, and even orbital flight, becoming ever so slightly easier, the obvious thought of space porn kicks in. Who wouldn't want to see two or more people going at it like rabbits in a weightless environment (or at least trying to go at it like rabbits in a weightless environment)? Sadly, Virgin Galactic has turned down a $1 million offer to do just that. The offer was made by an unidentified party who was willing to put the money up front to do a space porn movie. Considering that a flight aboard VG costs $200,000 for a two-hour flight, $1 million doesn't seem too bad. Though how much you could actually do and perform in two hours is debatable. And what if one or more of the actors gets sick?
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No Space Porn (For Now)

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  • by Anonymous Coward on Thursday October 02, 2008 @06:03PM (#25239335)
    Two girls, one spaceship.
    • by nine-times (778537) <nine.times@gmail.com> on Thursday October 02, 2008 @06:21PM (#25239563) Homepage

      It was gross enough when it was just a tiny little cup. If you expect two girls to fill a whole spaceship, those are going to be some big girls.

    • by SimonInOz (579741) on Thursday October 02, 2008 @06:49PM (#25239963)

      You know, I didn't think anybody remembered "Two Girls Two Catamarans"

      (And in case you didn't, it's about a maverick sailboat designer who builds a cat and duly sails it across an ocean with the 2 girls - actually I think he did it twice, with 2 different boats. Not sure if it was 2 girls each time or not. Anyway, This was James Wharram in the 1950s, before sailing carts were even believed in at all [obviously the Micronesians didn't count. Obviously]. He went on to have a happy life building and designing cheap sailing catamarans with his partner. Their plans always had (have) sweet drawing of naked girls sitting about on said cats. And he is still at it).

      The book is out of print, sadly, See Wharram (http://wharram.com/sales/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=11&products_id=73)

      • Re: (Score:2, Funny)

        by Anonymous Coward

        "Their plans always had (have) sweet drawing of naked girls sitting about on said cats."

        There is a line there about naked girls and pussies, but I'm not touching it... I'm gay

    • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

      by dziban303 (540095)
      There is some evidence that NASA et al has had astronauts have sex in space, all in the name of science, of course--so I think exoatmospheric porn has already been made. Personally, I doubt there would be enough traction to grind effectively without the use of straps or (interesting idea?) bungee cords. Although the money shots would be pretty cool: bukkake from across the room--er, module? C'mon, who wouldn't pay $20 to watch "catch the cumwad in your mouth from the other side of the Destiny module"? Besid
      • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

        by SL Baur (19540)

        "There is some evidence that NASA et al has had astronauts have sex in space, all in the name of science, of course--so I think exoatmospheric porn has already been made."

        Sources, please. I have suspicions, but it is just a guess. When I saw the list of shuttle astronauts with pictures from an internal NASA news letter in the early 1980's I circled one picture. http://space.about.com/cs/deceasedastronaut/a/judithresnik.htm [about.com]

        • by SkyDude (919251)

          Sources, please

          Here's your source [youtube.com]

        • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

          by niktemadur (793971)

          I distinctly remember news back in the mid-eighties about NASA sending a married couple into orbit, as part of a Shuttle crew. Needless to say, speculation ran rampant about sexy experiments in space, newscasters displaying a deadpan nod-nod-wink-wink attitude towards the whole thing. However, NASA being what it is, mentioned nothing about the topic in press releases either before nor after.
          So all we have to show for anything is the end scene from Moonraker, with Bond and Dr Goodhead (yet another classic

      • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

        by mangu (126918)

        the money shots would be pretty cool: bukkake from across the room

        Is it just me, or haven't we all dreamed of wanking off so hard the cum hits the ceiling?...

      • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

        by Malevolyn (776946)
        You and I should be best friends.
    • by quenda (644621) on Thursday October 02, 2008 @08:40PM (#25241031)
      The Virgin "two-hour" flight includes only "up to six minutes" of weightlessness. Its like a bigger version of the Vomit Comet. So you ain't going to have time to shoot a zero-G period drama. What else but pr0n in that time? With multiple camera angles and some slow-mo, you might stretch it to a 15-minute reel.
  • Gah (Score:4, Funny)

    by gilgongo (57446) on Thursday October 02, 2008 @06:03PM (#25239337) Homepage Journal

    There was a time when sex was interesting. Now it's just boring.

  • by Talgrath (1061686) on Thursday October 02, 2008 @06:03PM (#25239349)

    Think of the mess that a facial would make in zero-G environments...the whole ship would be all sticky.

    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      by Like2Byte (542992)

      I know why they turned it down (Score:3, Interesting)
      by Talgrath (1061686) Alter Relationship on Thursday October 02, @06:03PM (#25239349 [slashdot.org])

      Think of the mess that a facial would make in zero-G environments...the whole ship would be all sticky.

      0_o

      +3 Interesting? I gotta find a new crowd.

  • New Title (Score:5, Funny)

    by DigiShaman (671371) on Thursday October 02, 2008 @06:03PM (#25239351) Homepage

    Zero-G-Spot

  • re-write (Score:5, Funny)

    by globaljustin (574257) <justinglobal@gmB ... minus physicist> on Thursday October 02, 2008 @06:04PM (#25239363) Homepage Journal

    >And what if one or more of the actors gets sick?

    This is porn, right? You could write that into the script!

  • hah (Score:2, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward

    And what if one or more of the actors gets sick?

    then it'd just be recategorized at the site/store

  • Duh (Score:5, Funny)

    by jdc180 (125863) on Thursday October 02, 2008 @06:05PM (#25239383)

    Virgin Galactic would have to change it's name!

  • Why not just use a zero-G environment on the ground?

    • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

      by philspear (1142299)

      Uh... where on earth is there zero gravity... on earth? Underwater is apperantly hazardous to women's heath. In one of those skydiving simulators could be interesting, albeit noisy, and getting chapped would be a concern for me anyway. While actually skydiving has definitely been done.

      Anyway, duh: SPACE: the final frontier! To boldly go where no man has gone before!

      • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

        by Anonymous Coward

        To boldly go where no man has gone before!

        To boldly come where no man has come before

        There, fixed that for you

    • by Deadstick (535032)

      Two words: Forty-five seconds.

      rj

    • by Massacrifice (249974) on Thursday October 02, 2008 @06:24PM (#25239609)

      It's been done :

      http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0310288/ [imdb.com]

      "Nick Lang and Silvia Saint's sex scene was filmed in free-fall aboard NASA's "vomit comet", in order to simulate zero-gravity."

    • by nbert (785663)
      Gravity - the only force you can't avoid by shielding. So unless you do it all in free fall to create a similar experience you are pretty much stuck with space.

      Btw: I remember someone produced a porn movie using parabolic flight when porn tried to go mainstream. Since I haven't heard of it again I assume that sex in free fall isn't as exciting as the illusion of banging the girl next door ;)
  • "how much you could actually do and perform in two hours is debatable"

    Are you kidding me? 10 minutes should be enough for everyone!

  • New tag (Score:5, Funny)

    by halcyon1234 (834388) <halcyon1234@hotmail.com> on Thursday October 02, 2008 @06:13PM (#25239477) Journal
    New tag: idlehasnopants
    • Re: (Score:2, Insightful)

      by Anonymous Coward

      Posting AC to stave off embarrassment.

      Will someone please explain the whole "idle is pants" thing? I don't get it and I'm starting to feel more clueless than usual.

  • Just think of it... simple doggy-style thrusting will make the woman run into the wall, cumshots will be a bitch to catch... I sure would love to see how hard it is for a woman to stay in the cowgirl position - she might need some handles to hang onto.
  • Bah (Score:5, Interesting)

    by Arthur B. (806360) on Thursday October 02, 2008 @06:16PM (#25239507)

    They can make weightless porn in a parabolic flight (the vomit comet) in front of a green screen. After that, adding a space background is piece of cake. Much cheaper than $1,000,000. Shit, have I just disclosed the best business plan on earth.

    • Yeah, but you'd have to film it in 30 second clips, as that's about how long you have in zero G. Better have a hell of a fluffer to make sure the guy's always good to go. Not to mention that if the girls' getting deepthroated or teabagged while they transition into the 2G pullup, both parties might be in for a hell of a surprise.

  • Ah, here it is...

    Oh, give me a locus where the gravitons focus
    Where the three-body problem is solved,
    Where the microwaves play down at three degrees K,
    And the cold virus never evolved.

    (chorus)

    We eat algea pie, our vacuum is high,
    Our ball bearings are perfectly round.
    Our horizon is curved, our warheads are MIRVed,
    And a kilogram weighs half a pound.

    (chorus)

    If we run out of space for our burgeoning race
    No more Lebensraum left for the Mensch
    When we're ready to start, we can take Mars apart,
    If w

  • Most of what they do is faked anyhow, wouldn't $1,000,000 buy enough flights in the vomit comet [wikipedia.org] to make a film? Sure you couldn't do it all in one take, but hey, that's what editing is for.
  • by Bones3D_mac (324952) on Thursday October 02, 2008 @06:21PM (#25239567)

    The concept is just plain gross, and not because it's a porno. It's due to the fact that you'd literally have bodily fluids being ejected from the human body without the physical constraints we have here on earth. That means the entire interior of the craft this is was filmed in would like resemble a Jackson pollock painting under one of those black lights they use in sensationalist news reports about how gross motel rooms are.

    "I can feel them moving!" - Peter Griffin

    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      by ral315 (741081)
      Oatmeal? Spittle? Semen? This must be where Wilford Brimley was strangled by Bob Crane!
  • by Peregr1n (904456) <ian.a.ferguson@gmail.com> on Thursday October 02, 2008 @06:24PM (#25239607) Homepage
    I call Rule 34; zero-g porn has already been done, utilising parabolic flight aircraft;

    http://www.space.com/sciencefiction/movies/uranus_experiment_000516.html

    Surprise surprise, the title is 'The Uranus Experiment'.
    • Why is this marked funny? It's... ahem... informative.
    • by dpilot (134227)

      A while back, Penn Gillette wrote about his charter flight on a vomit comet. His was the second charter, right after the filming of "The Uranus Experiment," which he mentioned in the article.

      • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

        by Missing_dc (1074809)

        A while back, Penn Gillette wrote about his charter flight on a vomit comet. His was the second charter, right after the filming of "The Uranus Experiment," which he mentioned in the article.

        Oh Sweet Zombie Jesus!! Talk about sloppy seconds!!

      • by mattack2 (1165421)

        Googling for "penn jillette vomit comet" gives a lot of results, and one supposedly the article, at "thestoreroom.tk", whatever that is.
        http://www.thestoreroom.tk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=43 [thestoreroom.tk]

        Did he actually put the article online somewhere? I realize it's probably that, I'm just not sure.

        • by dpilot (134227)

          That looks like the article I read, though it's been over a year, so details are obviously fuzzy.

  • A movie version of Ben Bova's "Zero Gee", or better still, the whole Kinsman saga, would have been great.

  • I'm guessing there'll be a few false starts in the space porn field.

    The first examples are likely to be more humorous than erotic.
  • Two Points (Score:3, Funny)

    by cephyn (461066) on Thursday October 02, 2008 @06:33PM (#25239735) Homepage

    2 hours isn't a problem. Porn movies aren't really known for their epic length. Well, not in minutes, anyway.

    And so what if some actors get sick? You just make a different movie. There's an audience for everything (disturbingly)!

  • Not surprising (Score:5, Insightful)

    by evanbd (210358) on Thursday October 02, 2008 @06:35PM (#25239755)

    First, the flight may be two hours, but the weightless period isn't -- it's under ten minutes, maybe more like 5 (I haven't looked at their numbers recently). Also note that it's $200k on an 8-seat (6 passengers) craft -- so the normal fee for the whole craft would be $1.2M. He's offered less than the nominal price, for what is certainly a lot of extra work by Virgin and may have adverse effects on their publicity (or maybe positive, but I'm not the one making that judgement).

    Also, we don't yet know whether they'll be requiring pressure suits. The craft has a double pressure hull, but that still means there are common mode failures possible. Originally Rutan said the double hull meant no pressure suits, but that was at a time when it wasn't clear that affordable pressure suits existed. As companies like Orbital Outfitters have begun to show that they can supply rental suits at reasonable prices (a few $k per person per flight -- custom tailoring included), Rutan has talked about maybe using pressure suits. Last I heard, the issue wasn't fully decided yet. If they do use pressure suits, they may be reluctant to allow unsuited passengers even at a price premium. (Note that the suit would be worn unpressurized with the visor up as long as cabin pressure held. I've seen the suits, and while they're not as lightweight as a t-shirt, they aren't bad either. We're not talking about Apollo-type space suits or anything.)

    Then there's the regulatory headache. The craft will be an experimental aircraft, not a certificated one, and the tourists will be spaceflight participants, not passengers. The distinction may be semantic, but it's a very important one. Flying for commercial purposes rather than tourism may make it more difficult to get FAA/AST approval for the flight. If so, that would be a deal breaker regardless of any other concerns.

    I've interned with XCOR Aerospace (a competitor of Scaled's); while none of this should be taken as official XCOR policy, I would be surprised if Scaled, XCOR, or anyone else was willing to do this any time soon. The headaches in safety, regulation, PR, and logistics are just too large, especially with no financial incentive. (Note that this would be difficult in XCOR's Lynx, as there's only one passenger and they don't get to remove their seatbelt.)

    All of that said... I think it's wonderful to see this much interest in commercial spaceflight. I'd also love to see some space porn, if only to laugh my ass off at the awkwardness. I'm sure they'll find a way to do it eventually, and I hope it's sooner rather than later.

    • And in spite of all that, someone's going to do it "off the record" soon enough anyway. The sex part. Filming notwithstanding.

    • though how much you could actually do and perform in two hours is debatable

      Obviously the submitter didn't RTFA

      SpaceShipTwo craft, which is released during flight and then climbs to 100 kilometers in altitude to offer fee-paying passengers around five minutes of weightlessness

      Normal intercourse is going to be difficult, without weight to overcome friction. I can see space bukkake being more likely, and even more disgusting than the earthbound variety.

  • Robert Bigelow, Space Gigolo!

    Just as well he already works in space.
  • May not be possible (Score:4, Informative)

    by coolamber (755059) on Thursday October 02, 2008 @06:52PM (#25239999)
    According to an article in Wired, there has already been some Russian research done in this area:

    From tfa [wired.com]
    There are no dead man's sticks in space. And no matter how stressed anyone gets, they can't even enjoy a little release by manipulating their own joystick: One of the effects of weightlessness is reduced blood flow to the lower half of your body. The rumor in Star City is that many have tried in vain to get it up out there. "There vas top-secret program of this," Driga says. "But the man could not perform. Viagra vill not help."

    So it may not be possible to perform in zero g, not enough blood flow to the lower extremities.
  • And what if one or more of the actors gets sick?

    Then you sell your video to a different niche market. One that I really, really wish I'd never found out about. Eccch.

  • Then you sell your film in Japan.

    Profit!

  • hmmm (Score:3, Informative)

    by Goldsmith (561202) on Thursday October 02, 2008 @06:54PM (#25240045)

    I seem to remember reading somewhere that it's extremely difficult (if not impossible) to get an erection during prolonged space flight.

  • by Milkyfresh (1041360) on Thursday October 02, 2008 @06:55PM (#25240053)
    The link:
    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14002908/ [msn.com]

    My favorite quote from TFA

    Woodmansee said sex would be "the killer app of space tourism ... because every couple who goes up there, or threesome or whatever their personal choice is, is going to want to try this."

    TFA :

    Outer-space sex carries complications
    Experts say new devices and data would be needed to hit the zero-G-spot
    By Alan Boyle
    Science editor
    updated 4:38 p.m. ET, Mon., July. 24, 2006
    LAS VEGAS - Having sex in the weightlessness of outer space is the stuff of urban legends and romantic fantasy â" but experts say that there would be definite downsides as well.

    Spacesickness, for instance. And the difficulty of choreographing intimacy. And the potential for sweat and other bodily fluids to, um, get in the way.

    "The fantasy might be vastly superior to the reality," NASA physician Jim Logan said here Sunday at the Space Frontier Foundation's NewSpace 2006 conference. Nevertheless, Logan and others say the study of sex and other biological basics in outer space will be crucial to humanity's long-term push into the final frontier.

    "Sex in space is not just a good idea, it's survival," said Vanna Bonta, a writer who blends romance with space travel and quantum physics in the novel "Flight."

    Sex in the space environment has long been a source of rumor and speculation: Several years ago, one author claimed that NASA had conducted a study of sexual behavior during a space shuttle mission, sparking a quick round of denials. Today, NASA follows something of a "don't ask, don't tell" policy on the subject â" leading Logan to stress that he was not representing the space agency at Sunday's panel discussion.

    The subject is coming to the fore again now for several reasons â" including next month's publication of a book by Laura Woodmansee titled "Sex in Space," as well as billionaire Robert Bigelow's plan to host research into animal propagation on his commercial space modules.

    After all, sometime in the next decade Bigelow Aerospace envisions putting a hotel complex in orbit, "where people will probably be recreating and having sex," Bonta said.

    Woodmansee said sex would be "the killer app of space tourism ... because every couple who goes up there, or threesome or whatever their personal choice is, is going to want to try this."

    However, off-Earth romantics will have to cope with some practical challenges:
    # Sex in space would likely be "hotter and wetter" than on Earth, Bonta said, because in zero-G there is no natural convection to carry away body heat. Also, scientists have found that people tend to perspire more in microgravity. The moisture associated with sexual congress could pool as floating droplets.
    # The physics of zero-G make the mechanics of sex more complicated. Bonta said it was challenging even to kiss her husband during a zero-G simulation flight they took recently. "You actually have to struggle to connect and stay connected," she recalled. Partners would have to be anchored to the wall and/or to each other. To address that need, Bonta has come up with her own design for garments equipped with strategically placed Velcro strips and zippers.
    # Although zero-G could be a boon for saggy body parts, Bonta said males might notice a "slight decrease" in penis size due to the lower blood pressure that humans experience in microgravity.
    # Romantics will also need to guard against the type of motion sickness that space travelers often encounter, especially if they get too adventurous right off. "Save the acrobatics for post-play vs. foreplay," Bonta advised.

    For all these reasons, Logan said spontaneous sex in space could be "a little underwhelming."

    "It's a pretty messy environment, when you think about it," he said. "And for every

    • The amazing thing here is not your information, (which is actually pretty interesting), but the fact that you were able to squeeze it all through the stupid little keyhole-sized comment window on these dippy idle pages.

      Maybe you were posting in micro-gravity.

      -FL

    • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

      by shmert (258705)

      I recall reading recently that astronauts on board the space station complained about not being able to get an erection. At all. Reduced blood flow due to zero-g might put a hamper on your porno plans. Now zero-g girl-on-girl is probably possible, and in the end a lot less messy.

  • by Sloppy (14984) on Thursday October 02, 2008 @07:01PM (#25240139) Homepage Journal
    They should have approached Slut Galactic.
  • In space no one can hear you scream!

  • by mqduck (232646)

    When I first read the subject, I thought it said "No Space *For* Porn"!! :-o

  • I thought you just wanted to stream live video from the VG ship as it went up and came back! I'd pay for that, and for views of the Earth from LEO. Add some girl on girl action to all of that and I'd never leave Home!

  • by Sponge Bath (413667) on Thursday October 02, 2008 @08:39PM (#25241029)

    The *knock* *knock* : "Pizza Man!" meme won't work any more.

  • by khallow (566160) on Thursday October 02, 2008 @10:04PM (#25241583)

    I think the real problem is that the money is too small for this sort of thing. Basically, they're going to take over a flight, it's going to require special gear, and such a film would probably be very popular.

    Now, if that film maker were offering say, 10 million (or more), that might be enough to make it worthwhile for Virgin Galactic.

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