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Do Nerds Have Better Sperm? 178

Posted by samzenpus
from the better-how dept.
mcgrew writes "The question of how we loveless nerds managed to not be bred out of the species genome may have been answered. According to New Scientist, we have better sperm. According to the article, men who scored high on a battery of intelligence tests boasted high counts of healthy sperm, while low scorers tended to have fewer and more sickly little guys. ... Though the connections between brains and sperm were 'not awesome, they're there and highly significant.' All things held equal, good sperm and good brains go together." Don't start gloating yet. Another recent study found that the gene that makes you good at Halo also makes you a premature ejaculator. A study of 200 Dutch men found that those with a premature ejaculation problem all had a version of a gene that controls the release of serotonin. These men seem to "have very quick reflexes. They may be excellent at playing tennis or computer games." Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

*

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Do Nerds Have Better Sperm?

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  • Up next... (Score:2, Interesting)

    by Anonymous Coward
    The taste test!
    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      by winkydink (650484) *

      Be sure and write back to let us know how it tasted.

      • Re: (Score:1, Informative)

        by Anonymous Coward
        little bit fishy to be honest....
        • Funny.

          I've found the best way to "score" with a woman is to act like one. No, I don't mean cross-dressing. I mean being a good listener, with sympathetic emotions.

          Of course being able to walk-up and say, "Hey - how would you like to go get some dinner" also helps.

          So a balance between bravery and sensitivity.

          • by bytesex (112972)

            Wait, you're replying to a post which is referring to the taste of sperm, and you write "Hey - how would you like to go get some dinner" ? WTF ?

      • Re: (Score:1, Interesting)

        by Anonymous Coward

        Usually pretty good... but people aren't all the same in that regard though. Some psych meds can make it taste really bitter.

        Adding cranberry juice to the diet seems to increase fluid produced. Get the full strength juice with no corn syrup, then dilute it to taste with apple juice (check labels to make sure it isn't from China).
        Avocados seem to help make things more creamy. Get sunshine and exercise. Keep your weight fairly close to normal. Eat a varied diet. Some fats in moderation do help as there

    • by bonch (38532)

      All this test really says is that healthy people will score higher on mental tests and have higher counts of sperm. Not really surprising.

  • Useless (Score:5, Funny)

    by NuclearError (1256172) on Tuesday October 14, 2008 @01:34PM (#25372269)
    What good is this if nerds never get a chance to use sperm?
    • by zzsmirkzz (974536)
      I guess that's why geeks outnumber nerds 2-to-1 and dorks 4-to-1. :)
    • Re: (Score:1, Funny)

      by Anonymous Coward

      Nerds use sperm all the time. It's where they use the sperm that is the problem. Although given they have more, healthier sperm, perhaps that explains how they manage to reproduce. Their sperm simply survive longer "in the wild" and when the next hapless female uses the bathroom...

    • by MrMr (219533)
      Probably the reason why it's of better quality (mediaeval folklore has it that monks were efficient breeders...).
    • by Fred_A (10934)

      Not to mention that a number of nerds don't *have* sperm because their ovaries don't produce any.

      • by Anonymous Coward

        Somewhat of a blend between masculine and feminine body build, yet that all is determined how I shave or grow my hair. I don't use any "make-up" and never had any bouts with the puberties that other one-gender people have fought with. My voice is neither masculine or feminine, which makes it easier to pronounce words without problem, etc.

        Now, in terms of gender physiology that is odd and explainable:
        I have a penis and under-developed testes, just off from a clitoris and vagina leading to a womb with ferti

    • by Ogive17 (691899)
      Well that's the point. The few times nerds do score the chance of fertilization is much higher.
    • Mac fan boys can use it to get a matte finish on their new Macbook [slashdot.org] displays.

    • by mcgrew (92797) *

      You, sir, are in dire need of one of my old slashdot journals A Nerd's Guide to Getting Laid [slashdot.org].

  • Those are some funny statistics. Let's not forget that you might be smart, have a gene that gives quick response times (reflexes is popularly used incorrectly... that's only for stuff like how fast you blink when you are poked in the eye), and be good at a game much better than Halo. Let's go with Team Fortress 2, despite it not being the most "competitive" RTS around, it's still the most fun for 99% of players... human or not.

    • You must have really really good sperm.
    • Re: (Score:2, Insightful)

      by DanTheStone (1212500)
      Team Fortress 2? An RTS? I'm guessing you mean FPS. Real-Time Strategy games don't tend to require lightening-fast "reflexes", at least for the skill levels of those 99% of players.
  • It brings to mind... (Score:5, Interesting)

    by tragedy in chaos (1382095) on Tuesday October 14, 2008 @01:42PM (#25372389)
    The movie "Idiocracy". Admittedly it's not exactly like the movie, however I can see this as going in a much similar fashion (It does explain the current state of things a bit).

    It's Natural Selection at it's finest.

    The women, while trying to subconsciously pick the best mate, inadvertently shoot themselves in the foot, as Mr. Cage Fighter is packing sickly soldiers, with a mission to degrade the gene pool.

    Meanwhile Mr. Physicist is in possession of a load that may one day help save humanity. But alas, it may never be used...

    Oh, Irony.
    • by Culture20 (968837)
      From a Natural Selection standpoint, I wonder if this means stupid humans were not common until we started farming. If smart guys with better reflexes tend to have healthier sperm and ejaculate sooner, you'd think that their brood would outpace the stupid brood (until the smart ones started farming, and using[paying] the stupid ones for farm labor).

      Fellow nerds, we need to get back to basics. Anyone know how to start a fire?
    • by telbij (465356)

      Even if the physicist "saves" humanity 99 times out of 100, the other 1% of the time he destroys us all. I think the cage fighter is the lower risk investment.

  • grr (Score:5, Funny)

    by Kingrames (858416) on Tuesday October 14, 2008 @01:42PM (#25372393)
    Okay seriously I read that as SPAM.

    I'm all freaked out now. My freudian slips are working in reverse.
  • ...that it was a bad thing that I sucked at Halo.

    • Yeah, try lording it over the 13-year-olds on XBL who kick your ass next time that they'll be pleasing the ladies too quick in the future
  • .... I really suck at Halo!

    • I might suck at halo, but I can program, and there is one fact for sure:
      Im emailing this article to my girlfriend, and im getting laid tonight!
  • by Captain Spam (66120) on Tuesday October 14, 2008 @01:45PM (#25372447) Homepage

    All right, look, ladies. There's been studies showing that nerds are better lovers, care more about you, we're rich, and now we've got better sperm and will get you better kids, plus we're really interesting to boot. Now would somebody finally go out with me already, damnit?!?

    • by gweihir (88907) on Tuesday October 14, 2008 @01:50PM (#25372565)

      If females were better at choosing, the human race would not be in the sorry state it is in....

      • by xstonedogx (814876) <xstonedogx@gmail.com> on Tuesday October 14, 2008 @02:07PM (#25372859)

        Hey! A woman choose me you insensitive clod!

      • by Progman3K (515744)

        It's easy to glum but let me remind you; the dinosaurs had 150 million years to rule the planet and are now extinct.
        Humans have been around for about 2 million and have already gone to the moon.
        Granted things could be better, but don't give up just because things are a little grim now.

      • Maybe if we had better choices...?
        • by Blkdeath (530393)

          Maybe if we had better choices...?

          I've found that many women do have "better choices" available to them but in the end they pick the male stereotype they're most infatuated with.

          Case in point; woman meets man during an evening of hard partying then later complains he's drinking too much. Woman meets man who's heavily vested in testosterone-inducing events such as UFC fighting, weight lifting, etc. Has many tatoos. Eventually woman complains man is hitting her "but really loves her".

          I could go on and on, but usually the "better choice" w

          • True, I forgot you are speaking of most women, and not nerdy women.

            But at that point you have to decide if you want one of the average majority, or if it's worth finding one of the rare type of woman who would be more suited for you.
    • by pla (258480)
      All right, look, ladies.

      <Chirp chirp>
      <Chirp chirp>
      <Chirp chirp>

      You don't really know your audience very well, do you?
    • Re: (Score:2, Insightful)

      by Atrox666 (957601)
      Nope the screwed up a**hole still gets the girl. These women cry on your shoulder and complain, about how bad they are treated but they'll still end up with the loser. It took me a while to figure this out. Women have their rules now I have the 3rd date rule, put out or get out. Chances are if she hasn't screwed you by then she's not that interested in you or she lacks any real sex drive. Either way I've got better things to do with my time. I think from an evolutionary stand point our species has traditio
      • You do realize that not all women are... how shall I put this subtly... white Americans?

      • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

        by Fyz (581804)
        Wow dude, that's a pretty bleak outlook. Those who are chosen to reproduce from an evolutionary standpoint are those with the best ability to survive. And the reason why we geeks have brains that are like this is because being smart is an important fitness parameter.

        Also, blaming it on evolution is only half the answer and a pretty weak one IMHO. Natural selection didn't create skyscrapers and sonnets, societies did.

        Having value and being able to communicate that fact is what attract women. The assholes
      • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

        by telbij (465356)

        First of all, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Girls do not prefer assholes, they just don't like sniveling self-loathing weaklings. Get some real self esteem and make something of yourself and the girls will come.

        Something else I should point out too. A lot of "nerds" like to think they're smarter than other people and constantly set up all kinds of straw man logic in their head to maintain this illusion. It may take intelligence to be a good nerd, but it doesn't take a nerd to be intelligent. Basing

      • by ckaminski (82854)
        Women don't like assholes. They like strong confident men who don't whine about how badly the world treats them or how the world owes them something. That's what evolution gave them - strong Alpha males who fed them, kept them safe from Sabertooths and a myriad of other predators and kept some semblance of order among the other males through force. Some of whom who have this confidence turn it into arrogance and beget the asshole who thinks he's God's gift to women (Tucker Max).

        YMMV. HAND.
        • by Grishnakh (216268)

          Women don't like assholes. They like strong confident men who don't whine about how badly the world treats them or how the world owes them something

          Wrong.

          Women think they want strong confident men, but the problem is that assholes are very good at appearing strong and confident, so women pick them. There's a lot more assholes out there than there are strong, confident men who are not assholes. That kind of man is pretty rare, so a few girls get lucky, and the rest get stuck with assholes.

          The problem is th

      • by mcgrew (92797) *

        Nope the screwed up a**hole still gets the girl. These women cry on your shoulder and complain, about how bad they are treated but they'll still end up with the loser.

        I'm banging three women right now who have these assholes as BFs. Two words: Revenge sex. When the dumbshit has treated her badly she's a pushover for a kind, gentle soul and will let you FUCK HER BRAINS OUT.

        And since you have better sperm, well, use a condom. I prefer the female condoms, it's like not using one at all.

        • So they've just traded one asshole for another, really.
          • by mcgrew (92797) *

            That wasn't nice.

            And they would argue with you about that. I really don't get much, but like Tom Petty sang, even the losers get lucky sometimes.

            • Sorry, but as a female I consider a guy who takes advantage of a heartbroken girl and pretends to be a kind gentle soul just so he can "bang" her, along with three other girls, to be a heartless bastard. In the long run that just makes things even more painful for her.
              • by mcgrew (92797) *

                I don't see any advantage being taken. If anything I am the one being used, not her. Of course, I can assume that as a female if a woman told you she had sex with a guy who was fighting with his girlfriend that he was a cad, too. Is what's good for the goose as good for the gander, or do you hold women to a different standard?

                If a woman wants sex, how is she being "taken advantage of" if a guy has sex with her? AFAIK I have never seduced a woman, although I've tried hard and been rebuffed every time. It's e

              • by mcgrew (92797) *

                No response to that, huh? Look, lady, if you think I'm an asshole you should maybe take my old defunct sm62704 account off of your (very short) "friends" list. Actually you should anyway, there will be no more comments or journals from that account.

                I'm still waiting for you to explain how I'm "taking advantage". She wants revenge, if anyones being taken advantage of it's me.

                You have to understand that I'm a geezer, I was in my 20s in the '70s when there were no incurable STDs, and "wanna fuck?" from both me

    • by norminator (784674) on Tuesday October 14, 2008 @03:23PM (#25373927)

      ...plus we're really interesting to boot.

      And that's where you lose them. Mad CLI skills and a working knowledge of BSD doesn't count as interesting to most of the ladies out there.

    • Re: (Score:2, Funny)

      Yeah! Who wouldn't want a prize catch like Hans Reiser?
    • Re: (Score:2, Insightful)

      by Anonymous Coward

      It's trivial for nearly anyone to get sex, and not too much harder to get an at least quasi-functional relationship. Where most guys go wrong is in being timid. This is fixable the same way as fear of heights: do the thing you're afraid of, repeatedly, until it doesn't scare you anymore.

    • I think sometimes it's overlooked that maybe you're going about it all wrong. Maybe these average chicks need average dicks to date. If you're a more intelligent/sensitive/creative/etc, etc guy, you need a girl who can match that. You wouldn't be well-suited with whatever ditzy, shortsighted, base-instinct women you're referring to.
  • Total BS! (Score:4, Informative)

    by Nef (46782) on Tuesday October 14, 2008 @01:52PM (#25372593)
    While I usually refer to myself as a geek, rather than a nerd (geek = nerd + personality [IMHO]) this is one that hits home with me. I've been married 2 years now and been trying to conceive for 3+ with no luck. Testing has determined that I have an abnormally low count (healthy in all other respects) and no current cause has been identified.

    So no, being a geek/nerd DOESN'T mean you have better sperm, you INSENSITIVE CLOD!
    • by 8282now (583198)

      Maybe it's time to turn in your geek/nerd card....

      Should sperm count/ fertility be a part of the entrance exam for CS and other science degrees??

      ... just a thought....

      While I usually refer to myself as a geek, rather than a nerd (geek = nerd + personality [IMHO]) this is one that hits home with me. I've been married 2 years now and been trying to conceive for 3+ with no luck. Testing has determined that I have an abnormally low count (healthy in all other respects) and no current cause has been identified.

      So no, being a geek/nerd DOESN'T mean you have better sperm, you INSENSITIVE CLOD!

    • by techess (1322623)

      My theory on the whole geek/nerd difference is that geeks shower.

    • by PachmanP (881352)
      Well see there's your problem! I tended to think the General Grand Unifying Geek Nerd Dork Theory (GGUGNDT) equation simplifies to geek = nerd - smarts. In which case you need to try and be more nerdy to increase your "abilities".
    • by Monsuco (998964)
      Consepshun, ur doin it rong.
    • I'm sorry to hear you're not seeing the results you're hoping for.

      That being said, you're one data point. Extrapolating from a single data point is a bad idea, and your single data point doesn't contradict the statement that being intelligent correlates positively with having good sperm. Also, the statement notably isn't that all nerds have good sperm.

    • by mcgrew (92797) *

      While I usually refer to myself as a geek, rather than a nerd (geek = nerd + personality [IMHO])

      Geeks eat live animals, making Ozzie Osbourne a geek. Nerds are fictional live animals in the Dr. Suess book If I Ran The Zoo.

      A dork is a nerd without the intelligence.

  • discussion on this topic could fill a small plastic jar.

  • Definitions (Score:5, Funny)

    by bobdotorg (598873) on Tuesday October 14, 2008 @02:05PM (#25372831)

    If by "better" you mean having a chance to enter a vagina, then... No.

  • of course! (Score:2, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward

    Condensated and concentrated over years without a proper release, its insemination powers know no bounds!

  • by dave562 (969951) on Tuesday October 14, 2008 @02:09PM (#25372895) Journal
    They barely ever get to use it. They probably live longer too. The Taoists have a whole internal mind/body philosophy that involves holding onto the sperm and recycling the energy through the body to reach enlightenment.
    • Now we need a the study that correlates healthy sperm with masturbation rates.

      I'll bet the correlation is really masturbation rates, and geeks probably masturbate more than any other group.

      • by PachmanP (881352)

        ...and geeks probably masturbate more than any other group.

        Except for lonely teenage girls(all of whom the documentarys seem to point out are over 18), right?

  • by pete-classic (75983) <hutnick@gmail.com> on Tuesday October 14, 2008 @02:31PM (#25373185) Homepage Journal

    Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

    Actually, it means you aren't using enough lube.

    -Peter

  • Evolution to promote survivial of the "nerd race"....producing more sperm gives a higher chance of pregnancy from limited number of encounters. Jocks will take more encounters to impregnate a woman. Also, from the video's I've seen, premature ejaculation would seem to actually increase the chance of pregnancy.....when the woman reaches climax, the cervix dips into the pool of sperm that has been deposited (book link to keep it safe for work: http://books.google.com/books?id=GuFz4r64ETkC&pg=PA73&lp [google.com]

    • by Hatta (162192)

      Also, from the video's I've seen, premature ejaculation would seem to actually increase the chance of pregnancy.....when the woman reaches climax,

      If you ejaculate prematurely, she's not going to climax.

  • Confucius say "Geeks have better sperm, and hourly samples to prove it."

  • Actually, the more you empty the tanks, the fresher the boys in the tanks are, so obviously this has always been true. Just most aren't emptying their tanks into any females...

  • it doesn't matter, since new studies also show that carrying a cell phone in your pocket greatly reduces the fertility rate in men. so maybe nerds have higher quality sperm, but if they carry their cell phones anywhere near their boys it will reduce them back to average...
  • Mine do tricks, code, solve NP problems . . . hell it's not like they have anything *else* to do . . .

    Pug

  • That most of it ends up on the desk, a bit of cloth or tissue. So not only am I putting it where it should be but I may be wasting above average spunk.

    I guess I'll just have to ensure it ends up in a jar to go in a freezer just in case. I'll just have to remember never to make home-made popcicles again.
  • Your mom has sampled all varieties, and has upheld the result of this study - saying nerd sperm really is best in terms of flavor, texture, temperature, and its aesthetic qualities when sprayed on her face and chest.

    • by mcgrew (92797) *

      You forgot to provide a link [uncyclopedia.org]

      "Back of the line." ~ Oscar Wilde on your mom

      Your Mom, Born approx. 30 years before you were (15 for trailer trash), is a well known parent and parental figure, celebrated for her dedication to keeping you out of R-rated movies, calling just to "check up on you", and whoring herself on the streets like a Taiwanese prostitute. Despite a "lack of credibility" most likely caused by said sluttery, your mom is always there to do your laundry, include love as an ingredient in her reci

  • by SeePage87 (923251) on Tuesday October 14, 2008 @04:38PM (#25374937)
    seeing as how I'm very bright (super sperm) and I'm awesome at halo (they'll be spread everywhere very quickly). Unfortunately my halo skillz aren't going to help me support all my illegitimate children. My brain would, but it's too busy making me feel depressed about my premature ejaculation to do me much good right now.
  • After being gently broiled by a hot laptop for hour after hour, no, probably not.
  • Not only nerds are intelligent. It makes sense that intelligent people take better care of themselves, have better health, etc (as I said, I am _not_ limiting to nerds). Also, people who used to be intelligent but drank/smoked/shot their brains out will also be less healthy.

    Unhealthy people are unhealthy, which includes their sperm.

  • ...I like nerds. But I don't want children. They get in the way of all the game-playing and interweb-surfing...
  • by mcgrew (92797) * on Wednesday October 15, 2008 @01:04PM (#25386397) Homepage Journal

    Don't start gloating yet. Another recent study found that the gene that makes you good at Halo also makes you a premature ejaculator.

    Well, premature ejaculation isn't counterevolutionary, but it does diminish the pleasure for nerd and nerdette.

    However, modern science has come up with drugs. Viagra isn't just to get it up for your aging wrinkled wife who has become too fat and ugly to fuck without chemical help. It also allows you control. You can make sex last pretty much as long as you want it to.

    Two of four women I've used viagra with had orgasms and fell in love with me. A third of the four hasn't afaik fallen in love but did say she had an orgasm (but of course she could be lying).

    The fourth was a hooker. Don't waste your viagra on a hooker!

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