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The Art of The Farewell Email 703

Posted by samzenpus
from the so-long-suckers dept.
With so many people losing their jobs, the farewell email, letting colleagues and contacts know where you are moving and how you can be reached, has become common. Writing a really good one, whether it be funny, sad or just plain mad is an art form. Chris Kula, a receptionist at a New York engineering firm, wrote: "For nearly as long as I've worked here, I've hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support." In May, lawyer Shinyung Oh was let go from the San Francisco branch of the Paul Hastings law firm six days after losing a baby. "If this response seems particularly emotional," she wrote to the partners, "perhaps an associate's emotional vulnerability after a recent miscarriage is a factor you should consider the next time you fire or lay someone off. It shows startlingly poor judgment and management skills — and cowardice — on your parts." Let's hear the best and worst goodbye emails you've seen.

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The Art of The Farewell Email

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  • by elrous0 (869638) * on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:04PM (#26958815)
    I worked in a company once with a guy who was known for sending out long, rambling emails and overwriting everything he got his hands on. I was constantly trying to get him to edit himself better on fact sheets and the like. Well, he gets laid off and his final email (sent to everyone in the office) read simply "Fuck all of you! I'm outta here." I was so proud he had finally learned the power of brevity.
    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      by Anonymous Coward

      "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you, I'm out."

    • by Anonymous Coward on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:16PM (#26958967)

      he gets laid off and his final email (sent to everyone in the office) read simply "Fuck all of you! I'm outta here.

      Bridge burning can be a bad thing.

      My last farewell email involved me making a list of everyone I would or would not engage in sexual acts with. Little did I know that I would be crossing my old coworkers as a contractor only a few months later. Talk about embarrassing.

    • by muffen (321442) on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:35PM (#26959197)
      I was in a company where a person who was leaving attached a 9Meg video file to the email and sent it to everyone!

      Guess DOS'ing the mail server is a good way to go :)
    • by furby076 (1461805) on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:45PM (#26959329) Homepage
      When I quit my job, I was being passed over for promotions by morons, I wrote a nice letter. Thanking those who worked with me and letting people know where to get me. I actually quit two weeks after I got promoted, but because I was passed over three times (one of the guy recently got fired for incompetence) I didn't care.

      I would rather not burn bridges - you never know if you may want to work at a company where a previous co-worker is employed at. Leaving with grace is always better then leaving with attitude.
      • by mvh (9295) on Monday February 23, 2009 @01:49PM (#26960119) Homepage

        I would rather not burn bridges - you never know if you may want to work at a company where a previous co-worker is employed at. Leaving with grace is always better then leaving with attitude.

        Indeed. This is certainly a case where honesty is NOT the best policy. Because I generally leave on good terms I've been offered consulting gigs with old employers and I get good recommendations. I also have been offered full time employment by former employers and former co-workers.

      • by Weaselmancer (533834) on Monday February 23, 2009 @03:28PM (#26961395)

        I would rather not burn bridges - you never know if you may want to work at a company where a previous co-worker is employed at.

        I agree somewhat. It all depends on the situation though. Some places need a response. You don't need to be nasty (for the very reasons you mention), but sometimes you do need to do something. If only to keep your sanity.

        Last place I left was so bad I left without putting in a two week notice. Only time I've ever done that. Showed up late, walked around and personally told everyone I cared about goodbye. Handed my boss typed up instructions on my project and how to use it so the next guy won't be screwed. Gave him my passwords and all that.

        Then loaded up my PC, turned on active desktop, set my desktop to Badger Badger Mushroom, and walked out.

        BTW the place was a madhouse. This was entirely appropriate behavior. The HR lady who did my exit interview? She was terribly unhappy about my unprofessional exit and lectured me about the appropriate way to quit a job. But. Two months later she went out drinking margaritas at lunchtime with the CFO. And ...never came back. Neither of 'em.

      • by winwar (114053) on Monday February 23, 2009 @11:32PM (#26965719)

        "Leaving with grace is always better then leaving with attitude."

        Generally. But if you are going to burn bridges, why not nuke them? :)

    • by creimer (824291) on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:52PM (#26959423) Homepage
      At one company I worked for, upper management booted out a PR guy out but forgot to order IT to deny him access. He sent a series of company-wide emails that seem like they were being exchanged between members of upper management about their sex life with animals. Hilarious! Took about 20 emails before upper management decided that they had enough.
    • by ewilts (121990) on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:53PM (#26959445) Homepage

      For brevity, a book I once read had this nice farewell "letter": "Upshove job asswards".

      It doesn't need to say any more after that...

    • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

      by mlarios (212290)

      From a summer ssociate at Cadwalader, Wickersham and Taft:

      In case ya'll are doubting my declaring CWT a TTT:

      By the time you read this in the morning, I am sure that you will have heard of what happened to me. All for no reason. I warn all the summer associates this firm is a joke of what it used to be. Read the history. With a man like Jordan Schwartz in charge what can you expect. For those that do not know my mother has cancer and I asked if I could leave the firm next Wednesday to take care of her. I was

    • Advertising (Score:3, Insightful)

      Too short, wrong tone. Any "Farewell" e-mail should be looked at as advertising for your now forced move to self-employment (I don't care if you're officially laid-off and unemployed, everybody on slashdot has skills that friends and family use for free that can be marketed to strangers to meet the difference between paying the mortgage and eating). It should be relatively upbeat, thank people for the privilege of working on their team, contain a very short skills list of what you did for the team to remi

  • well... (Score:3, Interesting)

    by Zashi (992673) on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:06PM (#26958825) Homepage Journal

    "You should've taken away my database access before telling my I was being laid off."

    Yeah.. vengeful geeks. Nothing new there.

    • Re:well... (Score:5, Interesting)

      by Intron (870560) on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:11PM (#26958901)
      I was at a company that had to cut either the IT manager or tech and chose wrong. They kept the clueless manager, while the tech changed the passwords on the way out the door AND sent the insulting email to "allusers". Once it became clear that the manager had failed to disable access to the guy he was firing and did not know how to reset the passwords, they fired him and rehired the tech.
      • Re:well... (Score:5, Insightful)

        by Anonymous Coward on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:16PM (#26958965)

        Firing the tech was a mistake. Rehiring him knowing his vengefulness was a bigger one.

        • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

          by Darinbob (1142669)

          Yeah, never rehire someone who insulted everyone on leaving. And never rehire someone with a known track record of sabotaging the company. Any company who thinks someone is indispensible this way deserves what they get.

    • Re:well... (Score:5, Funny)

      by Dmala (752610) on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:56PM (#26959491)
      Not just geeks... Years ago I went into a tiny office to set up Internet Connection Sharing for their two machines. When I started one of the machines, it threw up about a dozen "missing system file" errors before finally booting. When I asked about it, they very nonchalantly replied, "Yeah, it does that. The secretary deleted a bunch of files after she was fired last month."
    • by Anonymous Coward on Monday February 23, 2009 @01:59PM (#26960271)
      We had a salesman do this after the sales manager told him he was about to get canned before I had been given notice to disable his accounts. He knew the sales manager's password to our CRM application, logged on as him, and attempted to delete every account in the system. Then he switched to the shared file storage and started deleting every file he could get his hands on. That's when my boss called me and we shut down his workstation remotely. Then he started attacking us with a metal yardstick. The receptionist called 911 and the police showed up. He said he wasn't going back to jail and tried to attack the officers, at which point they tazered the hell out of him. Funniest thing I ever saw. We pressed charges for destroying data and assault/battery, and he plead guilty. I forgot what he was sentenced to, but last I heard he was out of jail but still unemployed four years later. Word got around pretty quickly and nobody would have anything to do with him. This is a relatively small town, so I don't understand why anyone would be so stupid as to do something like that.

      We ended up needing one all-nighter to recover. Most of it was spend figuring out what exactly he had actually deleted, as lack of permissions had prevented most of it. In any event, I didn't mind, the sight of him doing the tazer dance in front of everyone was totally worth it. I won't advocate tazering people indiscriminately but he totally absolutely deserved it. You had to be there, it defies description how funny it was. He went from attacking people with a yardstick to quivering wreck on the floor in about as fast as you could say "quivering wreck on the floor".
  • by arkham6 (24514) on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:08PM (#26958855)
    It smells like...hollow victory

    Not to mention possibly career ending. Someone about 10 years ago was leaving a company I worked at, and wrote a blistering goodbye email. A few years later at another company, a fellow ex employee of the first and I were on the interview team. And guess who walked in!

    Needless to say, he got a very short interview and absolutely no consideration. When asked why, both myself and my coworker said 'Unprofessionalism'
    • by jhoger (519683) on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:12PM (#26958921) Homepage

      Which is why we should all endeavor to display a complete lack of 'unprofessionalism.'

    • by Neil Watson (60859) on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:23PM (#26959069) Homepage

      It's sad but true. When an employee does something wrong it's unprofessional. When an employer does something wrong it's business.

      • by qbzzt (11136) on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:32PM (#26959157)

        The employee is the supplier. The employer is the customer. In most cases, customers can abuse the relationship a lot more than suppliers.

        Having said that, I'm sure that employers who abuse their employees pay for it when times are good and good people find better places to work. Usually the people who leave are those who can find other jobs - which are precisely those you want to keep.

        • The employee is the supplier. The employer is the customer.

          That's a good point, but I don't think it's the only issue at play. There's also the issue of power, and big companies have much more power than individual people. When I buy something from Best Buy, I'm forced to agree to their terms, take it or leave it. If I work for Best Buy, then I'm pretty much forced to agree to their terms, take it or leave it. It's not a negotiation between equals.

          And also businesses can hide behind an organization. When a company acts, it's not always entirely clear whether it's the decision of "the company" or the individual within the company. If I'm a manager and I want to make someone's life miserable, I can do that while justifying it as "policy" or "good for business". I can say, "Sorry, it's out of my hands. It's just policy." If the employee turns around and tries to make my life miserable, he can't hide behind his actions as easily.

          That's not to say there's nothing you can do. There are strategies for managing relationships where you're the weaker party. But let's not pretend that power doesn't come into play.

          • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

            by Hoi Polloi (522990)

            I have found that big companies are just as likely to treat you decently and give you a fair shake if they have to let you go. I've heard plenty of stories from people who have worked at small businesses (such as start ups) who were at the mercy of personality wars and psycho owners.

    • by BitZtream (692029) on Monday February 23, 2009 @01:18PM (#26959759)

      I hate people that think like you do.

      Was he a good employee at the previous job? Do you know EXACTLY why he REALLY got fired? Did he deserve it?

      Being unprofessional is one thing, but sending a pissed off email because you were wronged doesn't really bother me, and 9 times out of 10 due to politics you really don't know why someone was fired. You may hear 'because they did XX', but thats likely just an excuse for 'he made me or my boss look stupid, which we are, but don't want anyone to know'.

      So if you guys know for a fact that he was wrong and that he was a bad employee at the previous company, then fine. But giving him a crappy interview for something ten years ago that you don't know the full details of is unprofessional of you. Either way, 10 years is a long time and people do grow up sometimes. You could have just cheated yourself out of an excellent employee because you're unable to look over mistakes people have made in the past.

      Like I said though, its entirely dependant on the situation, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume from the way your stating it that you really don't know what truely happened to him.

      For the record though, your bragging about handling the interview the way you did, is extremely unprofessional, and pretty damn childish. You didn't even have the balls to tell them why you blew the guy off.

  • by MagusSlurpy (592575) on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:11PM (#26958909) Homepage
    . . . Good for the managers. Personal problems shouldn't affect their decisions. What, the managers should instead lay off a better employee because they're feeling sorry for this woman?
    • by Anonymous Coward on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:28PM (#26959129)

      . . . Good for the managers. Personal problems shouldn't affect their decisions. What, the managers should instead lay off a better employee because they're feeling sorry for this woman?

      Also keep in mind that Law Firms are KNOWN for letting go female associates after miscarriages, or if they know that they are trying to get pregnant. They don't want maternity leave and dealing with moms and kids, but they can't fire a pregnant woman. Having a miscarriage can be a career ending event at some firms, because they know you want to have children, but you're no longer pregnant.

    • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

      Yes, they should. If you treat people like robots, that's what you'll get: soulless lifeless automotrons that will work just hard enough to not get fired.
  • by Crockerboy (611431) on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:12PM (#26958911)
    "So long and thanks for all the fish!"
  • by nycguy (892403) on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:14PM (#26958939)
    The funniest "goodbye" email I saw occurred about 10 years ago. A guy down the hall from me was responding to a personal ad--probably in a "casual encounters" section. He gave, shall we say, a very elaborate physical description of himself. He also went into details about his various fetishes and sexual proclivities, as well as some choice moments from his sexual history. He also described exactly what he hoped to do with the person he was writing to, complete with various sexual acts and positions.

    Unfortunately, when he clicked send, the mailer garbled the "to" line in such a way that it went to the company-wide email list. (The company-wide email alias was "world"--the email address he was sending to had "world" in it, and I assume he had accidentally put a space the middle of the email address, causing it to be mis-parsed.)

    When the email hit everyone's inbox, there was a moment of silence on the whole floor, followed by phrases like "holy shit" and laughter. The last anyone saw of him was him ducking and half-running down the hallway with his backpack. He apparently thought he'd never be able to live it down, called HR later in the day to resign, and never showed up at the office again.
    • by hansamurai (907719) <hansamurai@gmail.com> on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:51PM (#26959409) Homepage Journal

      Well, did you reply back with a yes or no?

    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      by RingDev (879105)

      Speaking of "whoops" emails and people leaving. This morning I came in to my office as usual, checked my email and saw one from someone I didn't recognize. I figured it was some HR banter about the new office building we're moving to or some new corporate directive, but instead it was a specific message telling me that my services were no longer required.

      I about freaked. Then I re-read the email. It had my email address on the To: line, but the email started out "Dear Martin" which isn't my name. Reading fu

  • Be Careful! (Score:5, Insightful)

    by CrazyTalk (662055) on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:16PM (#26958977)
    I'm an IT consultant - my contract was terminated early, and I wrote a tasteful goodbye email ("was great working with you all" etc. which happened to be true). Good thing I did - 3 days later more funding came through and I was called back!
  • by Legion_SB (1300215) on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:17PM (#26958981) Homepage
    Russ Pitts tells TechTV that he "couldn't care less if the building spontaneously filled with eagle semen [falsegravity.com]"...
  • Unprofessional? (Score:5, Insightful)

    by areusche (1297613) on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:17PM (#26958989)
    In response to the article summary, I don't think Shinyung Oh's upper management knew that she had a miscarriage. It's not like they were waiting for the worst opportunity to lay someone off. It sounds more like she had a basically really terrible week. On a side note I think her response was wholly unprofessional. Let your contacts know you are no longer working for said firm and be done with it. Don't make it a personal vendetta. Junk like that only kills your chances later on in the career path.
  • by Deathdonut (604275) on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:18PM (#26958995)

    When I was given the news, I was able to tell the head of the department:

    "Good luck with your layoffs, alright, I hope your firings go really, really well."

    Others weren't so glib, but then others hadn't already planned to quit and secured a 40% raise elsewhere. For me, the severence was a bonus.

  • by Teun (17872) on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:34PM (#26959181) Homepage
    It was well before E-mail became available when we were called into a conference room to hear about the "Reorganisation".

    When the manager entered one of our guys came forward and asked him for a kiss.

    Upon the managers indignant reply "Why would I kiss you?" our Hero explained he liked to kiss while being screwed.

  • by Mr. Underbridge (666784) on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:37PM (#26959213)
    We had a guy who worked in the inventory department send out a part notification. The part number was his employee ID, the description was his name, and the status was "Out of stock - Discontinued". He sent it out in the same format as the usual notification.

    I thought that was pretty clever for a farewell done in good humor.

  • Why bother (Score:3, Insightful)

    by bihoy (100694) * on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:37PM (#26959219)

    It seems to me to be more of an exercise in massaging one's own ego. I, personally, find it more productive to use a site like spoke or linkedin to keep connected to my former coworkers. No long winded e-mail necessary.

  • by dcavanaugh (248349) on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:42PM (#26959283) Homepage

    This is NOT the time to explain who you hate and why. It is imperative to be professional about the process (no matter how bizarre the situation might be). Your co-workers already KNOW to the self-promoting a$$holes are, who is sleeping with whom, the golfers, the entrenched dead wood, etc. There is a time and place to orchestrate a response, but it can wait for more favorable circumstances. If you're really pissed off, help find a new job for everyone who is competent and useful. But help yourself first. It starts with being viewed as a resource within your industry, and you can't do that if you have spent your time bad-mouthing anyone. Besides, you never know who you might be working with in the future.

    It takes time, but bad things happen to bad people. Always.

  • by EEBaum (520514) on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:44PM (#26959303) Homepage
    We're a close group at work, and all get along pretty well and like working there, but people do move on from time to time. About a year ago, a friend sent a company-wide email with the topic "Out of Office", which is usually used if someone's emailing in sick or going on vacation. Took about an hour before someone actually read the email and saw that he would be out... permanently.

    Now everyone reads all the vacation emails carefully, just in case.

    The email has become tradition, with every subsequent departure using the same message, verbatim, changing only one thing... the first email said that he hoped the people at his new job would be half as cool; the next said one fourth, then one eighth, etc.
  • Executive Summary (Score:4, Informative)

    by Mana Mana (16072) on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:44PM (#26959307) Homepage

    Executive Summary:

    Mrs. Oh was excoriating the law firm's (more precisely the elite senior partners) campaign to blame law associates with a record of _excellent_ reviews for the associates' firing.

    Why? She alleged the law firm was not bringing in sufficient business to grow (a partner's raison d'etre), that the firm did not want to publicly admit the fact, BUT, it wanted to maintain an illusion of grandeur so as to entice new elite-law school graduates to continue to apply as new associates.

    The miscarriage, her exemplary reviews, one partner's unsolicited glowing! praise days earlier, his about face, her firing, her presentation of an NDA type document for severance pay at the last minute firing, her emotional rawness, her refusal to be stampeded at such a vulnerable moment, her outrage and refusal to submit to the law firm's fig leaf for its own hiring duplicity, her email to "the" partner, et al all make up the rest of the story.

    Last heard, months ago when this broke, she had committed major corporation career suicide but she apparently did not let that stand in her way. She's of Korean ancestry and cute though married.

  • A Cautionary Tale (Score:4, Interesting)

    by skuzzlebutt (177224) <jdb@jeremydbrook ... minus herbivore> on Monday February 23, 2009 @12:58PM (#26959521) Homepage

    Many moons ago, I worked for a consumer hardware/software company that no longer exists...but their mascot was a professor. With an egg-shaped head. Ahem.

    Anyhoo...a manager was packaged one day. He was well-liked by his co-workers and employees, but butted heads with the exec team. On his last day he wrote a lengthy email to everyone in the company detailing why he was very sad to see a company with so many good people and good products go to hell because of poor management, and proceeded to detail examples of what he deemed to be poor management. As he was packing up his desk and saying his goodbyes, he was pulled into the Operations Exec's office along with two corporate lawyers, and spent the last three hours of his last day apologizing for sending the email, and pleading his case as to why he should still be allowed a package, and not be fired outright and have any severance payments and benefits denied on the spot.

    Yeah...oops

  • She's Cute... (Score:4, Informative)

    by Anita Coney (648748) on Monday February 23, 2009 @01:02PM (#26959569) Homepage

    You can find a picture here [wsj.com].

    You can find the entire email here [abovethelaw.com].

  • by wiredog (43288) on Monday February 23, 2009 @01:08PM (#26959647) Journal

    Which every hacker should read. [theatlantic.com]

    Back at Data General, one day during the debugging, his weariness focused on the logic analyzers and the small catastrophes that come from trying to build a machine that operates in billionths of a second. He went away from the basement of Building 14 that day, and left this note in his cubicle, on top of his computer terminal: "I'm going to a commune in Vermont and will deal with no unit of time shorter than a season."

  • by gsslay (807818) on Monday February 23, 2009 @01:18PM (#26959765)

    Your boss loves it when you write a stupid, vengeful email after being made redundant.

    No-one likes laying someone off, unless they're incompetent or have it coming. So receiving the FU email after breaking the bad news makes the task that bit easier. They can go home thinking "Yeah, we made the right decision there, that guy really was a real douche and we never knew it until now", and sleep guilt-free in their beds.

    So go ahead, write that email that tells all your colleges what you really think of them. Your boss will thank you for it and everyone else won't miss you once you're gone.

  • by surfcow (169572) on Monday February 23, 2009 @01:27PM (#26959865) Homepage

    The Three Envelopes.

    IT manager starts a new position.

    All goes well for a few weeks, then something big breaks. Lots of pressure. Rooting around in his desk, he finds 3 envelopes. The first is labeled "Open at the First Crisis". On a whim, he opens it and the note inside reads "Blame it on your Predecessor". He decides to take this advice and to his surprise, it works like a charm, management is satisfied, he is given time to fix things.

    A few months go by and a something much bigger breaks, seriously disrupting operations. He is in trouble. At his desk, he decides to open the envelope labeled: "Open at the Second Crisis". He'd been saving it for something big, and this is it. The note inside says: "Form a Committee to Study the Issue". He does just that and, to his surprise, it works great. The committee wastes time and accomplishes nothing, but blame is diffused.

    A few years go by. The third and final envelope is labeled: "Open at the Third Crisis". He thinks about opening it many times, but he waits, saving it for a real disaster. One day, it comes. Catastrophic failure. He takes a deep breath, tears the envelope open and inside, finds a note that reads: "Prepare Three Envelopes".

    (I liked this story so much that I left a set of envelopes behind at one job.)

  • Short and sweet (Score:3, Interesting)

    by Joebert (946227) on Monday February 23, 2009 @01:37PM (#26959971) Homepage
    1,000+ employees received the following email

    Subject: FUCK!!!
    Message: NFT

  • by RaigetheFury (1000827) on Monday February 23, 2009 @01:42PM (#26960045)

    A few years ago I worked for a college at NCSU that hired me to redo their website. Interestingly enough another group at the college did the same and we were told to work together. This guy claimed to have years of experience in designing sites and print media... but couldn't even tell you the basic HTML tags for a webpage.

    Long story short, I was fired for not working well with him but hired almost 2 weeks later for more pay at a better job, better office, and all around better situation.

    He on the hand, failed to bring their site online, convinced them to implement a CRM that he could manage, deleted the ENTER site (15,000+ pages) not once, not twice but three times.

    Applied styles around my SQL code and claimed that I didn't know what I was doing... but the best part...

    *Drum roll please*
    The person they hired to replace me (wtf did they hire someone to replace me if he was so great)... quit three weeks ago with NO notice with the reason...

    "I can't take Tom anymore".

    I found this out when that college sent out major SOS requests to any developers who could help them fix their site. Tom had deleted it again...

    God I love my life.

  • My letter.. (Score:5, Interesting)

    by eepok (545733) on Monday February 23, 2009 @01:47PM (#26960103) Homepage

    I voluntarily left a "back-up" position I was given as an apology for my boss eating my budget and thus having to eliminate my original position in the same-ish department . I was somewhat bitter entering the position, but I knew I could make great changes in my new position. Little did I know that the supervisor was angry, paranoid, irrational, and rather cruel to some people. When I quit, I left her with a long letter detailing each of her major leadership and tact-based mistakes she made in the paltry 3 months I was there. I then told her how disappointing it was that she did not have the necessary leadership skills after 15 years in that position ... also noting that my position having gone through 13 people in 5 years should be a clue.

    When I resigned that position, it was required to turn in a copy of my resignation letter to HR. So I gave them a copy. "Somehow" others saw it, too. Those others liked it and expressed their condolences... specifically since the person under whom I was employed is an "untouchable" in our industry. She will always be there because of who she is.

  • by jimbobborg (128330) on Monday February 23, 2009 @01:59PM (#26960277)

    I've left my job with one company by leaving all of my stuff in the server closet, a piece of paper with the passwords, and a note saying "Good Bye!" They bounced several pay checks, and delayed disbursing paychecks for several months beforehand.

    The second time, I dumped my laptop and gear at the data center, and sent an email to the HR drone saying "I can't take this anymore. I'm gone effective now."
    This one, we had 3 Canadian contractors who made my life hell, by making it impossible for me to do my work. not giving me access, and fucking with my passwords. They kept their shitty jobs, I got a new one.

  • Dear *your company name here*;

    I regret to inform you that your services as employer are no longer required. You position has been terminated effective *your last day at work*.

    This decision was not arrived at lightly, and is in no way is a reflection on the performance of your duties as an employer.

    Signed,

    *your signature*

    Date: *today's date*

    Print the above out on pink paper, and sign it. Lay off your entire company :-)
     

  • I left a company about one and a half years ago to move to greener pastures (well to be precise, same global company, different country, but I did still technically quit the old job). I wrote a fairly standard and "nice" goodbye email to everyone and they threw me a nice farewell party.

    However, what I found humorous was the emails I RECEIVED as I left. Some were nice ("been a pleasure working with you, blah blah"), a minority were nasty ("finally getting rid of you - fuck off and don't come back"), and some were just incredibly surprising (cute girl: "I'm so disappointed I never got to sleep with you!"... damn, had I only known earlier!).

    The best thing though was a large banner that my co-workers printed. As I was the "resident uber-geek", they wanted to try and do something they thought I might appreciate. They used some kind of online tool to convert ASCII to binary, and printed a large poster that was SUPPOSED to say "01000111 01101111 01101111 01100100 01100010 01111001 01100101 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01100111 01101111 01101111 01100100 00100000 01101100 01110101 01100011 01101011". Unfortunately, it got truncated somehow and ended up as "01000111 01101111 01101111 01100100 01100010 01111001 01100101 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01100111 01101111". Now, they all sort of expected me to decode it in my head instantly, so were a little disappointed when I didn't... but, being the "geek", I did so (slowly, but surely) and about 20 seconds later started laughing... they couldn't figure out why, and so I did have to eventually explain it to them. I do still wonder if someone deliberately truncated it at that point (there were other geeks there after all), but I think it's more than likely just a humorous coincidence.

  • by swordgeek (112599) on Monday February 23, 2009 @03:52PM (#26961625) Journal

    It happened once for me, and everyone deserves one chance to burn bridges.

    I was living in in the USA, there on a work visa. Unfortunately, my manager was letting power go to his head, making life a living hell for the entire lab. He had it in for me, and I just wanted to finish up some things before quitting (and leaving the country), so it was a race and we both knew it.

    JUST before he was about to fire me, I handed in my notice--four weeks, to ensure time to complete or transition my work tasks properly. He promptly told me to clean my workspace and avoid touching the lab equipment or computers, so within a few days, I was forced to sit at my desk, feet up, reading Hugh Johnson's wine Encyclopedia.

    When it came time for my exit interview, I was asked if something could have been done differently to make me stay. I pointed out that every person in my group had a secret file in the bottom of their desk drawer, detailing the times our manager had been abusive, unreasonable, or unfair to them.

    Management eventually saw those files, and "promoted" the manager to a desk position with no staff or responsibilities--just paperwork.

  • by Zero__Kelvin (151819) on Monday February 23, 2009 @04:17PM (#26961947) Homepage
    I practice the art of saying goodbye via e-mail without e-mail. The people who care already know, or will find out soon enough. If I liked them and had a personal relationship I say goodbye in person, or failing that call them within a reasonable time frame. Almost every global goodbye letter I ever got left me scratching my head: Who is this person, and why do they think I care? I suppose it is different for a CEO or very high level executive, but the marketing folks really don't care if an embedded Linux engineer left the company. I definately don't want to waste my time sifting through E-Mails from people I have never met who have confused themselves into thinking their personal life is somehow important to me.
  • What? (Score:5, Insightful)

    by MSTCrow5429 (642744) on Monday February 23, 2009 @11:27PM (#26965685)
    Why is a picture of Ron Paul being used? He's not gone, and we're not finished with what he started.

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig. -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"

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