What Does Google Suggest Suggest About Humanity? 513
Posted
by
samzenpus
from the fire-makes-things-hot dept.
from the fire-makes-things-hot dept.
CNETNate writes "You'll laugh, but mostly you'll cry. Some of the questions Google gets asked to deliver results for is beyond worrying. 'Can you put peroxide in your ear?', 'Why would a pregnancy test be negative?', and 'Why can't I own a Canadian?' being just a selection of the truly baffling — and disturbing — questions Google is regularly forced to answer."
Really? (Score:5, Funny)
Now my curiosity is piqued. WHY can't I own a Canadian? Or at least lease one for a year?
At least wasn't responsible for (Score:5, Funny)
Why can't I own Canadians? (Score:5, Funny)
Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
Obligatory George Carlin Quote (Score:5, Funny)
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."
Wow. just. wow. (Score:5, Funny)
(No, not World of Warcraft.)
I just tried the little experiment in TFA with the phrase "What are..."
Google's #1 suggestion: "...these strawberries doing on my nipples I need them for the fruit salad"
I boggle. I boggle at google.
There's an amazing untold story there. I hope it stays that way.
Re:Really? (Score:3, Funny)
You can't possibly be serious. You can rent one for a day at a time if you can find an available one. But, the best I've ever heard of is a 1-week timeshare, but you'll never get the week you want.
Re:Really? (Score:1, Funny)
The other one that got me is "why is there a dead pakistani on my couch?"... ROTFL LMFAO.... I mean really really?
My own contribution: (Score:5, Funny)
Me:
what is the
Google:
date today
meaning of life
population of Canada
name of bo and luke dukes 69 dodge charger in the tv series the dukes of hazzard
population of the world
sum of days in a week months in a year hours in a day
largest city in canada
canadian dollar worth
best laptop
capital of california
I don't know how their system works, but I don't think it's based on actual searches that people have done. I mean, how many people who google for the name of the Dukes' car would actually type a full sentence like that?
Another one I just tried:
Me:
what's worse than
Google:
a pile of dead babies
Re:Why can't I own Canadians? (Score:5, Funny)
Because Canada is the 51st state. Not to mention America's hat.
or yahoo answers (Score:3, Funny)
http://answers.yahoo.com/ [yahoo.com]
and the end all most awesome/ most depressing question ever asked there:
"how is babby formed, how girl get pragnent"
Jesus (Score:5, Funny)
FTFA: "Why would a little girl in Yorkshire think Jesus was born in an egg?"
HAHA. What a stupid little girl. Everyone knows that Jesus was born to Mary after she immaculately conceived him by receiving God's seed somehow.
An egg. LOL.
Moron.
Re:Many of these questions are legitimate (Score:1, Funny)
Maybe the writer of the article should have googled the questions first?
The obvious weakness... (Score:3, Funny)
Obviously, the internet is, in fact, filled with fucktards; but it is also full of people searching for jokes, people trolling for the lulz, satire, google bombing, etc. Without reasonably solid statistics munching, you can't really say whether a given query is common because people are searching for it in seriousness, in jest, because they are mocking the people who were searching for it seriously, etc, etc.
Re:Why can't I own Canadians? (Score:5, Funny)
No no, the US is Canada's couch
Re:I entered (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Why can't I own Canadians? (Score:4, Funny)
No no, the US is Canada's crotch
Fixed that for you.
Re:Why can't I own Canadians? (Score:3, Funny)
If I learned anything from watching TV, it's that Canada is America, Jr. and therefore there is no reason to visit. Homer Simpson taught me that. ;)
Why you can't pown one... (Score:4, Funny)
Because they got sk1ll5, and you are a n00b.
Re:Really? (Score:1, Funny)
can I put peroxide in the ear of a Canadian I own?
Re:Why can't I own Canadians? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:At least wasn't responsible for (Score:3, Funny)
They need to do way instain mother [somethingawful.com]
Re:Really? (Score:3, Funny)
Yes. Really. (Score:5, Funny)
I own a Canadian. Cost me everything I have, and everything I ever will have. Worth every penny.
However, independent observers may conclude she owns me. ...sorry, gotta run, being paged...
Re:'Can I put peroxide in my ear?' (Score:1, Funny)
Actually, maybe I was responsible for that... let me explain: To anonymize my search data, I have a script that regularly posts the following question to google:
Can I put ... in my ...?
Then on the blanks, the script will put random nouns, but apparently, the script is broken, since some words come out more often than others.
Sorry!
Re:Wow. just. wow. (Score:5, Funny)
"Why "
My favorites are: "why is my poop green", "why did I get married", and "why is there a dead pakistani on my couch"
Re:Really? (Score:5, Funny)
Can you put peroxide in your ear?
Yes, unless its frozen.
Why would a pregnancy test be negative?
Because you're male
Why can't I own a Canadian?
You can until the ACTA comes into effect. From then, you must license your Canadian.
Re:Really? (Score:3, Funny)
This is two monumentally stupid articles I've seen from CNET UK in as many days (the other one being the power plugs article from yesterday). If Slashdot continues to post them, I think we should insist on a tag just for that site so we can filter them out.
You forced me to ask google if it's possible to have an allergy to humour...
Re:Really? (Score:5, Funny)
common treatment for ear infections, ingrown hairs, cuts and ear infections.
Does it cure redundancy too?
Re:Wow. just. wow. (Score:4, Funny)
Speaking of untold stories:
"I like"...
WTF?
Re:Really? (Score:5, Funny)
Well, some of us do have two ears.
Re:Why can't I own Canadians? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Obligatory George Carlin Quote (Score:1, Funny)
Makes sense. Psychologists don't take a lot of math, they just make things up.
Re:Really? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Really? (Score:3, Funny)
Do not listen to peroxide bubbling with other ear.
Re:Jesus (Score:3, Funny)
If you type in "why is" one of the first suggestions is "why is there a dead Pakistani on my couch?"
I just poked my head in the living room. It's actually a pretty good question.