North Korea Announces Achieving Nuclear Fusion 372
Posted
by
samzenpus
from the kim-jong-illin dept.
from the kim-jong-illin dept.
aftertaf writes "North Korea claims to have achieved nuclear fusion by building what it describes as a 'unique thermo-nuclear reaction device.' This announcement was met by skepticism on just about every news website this side of Saturn. Pyongyang claims its latest scientific breakthrough coincides with the birthday of the country's founder and eternal president Kim Il-sung. This is not the first time it seems that the laws of nature have been bent in his honor. According to official biographies, when his son, Kim Jong-il, was born, a new star appeared in the sky." No doubt the Dear Leader combined the atomic nuclei by hand.
In related news (Score:3, Funny)
The mothers of both Martin Fleischmann and Stanley Pons received Mother's Day card from their sons postmarked Pyongyang.
Why is Kim Jong IL... (Score:4, Funny)
Always impersonating that guy from MAD TV??
It's Cold Fusion! (Score:3, Funny)
We know North Korea hasn't released any very hot vaporware lately, so obviously they've perfected Cold Fusion!
Not a star ... (Score:5, Funny)
Duke Nukem Forever Released (Score:5, Funny)
In North Korea, anything is possible.
In other news... (Score:5, Funny)
In other news, power in Pyongyang will only be available from 5:00 - 7:00 PM this week in celebration of the achievement.
He is small enough to do it. (Score:5, Funny)
No doubt that he is small enough to have done it.
Doesn't the star count (Score:5, Funny)
I figured he would have took credit for creating fusion when that new star appeared when his son was born.
Where does he find the time? (Score:4, Funny)
If he can do nuclear fusion as well, then perhaps his talents truly are limitless.
Don't Discriminate! (Score:5, Funny)
>> This announcement was met by skepticism on just about every news website this side of Saturn.
Sure! Make it sound like we on the other side of Saturn will believe anything. That's planetism sir!
Good job North Korea! (Score:1, Funny)
Congratulations! You managed to announce achieving nuclear fusion!
The next step is to achieve nuclear fusion.
I'm sure you'll get there some day.
Low tech but effective (Score:3, Funny)
The breakthrough was made with a hammer and a small amount of nitroglycerin. The reaction released a great deal of energy and as soon as they can aford a new hammer they hope to continue testing.
It's just kimchi and soju . . . (Score:3, Funny)
. . . eat and drink enough of that, and your breath can cause nuclear fusion.
. . . and you don't even want to know about "The Day After" . . .
. . . that picture is not a fake . . . Mr. Kim has just "let one rip" . . .
Re:It's Cold Fusion! (Score:4, Funny)
I was just going to say, why is this on "idle?" This is HUGE news!
Re:In other top stories... (Score:2, Funny)
That sounds like a real crime against humanity.
Re:Fusion isn't hard. (Score:5, Funny)
This was my thought--so what if they did? We did it more than 50 years ago, the Teller-Ulam designed warhead dates to 1951. Fusing two atoms is trivial.
Hey, let's not burden the journalists with dry facts.
Re:Now a credible threat to the west. (Score:5, Funny)
They'd have to figure out how to grow food first.
Re:Don't Discriminate! (Score:4, Funny)
North Korean energy solution (Score:5, Funny)
Cool! I'm getting a home unit. (Score:3, Funny)
They *laughed* when I said my Christmas decorations would wow them this year!
Re:Microsoft Announces Achieving (Score:3, Funny)
Actually, in NK it's "Word To Your Motherland."
Re:Not a star ... (Score:5, Funny)
ROR!!!
Corrigendum (Score:5, Funny)
Upon consultation with actual Koreans, it turns out that the original press release said that North Korea had "nuked a Frusion".
The BBC apologizes for this error.
Re:Fusion isn't hard. (Score:5, Funny)
Your stupid Earth mind cannot conceive power of Kim Il Sung Juche Physics.
Unless you send FIVE (5) million tonnes of rice, TEN POINT TWO (10.2) million tonnes of kimchi, FIFTY FOUR POINT SIX (54.6) million tonnes of ramen now you will be destroyed by my Solanite bombs.
Re:Fusion isn't hard. (Score:5, Funny)
Actually at the next press announcement they are going to show the actual device, but they have to wait for it to rise first.
North Korea is BEST KOREA! (Score:4, Funny)
How could we doubt someone with sunglasses that are so cool?
Re:In other news... (Score:5, Funny)
you mean : in celebration of the achievement, power WILL be available from 5:00 - 7:00 PM this week !!
Re:Nuclear Fusion the new softdrink (Score:3, Funny)
It's fusion alright.
They've managed to fuse horseshit with bullshit, and now they're feeding it to the starving masses!
Re:Fusion isn't hard. (Score:3, Funny)
Re:In other top stories... (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Don't Discriminate! (Score:3, Funny)
Half of it must be. And if you don't look, the probability wave of which half it is won't collapse, so the two halves are equally on the other side.
"offend some people." Ya think? (Score:3, Funny)
The second-most popular Christmas story after Santa Claus was nonsense PR spin?
Gee, why leave it half done? Got any gay porn starring Mohammed you'd like to post? :-)
This just in (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Thus the star over Bethlehem then (Score:4, Funny)
Or, perhaps God planned it on purpose exactly like that, so that the “magi from the East” would recognise Jesus’ birth and come to worship him, fulfilling prophecies such as Isaiah 60:3 [biblegateway.com].
Re:Thus the star over Bethlehem then (Score:3, Funny)
(Obviously, he would have used a sign that pagan astrologers would recognise as the birth of a king. Hence, the star.)
Re:Fusion isn't hard. (Score:5, Funny)
HELLO
We name is PRINCE WUNDAI, my family is ONE OF the largest farmer in Nigeria. Father was captured by Warlord who is trying to steal our family fortune. To secure our family, decided we are to looking for a country we can trust to help us smuggle the grain to a safe location.
We picked your country, NORTH KOREA, because of your honest reputation. We'd like to offer you 50% (HALF) of the grain for your help in securing the rest against warlords and USA aggression.
The grain is packed on ships, waiting on the name of a port to deliver it to.
We need only small bribes for the Somalian pirates to let our ships pass, and we will be on our way.
Please help us, KIM JONG IL
Beloved Leader orders atoms to meld! (Score:4, Funny)
As all universe obeys Beloved Leader, atoms fused, creating clean, pure energy with no neutrons, no MSG, and no trans-fats.
Wonderful new creation for used in distillation of brandy.
-- babelfish from Nut Korean World News
Re:Thus the star over Bethlehem then (Score:1, Funny)
I'm a muslim and I'm offended by your theory, if you don't apologize immediately and convert to the religion of peace I will stab you to death.
Re:Thus the star over Bethlehem then (Score:4, Funny)
Why did you feel it necessary to bring up a completely unrelated topic just to mock my belief in God?
Re:In other news... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Thus the star over Bethlehem then (Score:3, Funny)
No, actually I was serious.
Isa. 60 is a passage which is a messianic prophecy. Like many messianic prophecies from the Old Testament, it does not clearly differentiate between the first coming of Jesus as a baby and his return in glory and his reign as predicted in Revelation, but it’s not too difficult to see where it switches over. Verses 1-3 refer to his birth:
The magi, or kings, who came from the East, are considered by some to be a fulfillment of the prophecy in that last verse.
Like I said elsewhere... I’m not offended by his theory, but I do think it is incorrect, and I figured I might as well post an alternate theory from a Christian perspective. Take it for whatever you feel it’s worth.