Chinese News Reports the Taliban Are Training Monkey Soldiers 232
According to a Chinese news publication, soldiers in Afghanistan may soon come up against a deadly new weapon in the war: monkey soldiers. The report claims that the Taliban are training the monkeys to shoot and kill American soldiers. They also claim to have pictures of monkeys holding AK-47s and Bren light machine guns. From the article: "The New York Magazine has reported about this in jest and stated on Friday, 'No invader has ever conquered Afghanistan, and now we know why. The monkeys will not allow it. It was a good effort, but it's time to pack it in. This is no longer a fight we can win.'”
How to counter.... (Score:3, Funny)
Sarge: "Alright. Get the fruit truck and the truck loaded with female monkeys in heat."
The monkeys will then drop their weapons, run for the fruit and then for the females in heat. Coalition soldiers then walk in without a fight.
Best be careful.... (Score:5, Funny)
If you start arming monkeys, you end up with a banana republic.
And so starts (Score:5, Funny)
I've heard of guerrilla warfare before... (Score:5, Funny)
...but this is ridiculous!
Maybe they are? (Score:5, Funny)
Maybe they are?
I wouldn't put it past the Taliban to train a monkey to do a man's job. It's probably cheaper to get a monkey to blow themselves up, especially if the monkey is expecting to receive bananas.
I came here to... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:How to counter.... (Score:5, Funny)
Coalition soldiers then walk in without a fight.
Until the Taliban truck in a bunch of Playboy bunnies, weed, and Twinkies
One Boatload of Bananas ... (Score:2, Funny)
will wipe the Taliban out. Capitalism at Work, i.e. Cost Efficient Bribery.
They are doomed I tell you.
Re:How to counter.... (Score:5, Funny)
Coalition soldiers then walk in without a fight.
Until the Taliban truck in a bunch of Playboy bunnies, weed, and Twinkies
War is Hell.
We're way ahead of them. (Score:5, Funny)
The Marines have had guns for centuries.
Response from the American Military command: (Score:1, Funny)
NUTS!
Won't it draw attention? (Score:1, Funny)
I know I'd be suspicious if I saw a monkey running towards me holding out a banana with a lit fuse.
Re:Way ahead of you (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Maybe they are? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:uh.... (Score:3, Funny)
Wait just a minute.
If they use monkeys and the US uses robots, we can rig up some Predator drones with cameras, hook the whole thing up to pay-per-view, and then start trucking in the weed, twinkies, Playboy, fruit, female monkeys, oil, booze, and blackjack.
Hey, people can PAY to have the trucks come in. "$50 more and the US gets the truck of bananas."
The free hand of the market at work.
Re:Coo (Score:4, Funny)
Stage a coo? As in a pigeon call?
Really bad translation... (Score:4, Funny)
The time the cited the Onion on the story about the retractable dome over the capital building was funny, but this has to be the worst translation ever.
Monkey Soldiers...
Guerrilla Tactics...
-Rick
Every which way (Score:2, Funny)
Darling, don't you monkey with the monkey. (Score:3, Funny)
Re:uh.... (Score:3, Funny)