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Chinese News Reports the Taliban Are Training Monkey Soldiers 232

Posted by samzenpus from the I-want-to-shoot-like-you-oo-oo dept.
According to a Chinese news publication, soldiers in Afghanistan may soon come up against a deadly new weapon in the war: monkey soldiers. The report claims that the Taliban are training the monkeys to shoot and kill American soldiers. They also claim to have pictures of monkeys holding AK-47s and Bren light machine guns. From the article: "The New York Magazine has reported about this in jest and stated on Friday, 'No invader has ever conquered Afghanistan, and now we know why. The monkeys will not allow it. It was a good effort, but it's time to pack it in. This is no longer a fight we can win.'”

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Chinese News Reports the Taliban Are Training Monkey Soldiers More

Chinese News Reports the Taliban Are Training Monkey Soldiers

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  • Re:uh.... (Score:3, Insightful)

    by clang_jangle ( 975789 ) on Monday July 12, 2010 @01:20PM (#32876124) Journal
    Well if they're going to have monkeys and we're getting robots at least the entertainment value should go up a bit.

  • Re:uh.... (Score:3, Insightful)

    by Sponge Bath ( 413667 ) on Monday July 12, 2010 @01:22PM (#32876146)
    It only took Russia one decade to figure this out. Looks like it will take us two decades to come to our senses.

  • Sarcasm, but I agree with the sentiment. (Score:4, Insightful)

    by pablo_max ( 626328 ) on Monday July 12, 2010 @01:28PM (#32876220)

    "...It was a good effort, but it's time to pack it in. This is no longer a fight we can win."

    History would indicate this is actually the case.

  • Re:uh.... (Score:0, Insightful)

    by Anonymous Coward on Monday July 12, 2010 @01:32PM (#32876284)

    I've got a better option, let's cut and run, and let those fucks continue to conquer the world. Let me give you a hint. How many muslim countries were there when you were botn? How many are there now? Do you want your daughers to be property? I'm not willing to accept that.

    So, you keep supporting our troops by encouraging our enemies, and I'll keep killing the fuckers who intend to kill you if you don't convert.

  • Are we sure this isn't just (Score:1, Insightful)

    by Anonymous Coward on Monday July 12, 2010 @01:32PM (#32876286)

    the Chinese equivalent of The Onion, and we don't know enough Chinese to recognize it?

  • Re:uh.... (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Pojut ( 1027544 ) on Monday July 12, 2010 @01:49PM (#32876512) Homepage

    I've got a better option, let's cut and run, and let those fucks continue to conquer the world.

    Clearly, hurling rocks at tanks = conquering the world, while spending billions upon billions of dollars on advanced weaponry and yelling at anyone that doesn't agree with us isn't conquering the world.

    And, naturally, trying to convert as many countries as possible to our way of doing things doesn't count as conquering.

    So, you keep supporting our troops by encouraging our enemies, and I'll keep killing the fuckers who intend to kill you if you don't convert.

    That's funny...I don't seem to recall American citizens being killed by Muslim's on a regular basis until we invaded their countries.

  • Re:uh.... (Score:3, Insightful)

    by Pojut ( 1027544 ) on Monday July 12, 2010 @01:54PM (#32876580) Homepage

    it's not accomplishing anything except demoralizing your own troops and encouraging the taliban fighters to keep fighting.

    Right. I'm sure their encouragement has nothing to do with bombing their homes. It's me talking smack about our presence there. Of course! Alert the military! ::eye roll::

  • Re:uh.... (Score:2, Insightful)

    by logjon ( 1411219 ) on Monday July 12, 2010 @01:55PM (#32876598)
    Those who can't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it. It never ceases to amaze me how many flag-wavers see the bill of rights as an obstacle to be overcome. I realize full well the futility of bitching about things that have already happened, at the same time, OP's post was about CONTINUING the war. The money that will be spent when we're still fighting this thing 5 years down the road HASN'T already happened. Telling OP to shut up because he takes a stance politically indicates to me that you're just another flag-waver; may God have mercy on your soul.

  • Re:Best be careful.... (Score:2, Insightful)

    by elrous0 ( 869638 ) * on Monday July 12, 2010 @02:01PM (#32876666)
    At least the monkeys are more civilized than the Taliban. They smell better too.

  • Re:uh.... (Score:3, Insightful)

    by logjon ( 1411219 ) on Monday July 12, 2010 @02:06PM (#32876726)
    Speaking of Islamic states, let's topple one of the most secular governments in the middle east and let the Islamic fundamentalists vote in a new leader. Nothing could go wrong there...right? I mean, it's absolutely right to demonize Hussein, but don't try to convince me that they were going to come in and forcefully change our way of life. Especially when Hussein and Al Quaeda were in direct ideological conflict regarding secularism.

  • Re:uh.... (Score:0, Insightful)

    by logjon ( 1411219 ) on Monday July 12, 2010 @02:40PM (#32877120)
    WE'RE BROKE AND OUR COUNTRY IS UNDER MASSIVE DEBT

    'We are.' Present tense.

    we're gonna keep killing...

    Future perfect tense. Your reading comprehension leaves a lot to be desired. Yes, you can be against continuing something on the basis that it should never have happened in the first place. That is not the same as arbitrarily bitching about things that have already happened.

  • Re:uh.... (Score:2, Insightful)

    by ZFox ( 860519 ) on Monday July 12, 2010 @02:48PM (#32877204)
    Who was invaded by the USA before this war? [wikipedia.org]

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