3 Drinks a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

Nzimmer911 writes "Heavy drinkers outlive non-drinkers according to a 20 years study following 1,824 people. From the article: 'But a new paper in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research suggests that - for reasons that aren't entirely clear - abstaining from alcohol does actually tend to increase one's risk of dying even when you exclude former drinkers. The most shocking part? Abstainers' mortality rates are higher than those of heavy drinkers.'"

Eh

[mark72005]

Except next week they will "discover" the opposite, and the following week alcohol will cause cancer, and the week after that it will help you lose weight, and next month they'll find that it causes Parkinson's, and then next spring it will be therapeutic for the same illness, and then...

Well yea...

[Last_Available_Usern]

It's easy to avoid sports-related, travelling, or stress-related fatalities if you're passed out on the deck.

Re:Stress?

[Sinistar2k]

Honestly, the only time I feel stress about being a tightwad teetotaler is when people offer to buy me a drink or try to hand me a beer and then express shock that I'm alcohol averse.

But then, I masturbate a lot, so maybe I just relieve stress in other ways.

Re:"for reasons that aren't exactly clear"

[Neil Blender]

Woah, you should submit your findings to Nature.

No, I don't want to be premature here, but I think I smell a Nobel in Medicine.

Re:Let's have them in lockup to cut down on doctor

[cayenne8]

I think it was Dean Martin who said it best:

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."

Re:Stress?

[cayenne8]

"I've never looked back on the night before and gone, "Man, that fifth of vodka was awesome! Lets do it again!"."

You're not doing it right!!

Re:Stress?

[Effexor]

It's pretty clear from this that you are the sort of uptight and judgemental person who's never snorted coke off the ass of a rent boy while eating a bacon butter cheeseburger and enjoying a refreshing ice cold mountain dew. Clearly you need to learn to unwind.

Re:Eh

[tverbeek]

Salmonella.

Re:Three drinks a day is "heavy"?

[necrogram]

. I don't know why the hell we let people who hate the idea of a good time dictate what's socially acceptable, to the point where anyone who doesn't conform is labeled an alcoholic and stuck in a treatment / proselytizing program.

simple, everyone else is busy having said good time. They're also probably pissed off they're not having a good time as well.

Re:Three drinks a day is "heavy"?

[matunos]

You tell 'em! Just cause you have 3 drinks every day while you're socializing with your friends at the dive bar near the free clinic doesn't make you an alcoholic! Who says it does? I'll kick their damn ass! You can't talk about a person like... without knowing what... why their friends are the best guys in the whole... you should see when they're on the street and I told him 'look bub, you don't ever talk to a carney like that and not get a bit of dirt on your chin'. You're a real cool guy, y'know? We should get together sometime and hang out more. One time I saw this raccoon right out front of the door and I was like 'hey! what are we at war all about?!'... Zzzz...

Re:Eh

[insertwackynamehere]

moderate parent up

but not too much!

*Wooooosh*

[Sir_Lewk]

The joke is obviously referring to hangovers (where you feel particularly shitty in the morning after drinking), which marijuana does not give you.

Re:Let's have them in lockup to cut down on doctor

[Anonymous Coward]

"I feel bad for people who don't smoke marijuana. When they wake up in the morning, that's as hungry as they're going to feel all day". Now its fixed.

Re:Atherosclerosis

[Syhra]

Nah, it's just the heavy drinkers usually drive alone, and the non-drinkers are driving their family. So when the two collide on the road it's around a 1:5 mortality.

Re:Old News

[masmullin]

PEOPLE WHO ABSTAIN DO NOT LIVE AS LONG AS PEOPLE THAT DRINK HEAVILY. Sorry for the yelling

SShhaaadduppp *hic* sop yellin ya jerk ... eess okhey. I luhv you maaahhnn.!

Re:*Wooooosh*

[Sir_Lewk]

All I know right now is I think I might have just had too much to drink. I'll give reading your response another shot in a few hours...