Opossums Overrun Brooklyn, Fail To Eliminate Rats 343
__roo writes "In a bizarre case of life imitates the Simpsons, New York City officials introduced a population of opossums into Brooklyn parks and under the boardwalk at Coney Island, apparently convinced that the opossums would eat all of the rats in the borough and then conveniently die of starvation. Several years later, the opossums have not only failed to eliminate the rat epidemic from New York City, but they have thrived, turning into a sharp-toothed, foul-odored epidemic of their own."
The obvious solution (Score:5, Funny)
Hipsters (Score:5, Funny)
Just tell the hipsters in Brooklyn that it's totally ironic to wear live Opossums on their heads. Kill two birds with one stone.
Obligatory Simpsons (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Hipsters (Score:5, Funny)
More like kill two sharp-toothed, foul-odored epidemics with one stone.
No, no, no! (Score:4, Funny)
The Opossum's most effective predator is the Reticulated Gap-Toothed Yokel.
They're not liable to freeze to death, but they'll likely get killed off by wandering into traffic while looking up at them big tall buildings.
Re:as always, humans are weak in the mind (Score:4, Funny)
That's a mighty nice soapbox you have there.
With a stick and some string, you'd have an even better possum trap.
Re:Alligators (Score:5, Funny)
Bring in alligators to eat the opossum, and then in the winter, they'll all freeze to death.
A friend keeps singing a song to her kid about an alligator going snap. I keep telling her she'll need liquid oxygen to achieve that, but I don't think she's got the message.
Re:possum is a food group here in alabama. (Score:5, Funny)
Badgers? Badgers? We don't need no stinkin' badgers!
And now i will imitate the Simpsons (Score:5, Funny)
Re:possum is a food group here in alabama. (Score:5, Funny)
Seriously though, no one in their right mind down here would try to destroy a rat problem with a possum problem. Matter of fact, anyone that doesn't call them 'possum' doesn't really have any experience with the nasty things
I'm with you -- what the hell were they thinking? Anyone from south of the Mason Dixon line would know damned well that turning possums loose on NYC would lead to complete chaos. The possum's preferred meal is Your Garbage, and a NYC alleyway is a possum's smorgasbord.
But I do have an alternate theory. Someone from the Big City came down South and said something stupid about the size of our "rats". Someone from the Little Southern Town said, "We call 'em 'possums', and they'd eat your so-called Noo Yawk rats for breakfast". The city slicker promptly requested a truckload be delivered, and my cousin Bubba gladly obliged... knowing exactly what lay in store for Mr. Smarty-Pants from the city.
Or it could have been an evil plot to wreak toothy, naked-tailed revenge for the wrongs inflicted upon the South during the Civil War... oh, sorry, I mean "War of Northern Aggression". YMMV.
Re:Wild Animals Should Stay In the Wild (Score:3, Funny)
Re:possum is a food group here in alabama. (Score:3, Funny)
Badgers? Badgers?
Mushroom! Mushroom!
Re:Obligatory Simpsons (Score:2, Funny)
Re:The obvious solution (Score:5, Funny)
Re:The obvious solution (Score:3, Funny)
Well, yes, until they turn into killer cars [youtube.com], and then you need mutant long-cats to deal with the cars.
And then dismembered hands to deal with the long-cats....
Re:Hipsters (Score:5, Funny)
Mod this post up!
How very meta.
Re:Common sense... (Score:5, Funny)
Maybe I have the benefit of experience, having lived in the south and all, but WHO WOULD BE SO F#$%ING STUPID AS TO USE POSSUMS FOR PEST CONTROL?
New Yorkers, apparently.
Re:Ugh... (Score:3, Funny)
Are you asking the possum? or the person cooking it?
Re:possum is a food group here in alabama. (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Obligatory Simpsons (Score:1, Funny)
They'd do that in NYC, but you need a .50 cal to kill a New York rat.
Re:Wild Animals Should Stay In the Wild (Score:5, Funny)
Comment removed (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Wild Animals Should Stay In the Wild (Score:3, Funny)
Isn't that the plot to Old Yeller?
Re:possum is a food group here in alabama. (Score:4, Funny)
"Excuse me, kind sir, but could you kindly tip this garbage receptacle at such an angle as to let me escape my confinement? I would be mighty grateful, if so." That would help; as would a tip of his top hat. He also wears a monocle.
Re:No, no, no! (Score:2, Funny)
As a ginger naturally I felt offended by you providing me with said link.
But when I finally get my revenge when we gingers take over the world due to the revengue collected from the sales of Tori Amos CDs and ginger porn which we continuously put in a big fund, it will be a special pleasure to me to forcing you to carry my umbrella whenever I leave the house in broad daylight.
Re:Ugh... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Alligators (Score:1, Funny)
Q: How do you make a dog go meow?
A: Freeze it solid and run it through a bandsaw
Re:Wild Animals Should Stay In the Wild (Score:1, Funny)
Nuke it from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
Re: Blue Bellies Afraid of 'possoms! (Score:3, Funny)
"You ever seen a NYC sewer rat, son?"
Sure, they are always on the news. It seems they congregate mainly at Wall Street and wear pin-striped suits. I agree that they are (a) scary and (b) need to be exterminated as a threat to health. /sarcasm
Re:Wild Animals Should Stay In the Wild (Score:3, Funny)
I'm sure being both black and white they're actually quite understanding.