CDC Warns of Zombie Apocalypse 300
scotbuff writes "The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have written an article about preparing for a zombie apocalypse on their blog. The CDC knows that a zombie apocalypse is no joke. 'If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine). It’s likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated.'"
Damage Control (Score:4, Funny)
... patient management and [...] infection control
So, that's the bit with the guns and the fire, right?
Re:Much like any other outbreak? (Score:5, Funny)
Really? How many known diseases cause humans to turn and attack each other?
Usually we call it religion.
Re:Much like any other outbreak? (Score:5, Funny)
Yup. And the whole thing matches perfectly. I mean, let's compare the symptoms of zombification and religiousness:
Aggressive behaviour towards people with brains? Yup.
Mindless repetition of the same utterances? Yup.
Congregation with other diseased? Yup.
My friend, I guess you're on the right track here.
Re:Just die already (Score:5, Funny)
Tbh I thought it had already died, but somehow it's come back.
Re:Damage Control (Score:5, Funny)
"Oh Jimmy! I thought you were dead! You got hurt though and kind of have an odd vacant expression, let me give you A BIG HUG... OW! Why are you biting me, drooling, and grunting?!? No! Stop! Jimmy, I don't understand! Are you hungry? Oh good, a big crowd of people just showed up to help me.... OH GOD WHY ARE THEY BITING ME TOO?!?! THIS MAKES NO SENSE!!!"
Maybe some people who are so sheltered they've never seen a zombie movie would make that rookie mistake, but the rest of us will be all
"I'm sorry grandma... well sorry you're dead anyway, but no use crying over spilled milk and I've ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THIS WITH A CHAINSAW!!!"
Re:Damage Control (Score:4, Funny)
A real-life zombie apocalypse would very likely look nothing like the movies.
You mean they won't be shambling, mindless creatures bent on eating your brains? Wow, those would definitely be the most dangerous zombies of all. You can't tell them apart from normal people!
Hmm... Better be safe.
[Fires up chainsaw and starts driving to grandma's house]