Amazon Selects Their Favorite Fake Customer Reviews 98
An anonymous reader writes "Amazon's just created a new web page where they're officially acknowledging fake reviews posted by their customers — and they've even selected their own favorites . ('I was very disappointed to have my uranium confiscated at the airport. It was a gift for my son for his birthday. Also, I'm in prison now, so that's not good either...') On the front page of Amazon, in big orange letters, Amazon posted 'You guys are really funny.'And then — next to a funny picture of a rubber horse head mask — Amazon's linked to a list of some of the very best satirical reviews their customers have submitted over the years, noting fondly that 'occasionally customer creativity goes off the charts in the best possible way...'"
one of my favorites (Score:5, Funny)
I'm reading this while wearing my three wolf moon shirt. It's the best shirt in the world, if only it glowed in the dark.
Re:one of my favorites (Score:4, Funny)
Ahh good ol' Wenger 16999 Swiss Army Knife Giant (Score:5, Funny)
Greatest Review Of All Time (Score:5, Funny)
Read http://www.amazon.com/review/RXXPVOUH9NLL3
I'll quote the first stanza:
Once upon a mid-day sunny, while I savored Nuts 'N Honey,
With my Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 gal, 128 fl. oz., I swore
As I went on with my lapping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at the icebox door.
'Bad condensor, that,' I muttered, 'vibrating the icebox door -
Only this, and nothing more.'
All of the ones for the banana slicer are funny (Score:5, Funny)
What can I say about the 571B Banana Slicer that hasn't already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone.... this is one of the greatest inventions of all time. My husband and I would argue constantly over who had to cut the day's banana slices. It's one of those chores NO ONE wants to do! You know, the old "I spent the entire day rearing OUR children, maybe YOU can pitch in a little and cut these bananas?" and of course, "You think I have the energy to slave over your damn bananas? I worked a 12 hour shift just to come home to THIS?!" These are the things that can destroy an entire relationship. It got to the point where our children could sense the tension. The minute I heard our 6-year-old girl in her bedroom, re-enacting our daily banana fight with her Barbie dolls, I knew we had to make a change. That's when I found the 571B Banana Slicer. Our marriage has never been healthier, AND we've even incorporated it into our lovemaking. THANKS 571B BANANA SLICER!
And my personal favorite review of the banana slicer:
I would rate this product as just okay. It's kind of cheaply made. But it works better than the hammer I've been using to slice my bananas.
Denon Gold Plated Ethernet Cables (Score:5, Funny)
I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the reviews on this [amazon.com] page yet for Denon's AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable, a $500 gold-connector CAT5 cable. Possibly the greatest fake reviews on Amazon.com
Oh, wait. It's mentioned on TFA. Well, since nobody reads that anyway so can we still say I was the first guy to mention it? Plus, they deserve being mentioned twice anyway ;-)
Re:Trying reading reviews for odd products (Score:2, Funny)
I remember a great evening with the family when we were reading reviews for laxatives...
Oooh-kay.
Other of my favorites (Score:5, Funny)
One for the cellar
One is immediately drawn to this vintage by the colour, which is an elegant, pale straw hue with an appealing peachy fruit on the nose. It has an incredibly effervescent bead -- the whole glass teams with bubbles -- culminating in a frothy layer at the head.
The palate has panache, with a firm, mineral acidity that cuts through a rather elegantly styled, poised meaty presence. As with most Chateau Deerbuster products, this has the signature leafy-fresh character, which softens into a slight rancid feel towards the end.
Even though it has a rather short and crisply defined finish, I still believe this has the composition and acidity to age well in the cellar of any self-respecting urine connoisseur.
Good and bad...
This product gets three stars and here's why:
Good: This is soooooooo much easier than trying to get the Wolf Urine directly from a Wolf. Wolves are, from my experience, VERY possessive of their urine. Until the advent of the The Mountain Men's Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee (which acts to calm the wolves) let's just say vicious bites and deep lacerations were the norm when trying to "milk" the wolves of their urine (how else can you get it?). Even with the The Mountain Men's Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee it was never easy. This product had changed all of that!
Bad: As a lure this thing sucks. I can't even get a hook into it. It's liquid! HELLOOOOOO??? Who makes a lure out of liquid??? Shiny plastic, rubber, or metal, sure, but liquid? No, this is a serious design flaw.
Fresh Whole Rabbit [amazon.com]
I know what it's like to be a feral dog
Like many suburban homeowners, I like to kill and eat the wild animals that populate my backyard. To keep it sporting, I hunt naked, with my teeth and long sharpened fingernails as my only weapons. I've feasted on squirrel, raccoon, vole and numerous songbirds. But no matter how long I lay spread eagle and motionless in the hot noonday sun, I have never been able to outwit and catch any of the plump and juicy rabbits that hop just outside my reach and then bolt for the woods when I leap forward with a blood-curdling shriek. I have chased them at a dead run through the yards of the many unoccupied homes that surround mine but the pursuit always ends in frustration. But no more, thanks to Amazon. Every week, I order a fresh whole rabbit and affix it to a remote control car that is operated by one of my children. This way, I get the thrill of the hunt, and when the car's batteries are exhausted, I can leap upon it, bury my teeth into the rabbit's soft flesh and perform my ritual victory dance right there in the Walgreen's parking lot.
Funniest of all time (Score:5, Funny)
Playmobil Security Check Point "Thank you Playmobil for allowing me to teach my 5-year old the importance of recognizing what a failing bureaucracy in a ever growing fascist state looks like." http://www.amazon.com/PLAYMOBIL%C2%AE-36138-Playmobil-Security-Check/product-reviews/B0002CYTL2 [amazon.com]
What is that this has been going on for a long time and Amazon has let it continue without comment. Not so cool management is still on board, but still good to see a megacorporation with a genuine sense of humor as opposed to obvious ad agency promotions.
Re:Ahh good ol' Wenger 16999 Swiss Army Knife Gian (Score:5, Funny)
I was about to buy the Wenger based on his review, up until he mentioned penguins in the Arctic Circle. After that, I found it difficult to trust anything he had said.
Re:I deny everything (Score:5, Funny)
Re:one of my favorites (Score:5, Funny)
This shirt has changed my life! Before, I couldn't walk through the aisles at Wal-Mart, graze on the buffet at Sizzler, or even take in a round at my local miniature golf course, without people pointing and saying, "Hey, you're that Zulu guy from Star Wars, aren't you?" Even if I wore sunglasses, I'd still get mistaken for Yoko Ono. But with The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee, the SHIRT now draws the eye. One young teen even shyly approached me, and instead of asking for a picture or an autograph, simply smiled conspiratorially and whispered, "Team Jacob, right? Me, too. He's sooooooo dreamy." Yes he is, young lady. Yes. He. Is.
remember the badonkadonk! (Score:3, Funny)
affiliate link (Score:3, Funny)
classy move, throwing your affiliate link in there.