Chevron Gives Residents Near Fracking Explosion Free Pizza

Lasrick writes "Chevron hopes that free soda and pizza can extinguish community anger over a fracking well fire in Dunkard Township, Pennsylvania. From the story: 'The flames that billowed out of the Marcellus Shale natural gas well were so hot they caused a nearby propane truck to explode, and first responders were forced to retreat to avoid injury. The fire burned for four days, and Chevron currently has tanks of water standing by in case it reignites. Of the twenty contractors on the well site, one is still missing, and is presumed dead.' The company gave those who live nearby a certificate for a free pizza and some soda."

Cold Pizza?

[Anonymous Coward]

As a bonus, Dunkard Township residence can reheat the pizza with their kitchen faucets

Hot Dogs & Marshmallows

[ebno-10db]

They should have given them hot dogs and marshmallows instead, to roast if it reignites,

They need to read the fine print.

[140Mandak262Jamuna]

At the back of the coupon that gets them the free pizza, it is written in very faint lettering, in the same font used to list ingredients in the raman noodle soup, the following, "By redeeming this coupon I hereby forego all claims I have against Chevron and accept the pizza as the full and fair compensation for all the damages that might have been caused to me by Chevron, its associates, its lobbyists, its banksters and/or its legislators, including all damages already caused, all damages that could be caused in the future, in this life, (and in the next seven reincarnations if I am a Hindu or a Buddhist)".

There lawyers are really really clever.

That covers all the pizza I've had

[SuperKendall]

I have to say, in many years I've yet to have a pizza explode - no matter how hard you shake it.

Just another notch in the belt of Pizza as superior food item.

Re:Scientists Create Pizza That Can Last Years

[FatdogHaiku]

Scientists Create Pizza That Can Last Years

But that pizza is served just about room temperature. Now, if you store it close to that natural gas well site you could have some fracking HOT pizza!

Re:What the

[MightyMartian]

I'm saddened to hear there are ACs in the future. BTW, how does Beta turn out?

Re:Scientists Create Pizza That Can Last Years

[Cryacin]

Man, I don't want soda, I want brawno! Because it contains electrolytes!

And they doused the fire with water? Like, from the toilet?

Re:What the

[Cryacin]

This topic is about fracking wells, not being well fracked.

Re:I would boycott Chevron...

[Bite The Pillow]

Fuck you, It's FREE pizza. Get that shit. Nothing to eat? Eat free pizza! It's free, and its pizza!

And they might give you water instead of soda, so your needs are covered. Shut your piehole, except for the part where you shove pizza pie in it. Like the good lord intended.