Physicists Prove That Vampires Could Not Exist

You can put away your wooden stakes, and stop hanging garlic around the windows, thanks to Physicists Costas Efthimiou and Sohang Gandhi. The pair have published a paper where they demonstrate, by virtue of geometric progression, that vampires could not exist. It turns out that the vampire's method of feeding and reproduction would deplete their food supply very quickly. Their paper, "Cinema Fiction vs. Physics Reality," assumes that the first vampire appeared on January 1, 1600 and shows that everybody on the planet would have had their blood drained by June, 1602.

Re:

[Niris]

*nods* I heard about this plenty of times. Wasn't even a twinkle in the eye thirty years ago, but yeah, old proof is old :p

Re:

[SpuriousLogic]

Yeah, this is definitely not new. I've heard this numerous times over the years. But anyone who needs this to disprove vampires is a bit off kilter anyway.

Paper from TFA

[EmTeedee]

The paper can be found here: http://arxiv.org/abs/physics/0608059 [arxiv.org] And it includes some other topics as well (e.g. Ghosts, Zombies).

Problem here...

[meringuoid]

It seems to assume that there are no slayers. Introduce something that kills off vampires in substantial numbers and the population dynamics change substantially, to the extent that a stable equilibrium [buffistas.org] can be achieved.

Of course even that only works for the model scenario of one small town in California. For a global solution you'd need large numbers of slayers distributed worldwide. But that shouldn't be a problem. I mean, nobody would be fool enough to set up a vampire-control organisation with only one

Re:

[tirerim]

It also assumes that every human that gets bitten turns into a vampire, which is not the case in many (most?) universes.

Sounds like

[snl2587]

...something a vampire would say.

Epidemiologists vs Physicists

[meehawl]

I don't rely on epidemiologists to solve quantum physics problems. Similarly, I don't rely on physicists to solve vampire plague problems.

Geometric Progression for the Lose

[Lucractius]

I don't see how this proves anything. Geometric progression doesn't mean crap when they A: don't have to suck you dry to get through a day, and B: being sucked dry doesn't automatically turn you into a vampire.
With those 2 things in mind...
The whole geometric progression seems completely Incorrect.

The French

[zakeria]

they forgot to include the French into this equation, nobody's wants to suck the French!