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The RMS Tour Rider 373

larry bagina writes "It's no secret that rock stars have riders — provisions on their contractual appearances that require a bowl of brown-free M&Ms or specify the exact brand of bottled water, cocaine purity, etc. Well, Richard Stallman has his own quirky list of provisions." Some of the best stuff is at the end, including: "I do not eat breakfast. Please do not ask me any questions about what I will do [for] breakfast. Please just do not bring it up," and "One situation where I do not need help, let alone supervision, is in crossing streets. I grew up in the middle of the world's biggest city, full of cars, and I have crossed streets without assistance even in the chaotic traffic of Bangalore and Delhi. Please just leave me alone when I cross streets."
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The RMS Tour Rider

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  • by Dr_Barnowl ( 709838 ) on Friday October 28, 2011 @10:29AM (#37869326)

    It reads like a list of his negative experiences. Especially the bit about parrots.

    I found myself identifying with a lot of it - I'm obviously just better socially adjusted than he is when I put up with these things.

    It's a lot less ridiculous than some of the riders of celebrities - it actually represents his preferences, mostly his preference to be treated like an independent adult, rather than stupid things that crop up on some peoples riders like a bowl M&Ms with all the green ones picked out.

    • by merrickm ( 1192625 ) on Friday October 28, 2011 @10:36AM (#37869396)
      The Van Halen M&Ms thing wasn't stupid. It was right in the middle of a bunch of important safety stuff that was particularly important due to the huge crowds Van Halen was drawing. If no M&Ms, they knew the venue hadn't carefully gone through the safety stuff.
      • Mod parent up. Everyone whinges about poor specifications: Van Halen had theirs written very clearly, and the M&Ms were a trap to ensure someone had read and paid attention to them...

      • by farrellj ( 563 ) *

        That move by VH was the most brilliant single thing that any band/artist has added to the standard touring contract!!! And probably the most misunderstood!

        ttyl
                  Farrell

      • Aha, thank you for the enlightenment. That's actually not a bad trick.

        I should have fallen back on something like Iggy and the Stones who demand that broccoli and cauliflower should be “cut into individual florets and thrown immediately into the garbage” ...

        • Aha, thank you for the enlightenment. That's actually not a bad trick.

          No, but I really think they should have gone for something more subtle and less "wacky".

          It shows they read the rider- but not that they paid attention to it. Something as wacky as no brown M&Ms stands out and is easily remembered.

          Yes, they'll remember something as wacky as that - but then they'll forget the mundane details.

          They should have used some other less wacky parameter if they wanted to test if attention had been paid.

      • Still doesn't explain why they needed two tubes of KY jelly in the dressing room. :)

      • Just for good measure:

        http://www.snopes.com/music/artists/vanhalen.asp [snopes.com]

        Brown Out

        Claim: Van Halen's standard performance contract contained a provision calling for them to be provided with a bowl of M&Ms, but with all the brown candies removed.

        Status: True.

        Example: [Harrington, 1981]

        Van Halen tends to make the news portion of radio more often than it gets airplay. There was the M&M riot in New Mexico where the band did thousands of dollars of damage to a hall when they were served brown M&Ms — their contract said the brown ones had to be removed.

        Origins: Rock concerts have come a long ways since the days when the Beatles performed in boxing rings and hockey rinks, and made no greater demand of Van Halen promoters than they be provided with clean towels and a few bottles of soft drinks. As the audiences grew larger, promoters stood to make more and more money from staging concerts, which meant that not only could rock stars command higher prices for their performances, but they were able to demand other perks as well, such as luxurious accommodations, lavish backstage buffets, and chauffeured transportation. It was inevitable that some high-demand acts, all their financial and pampering whims satisfied, would exercise their power and start making frivolous demands of promoters, simply because they could.

        By far the most notorious of these whimsical requests is the legend that Van Halen's standard concert contract called for them to be provided with a bowl of M&Ms backstage, but with provision that all the brown candies must be removed. The presence of even a single brown M&M in that bowl, rumor had it, was sufficient legal cause for Van Halen to peremptorily cancel a scheduled appearance without advance notice (and usually an excuse for them to go on a destructive rampage as well).

        The legendary "no brown M&Ms" contract clause was indeed real, but the purported motivation for it was not. The M&Ms provision was included in Van Halen's contracts not as an act of caprice, but because it served a practical purpose: to provide an easy way of determining whether the technical specifications of the contract had been thoroughly read (and complied with). As Van Halen lead singer David Lee Roth explained in his autobiography:
        Van Halen was the first band to take huge productions into tertiary, third-level markets. We'd pull up with
        nine eighteen-wheeler trucks, full of gear, where the standard was three trucks, max. And there were many, many technical errors — whether it was the girders couldn't support the weight, or the flooring would sink in, or the doors weren't big enough to move the gear through.

        The contract rider read like a version of the Chinese Yellow Pages because there was so much equipment, and so many human beings to make it function. So just as a little test, in the technical aspect of the rider, it would say "Article 148: There will be fifteen amperage voltage sockets at twenty-foot spaces, evenly, providing nineteen amperes . . ." This kind of thing. And article number 126, in the middle of nowhere, was: "There will be no brown M&M's in the backstage area, upon pain of forfeiture of the show, with full compensation."

        So, when I would walk backstage, if I saw a brown M&M in that bowl . . . well, line-check the entire production. Guaranteed you're going to arrive at a technical error. They didn't read the contract. Guaranteed you'd run into a problem. Sometimes it would threaten to just destroy the whole show. Something like, literally, life-threatening.
        Nonetheless, the media ran exaggerated and inaccurate accounts of Van Halen's using violations of the "no brown M&Ms" clause as justification for engaging in childish, destructive behavior (such as the newspaper article quoted at the top of this page). David Lee Roth's version of such events was decidedly different:
        The folks in Pueblo, Colora

      • by cs668 ( 89484 ) <cservin@crom[ ]on.com ['agn' in gap]> on Friday October 28, 2011 @01:09PM (#37871574)

        I worked at a company that shipped hardware, as a part of the contract the customer agreed not to open that hardware. Inside every shipped system there was a rubber chicken, if anyone ever called the support line and asked about the rubber chicken you knew they opened the box.

    • I'm obviously just better socially adjusted than he is when I put up with these things.

      I'm not sure if it's that, or that the minor things add up to a major aggravation if you travel for a living and have to deal with them daily. If you don't like eggs but everyone seems to want to serve you eggs each morning, I could see that wearing thin rather quickly.

    • by ThorGod ( 456163 )

      I agree, it reads like a 'road often traveled' list. He's been there, done that, and here's his quality control list.

      I'm lucky enough to say I've met him. He really is *very* well thought-out in his ideas. Too bad I was a college sophomore at the time or I would have said more to him.

      PS: I find it hilarious that your repliers are defending Van Halen. I'm not saying they're wrong, I just find it hilarious.

    • by account_deleted ( 4530225 ) on Friday October 28, 2011 @01:46PM (#37872056)
      Comment removed based on user account deletion
    • by Brannon ( 221550 ) on Friday October 28, 2011 @02:10PM (#37872338)

      The unfaltering adolation of the smug technorati has destroyed any sense of shame or social awareness Stallman ever had; what's left is a barely functional self-absorbed idealogue.

    • by SuperBanana ( 662181 ) on Friday October 28, 2011 @02:23PM (#37872474)

      It reads like a list of his negative experiences. Especially the bit about parrots.

      The document shows an unbelievably narcissistic man-child with grandiosity problems who is a technological dinosaur, has no social skills, and fails to recognize that he is an ambassador, not a king.

      It's long since been time that the FSF found a new ambassador - someone who doesn't, for example, consider themselves to be hassled by having dinner with 'more than four people'.

  • Parrots? (Score:4, Funny)

    by RyuuzakiTetsuya ( 195424 ) <taiki@@@cox...net> on Friday October 28, 2011 @10:30AM (#37869330)

    What if we all got him a plush toy parrot? Would he be amused or annoyed?

  • by Megaweapon ( 25185 ) on Friday October 28, 2011 @10:33AM (#37869360) Homepage

    is the most proprietary meal of the day.

  • you need to know what I dislike ...many strong cheeses, especially those with green fungus

    He must have very weak toe cheese.

  • by Sockatume ( 732728 ) on Friday October 28, 2011 @10:35AM (#37869392)

    RMS gets a lot of mockery for this, but for all the eccentricity, it reveals him as a man who thinks really hard about what he does, and making sure it fits his moral code. How many of us would avoid long-distance trains, or ask conference organisers to use pseudonyms for hotel rooms, because we were so stubbornly committed to the idea of privacy? I'm too much of a pragmatist to put up with that sort of nonsense but I admire the integrity on display.

    • by DrgnDancer ( 137700 ) on Friday October 28, 2011 @10:47AM (#37869556) Homepage

      What about the Pepsi which he may or may not like to be offered depending on if he's sleepy or not? What I took away from this is that he wants to be a spokesman for Free Software, but not if it inconveniences him in any way or requires him to leave his comfort zone. The whole thing with refusing to speak if there are sponsorship banners, or refusing to interviews if the interviewer isn't willing to "properly" refer to GNU/Linux or conflates Free and Open Source Software... Arguably such people are the ones who might most benefit from his message. Appearing on stage next to a banner might produce the opportunity to talk about why he disagrees with such things... talking to a reporter who conflates "Free" and "Open Source" might provide an opportunity to talk about the difference. Both could be done in a non-confrontational way that none the less shows what he believes and why.

      Most of this stuff says "I don't want to talk to you if you don't already agree with me almost entirely". What's the point? It's more mutual masturbation at that point than advocacy.

      • I'm by no means saying that his rhetorical approach is effective or justified. He's not exactly software freedom's greatest spokesperson. The extremism of his stance is a barrier to the adoption of his ideas. However you can't argue with his consistency. Many of the entries there are clearly the result of him sitting down and thinking about whether action X really fits with the ideals he espouses.

        • by ArAgost ( 853804 )
          What about “no trains because they spy me” but he's ok with planes?
          • I'm guessing this is because there is no practical alternative to planes. To travel overseas, your options are planes and boats. For one who needs to be a lot of places each year, a boat isn't feasible due to travel time.
      • by Jose ( 15075 )

        refusing to interviews if the interviewer isn't willing to "properly" refer to GNU/Linux or conflates Free and Open Source Software... Arguably such people are the ones who might most benefit from his message. Appearing on stage next to a banner might produce the opportunity to talk about why he disagrees with such things... talking to a reporter who conflates "Free" and "Open Source" might provide an opportunity to talk about the difference. Both could be done in a non-confrontational way that none the les

        • by jimicus ( 737525 )

          by the time he finishes his speech, he has spoken at length on the differences. why repeat it to a journalist?

          Most of the media has spent the last twenty years systematically reducing their staff. It's now the case (indeed, has been for some time) that asking a journalist to do much in the way of work in terms of researching and writing articles for anything that isn't really important to their readership is pretty much a waste of time - they've got far too many pages to fill and far too little time to write the content.

          This is why so many things you read in the news read like barely warmed-over press releases - be

      • You misunderstand his position. He does not want to be the guy who goes around rehashing all of his ideas and convincing people of the same things over and over. He would prefer other people do that, and leave him time to think about and respond to new situations.

        He is a trailblazer, and wants to dedicate his time towards new trails, not old ones. Have the same argument with different people over 20 years, and you'll tire of it too.

      • What about the Pepsi which he may or may not like to be offered depending on if he's sleepy or not? What I took away from this is that he wants to be a spokesman for Free Software, but not if it inconveniences him in any way or requires him to leave his comfort zone.

        That's your persepective. What I took away was "Please provide two cans of Pepsi (not Coke or diet), but don't be surprised if I don't drink them". And that he is verbose and can't help going off on tangents.

      • What about the Pepsi which he may or may not like to be offered depending on if he's sleepy or not?

        It's clear that you have never read a rider. I've read a bunch of them for musicians and comedians both nice and douchey and most all of them demand specifically-branded products and so on. It took two women three hours a piece to shop for Willie Nelson and he doesn't even get off the bus except when it's time to perform. Or you'll have a request for this or that brand of organic bread or juice or what have you — in this backwater you're lucky if you get food made out of CHON, let alone certified orga

    • For him, it's pragmatic as well. I'm sure that there would be no shortage of parties who'd be happy to stoop to smearing his integrity by claiming that he didn't really believe in what he professed to believe.

      Either way, I agree. It must take some serious dedication.

    • by Trolan ( 42526 ) on Friday October 28, 2011 @10:53AM (#37869618) Homepage

      Alas, it's also suitable to modify his moral code when it's convenient.

      Big Brother has no right to know where I travel, or where you travel, or where anyone travels. If they arbitrarily demand a name, give a name that does not belong to any person you know of. If they will check my ID before I board the bus or train, then let's look for another way for me to travel. (In the US I never use long-distance trains because of their ID policy.)

      And yet he's fine with planes...

    • But if he stays with you and you have a friendly parrot he will be very, very glad.
    • Comment removed based on user account deletion
      • Yet he's perfectly willing to give in to the same requirements in order to fly in a plane. I guess pragmatism wins over principle at some level of inconvenience.

        Well, of course it does. In his own words [stallman.org]:

        I firmly refuse to install non-free software or tolerate its installed presence on my computer or on computers set up for me to use.

        However, if I am visiting somewhere and the machines available nearby happen to contain non-free software, through no doing of mine, I don't refuse to touch them. I will use them briefly for tasks such as browsing. This limited usage doesn't give my assent to the software's license, or make me responsible its being present in the com

    • RMS gets a lot of mockery for this, but for all the eccentricity, it reveals him as a man who thinks really hard about what he does, and making sure it fits his moral code. How many of us would avoid long-distance trains, or ask conference organisers to use pseudonyms for hotel rooms, because we were so stubbornly committed to the idea of privacy? I'm too much of a pragmatist to put up with that sort of nonsense but I admire the integrity on display.

      I'm sorry but all this sounds more like a benign psychological disorder than some sort of moral code. Perhaps a little mania exists in many uncompromising crusaders.

    • Most of us wouldn't, because we're not insane.

    • by Princeofcups ( 150855 ) <john@princeofcups.com> on Friday October 28, 2011 @12:07PM (#37870714) Homepage

      RMS gets a lot of mockery for this, but for all the eccentricity, it reveals him as a man who thinks really hard about what he does, and making sure it fits his moral code. How many of us would avoid long-distance trains, or ask conference organisers to use pseudonyms for hotel rooms, because we were so stubbornly committed to the idea of privacy? I'm too much of a pragmatist to put up with that sort of nonsense but I admire the integrity on display.

      Not quite. It shows that he expects other people to go to extreme lengths to provide him with very trivial wants (not needs), things that he should be able to deal with like anyone else in society. People in power get there because they enjoy power, and they enjoy watching other people jump through flaming hoops for them. It's how they show their superiority. Compare this to Woz, who hangs out in line at the Apple store for the new phone just because he prefers to live a normal life, as opposed to pulling strings and having people cater to him.

      • by blair1q ( 305137 )

        I didn't see anything exhorbitant there.

        He can't sleep when it's hot (and a lot of places still interested in his brand of technobabble will be sub-tropical) so he needs accomodations with adequate cooling, and he doesn't want to be fawned over (and a lot of places still interested in his brand of technobabble will be staffed by servile cultures who see him as a bigshot deserving of obsequious treatment), and he likes Pepsi, not Coke.

        Other than that, he's going into a system that is designed to cater to spe

  • by Just Some Guy ( 3352 ) <kirk+slashdot@strauser.com> on Friday October 28, 2011 @10:40AM (#37869448) Homepage Journal

    I saw a lot of RMS haters posting this and making fun of him for being a demanding ass. In particular, a lot of popular Mac people on Twitter were laughing at him for being a prima donna. I just don't get it. His requests are basically:

    1. Don't misrepresent my position by describing me as advocating something I'm not.
    2. I'm not rich, so don't make me pay for stuff out of my own pocket because I can't afford to.
    3. I'd much rather sleep on someone's couch and hang out with locals than be chauffeured around and entertained constantly.

    I don't think any of those are unreasonable at all. And as to the "parrot" part? Dude likes parrots. He goes out of his was to say not to buy one for just for his benefit, but if someone already has one he'd like to talk to it. I can't imagine a personal preference request being more accommodating.

    A lot of people disagree with RMS and that's fine. But there's nothing in his tour rider that deserves derision, and I'm not sure why so many people are having fun at his expense when everything he asked for seemed perfectly reasonable.

    • by Stone Rhino ( 532581 ) <mparke@@@gmail...com> on Friday October 28, 2011 @10:52AM (#37869610) Homepage Journal

      He goes into a level of needless detail that makes it obvious how he can be obsessive and self-absorbed. He uses paragraphs to say what a sentence could. He focuses on little distractions and loses sight of how people actually work. It reflects a lot of problems with the FSF's approach and RMS's shortcomings as a public face.

      This is a man who eats things off of his foot while giving a speech. He's shockingly out of touch with the world and sometimes all you can do is laugh.

    • But there's nothing in his tour rider that deserves derision, and I'm not sure why so many people are having fun at his expense when everything he asked for seemed perfectly reasonable.

      It's his tone, not the content. These days, in our times of bully hating, if you 'sound' arrogant, then it is enough for people to not like you, even if you're actually the nicest guy in the world.

      • I guess you read it the way you want to. I interpreted his tone as "let's get down to business; here's what I need".
        • Maybe you're old. If you talk to teenagers or even college students these days, you can't say, "A, B C." You have to say, "A, and how do you feel about A? B, and what do you want about B? C, and is C alright for you?" If you don't take the other person into consideration, it will often be interpreted as arrogant.

          This list is entirely about Richard Stallman. He doesn't apologize, doesn't inquire about the feelings of the other person, he states directly what he needs, and that's it. A lot of people will ta
          • The problem isn't really the 'demands'. At least, not for me. It's the ranty unnecessary amounts of detail. The guy doesn't seem arrogant, necessarily. I mean, he'd rather just bum in on the couch for fuck's sake. He just seems like he has a disturbingly small grip on reality. I didn't need a paragraph on how awesome parrots were. "I like birds, but don't get one on my account, because I don't want you to be responsible for taking care of him for the rest of your life hours later when I leave." Simp
      • But there's nothing in his tour rider that deserves derision, and I'm not sure why so many people are having fun at his expense when everything he asked for seemed perfectly reasonable.

        It's his tone, not the content. These days, in our times of bully hating, if you 'sound' arrogant, then it is enough for people to not like you, even if you're actually the nicest guy in the world.

        But Steve Jobs, as we have learned AND as we have known while he was alive, was a grade-A arrogant self-centered narcissistic megalomaniac asshole, straight up, openly and proudly, without any regrets or concern for anyone who wasn't him or — heaven forbiddisagreed with him, and people not only liked him, they worshipped the very ground he walked on. How does that fit in your model?

        • No, he may have ACTUALLY been like that, but when he was on the public stage, he wasn't like that at all. It was all about the user. His attitude was one of, "look at this device I made for you," or at least, it could easily be interpreted that way by a self-centered teenager.

          The most obvious example to see this was the keynote when the iphone was announced. Jobs was up there the first half explaining the cool features the device had and why people would like it. Then the CEO of AT&T got up and talke
    • by sunderland56 ( 621843 ) on Friday October 28, 2011 @11:14AM (#37869944)

      But there's nothing in his tour rider that deserves derision

      Yeah, there is. RMS doesn't like beer. WTF? First computer geek on the planet who doesn't drink beer.

      Maybe that explains his constantly surly attitude.

      • by sconeu ( 64226 )

        I guess I'm the second, then. I don't drink beer because I don't like the taste.

        I'm OK with alcohol (Love me some Jack Daniels), but I can't stand the taste (and aftertaste) of beer.

      1. I'd much rather sleep on someone's couch and hang out with locals than be chauffeured around and entertained constantly.

      The temperature must be perfectly modulated. If it climbs so much as 1 degree above 72, you must supply an electric fan. God help you if the temperature reaches 75.

      Also, no using any internet access that requires him to log in. His preference is apparently for you to give him your credentials so that he may log in to your account whenever he feels like it.

      Those were two that just jumped out at me. Not saying these are entirely unreasonable, he just doesn't sound like someone I would have any interest in dea

    • His requests are basically:

      Don't misrepresent my position by describing me as advocating something I'm not.
      I'm not rich, so don't make me pay for stuff out of my own pocket because I can't afford to.
      I'd much rather sleep on someone's couch and hang out with locals than be chauffeured around and entertained constantly.

      If that's all it was, why does it take 9000 words to say it? The devil is of course in the details. And it's some of the details that he's being ridiculed for.

  • by Le Grande Raoul ( 1726988 ) on Friday October 28, 2011 @10:41AM (#37869452)
    To be fair, the "no brown M&Ms" requirement for Van Halen had a practical purpose. They were finding that a lot of their technical requirements- power supply, lights, venue personnel- were being ignored and problems cropped up when they came to a gig. Sooooo... Near the end of the contract rider- after the technical requirements- they put the 'bowl of M&Ms with no browns' item in as a check. If they found a bowl of M&Ms *with* browns in the dressing room, they directed their guys to go over anything with a fine toothed comb to make sure technical requirements were met because, obviously, the venue setup people did not read the entire rider. And, yes, they found technical problems when they had the "M&Ms with browns" in the dressing room.
    • Clever. It's like a checksum.

      • Yep. And what are they going to do, tell everyone that it's part of their show technical blueprint and it's a check on the venue management? That would kind of ruin their rock star image.

  • The whole thing has an excessive amount of "I don't like the open source movement, so even though the GNU stuff satisfies the definition of open source, don't you dare call it that."

    Oh, the pronunciation of "GNU" is also stupid. Telling people to not pronounce it like the word reminds me of Raymond Luxury Yacht in Monty Python, whose name is pronounced "Throat Warbler Mangrove".

  • That's pretty mild as riders go. I used to have a girlfriend who was a roadie for heavy metal groups, and I've seen far more elaborate tour riders. If you live on the road and don't do that, you will be jerked around. Guaranteed.

    The "no brown M&M" thing has a reason. One band did that as a quick check that their requirements were being met. They had a long list of technical requirements regarding stage equipment. If they showed up and there the M&M requirement had been botched, that usually meant

  • I thought this one was interesting:

    I tend to like music that has a feeling of dance in it, but I sometimes like other kinds too. However, I usually dislike the various genres that are popular in the US, such as rock, country, rap, reggae, techno, and composed American "folk". Please tell me what unusual music and dance forms are present; I can tell you if I am interested.

    • I thought this one was interesting:

      I tend to like music that has a feeling of dance in it, but I
      sometimes like other kinds too. However, I usually dislike the
      various genres that are popular in the US, such as rock, country, rap,
      reggae, techno, and composed American "folk". Please tell me what
      unusual music and dance forms are present; I can tell you if I am
      interested.

      Polka it is, then.

  • by cthlptlk ( 210435 ) on Friday October 28, 2011 @11:01AM (#37869754)

    1. Do not talk about Breakfast Club.

  • This:

    In some places, my hosts act as if my every wish were their command. By catering to my every whim, in effect they make me a tyrant over them, which is not a role I like. I start to worry that I might subject them to great burdens without even realizing.

    Ironic?
  • by guanxi ( 216397 ) on Friday October 28, 2011 @11:06AM (#37869824)

    Traveling is wearing. Every little thing -- finding food to eat, a comfortable place to sleep, privacy, people to talk to -- is difficult. Usually you have to compromise and accept things you wouldn't do at home. If you travel a few times per year, it's no big deal; it's even part of the adventure.

    If you travel continuously, and you've been doing it for years and that's all you have to look forward to, you might to try to find a way to obtain some reliable comforts of home while on the road and without the extra effort.

  • This site is becoming little more than flamebait. I have an idea, how about we post a story about RMS's views on climate change! That should really get some informed discussion going!

    Sorry, you can go back to hippie-punching now.
  • I'm right now toying with the idea to show RMS' list to my SO.

    Wouldn't it be nice to know exactly how to butter her parsnips? Knowing the right door to her boudoir? The precise combination to her highly sophisticated lock?

    My love, stroke my left under arm (and not anything else.) Then proceed with a dignifying Riverdance-like performance (But be certain to either stamp with your right heel or your left toe. The left heel and right toe make me loose my appetite, so to speak.) Perform then as a medieval

Trap full -- please empty.

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