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Slashdot's Disagree Mail 135

Posted by samzenpus
from the they-keep-coming dept.
This installment of Disagree Mail highlights a man's concern about illegal cloning in the Hollywood community, a guy who is sick of US imperialism and his low karma, and an example of the kind of people you don't want as roommates in college. Read below to find out just how crazy, angry and irresponsible it gets.

I remember watching Scarlett Johansson's opening scene in "Lost in Translation" and thinking that the whole movies should be about laying around in t-shirts and panties. I had no idea that Scarlett's beauty was enough to drive someone insane.

from ************
to samzenpus@slashdot.org
date Tue, Dec 2, 2008 at 12:25 AM
"Hello dear Ladies and Gentlemen! I would like inform you that Scarlett Johansson (actress) actually is a clone from original person Scarlett Galabekian last name, who has nothing with acting career. That clone was created illegally by using stolen biological material. Original person is very nice (not d**n sexy),most important - CHRISTIAN young lady! I'll tell you more,those clones (it's not only one) made in GERMANY - world leader manufacturer of humans clones, it is in Ludwigshafen am Rhein, Rhineland-Palatinate, Mr. Helmut Kohl home town. You can not even imaging the scale of the cloning activity. But warning! Helmut Kohl clone staff strictly controlling all their clones (at least they trying) spreading around the world, they are very accurate with that, some of them are still NAZI type disciplined and mind controlled clones, so be careful get close with clones you will be controlled as well. Original person is not happy with those movies, images, video, rumors and etc. spreading on media in that way it would be really nice if we all will try slow down that ''actress'' career development, original Scarlett will really appreciated that. Please remember that original Scarlett's family did not authorize any activity with stolen biological materials, no matter what form it was created in it was stolen and it is stolen. It all need to be delivered to authorized personals control in Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. Original Scarlett never was engaged, by the way! Her close friend Serge G. P.S. CONTROLLING ACTIVITY OF ANY CLONES IS US MILITARY OPERATION. H.R. 534, the Human Cloning Prohibition Act of 2003, was introduced to the U.S. House of Representatives on February 5, 2003. After discussion, it was passed on February 27 by a vote of 241-155. It now moves on to the Senate for consideration. This bill makes it unlawful for any person or entity to perform or participate in human cloning, or to ship or receive embryos produced by human cloning. The penalties are imprisonment of up to 10 years and fines of $1 million or more. These now join other nations as diverse as Norway, Australia, and Germany, which had already added cloning for any purpose to their criminal code. And in Germany where it carries a penalty of five years imprisonment they know a thing or two about unethical science."

I enjoy it when people include real world problems with their rants, like somehow connecting our karma system with geopolitical politics makes their mail more than just a tantrum.

from **********
to posting@slashdot.org
date Tue, Jan 15, 2008 at 12:15 PM
"What the heck do you think you are playin at B4 you start banning the likes of me start readin some of the crap that is posted by other (usually anon cowards) nad clobber them full stop .
And as for this Karma thing yea well hey man get outta the 60's yes i been there then got a life maybe i dont conform to the holy American way of life but the world is NOT RULED by the US of A and never will be , Maybe i dont share the wet frilly knicker outlook but at least i dont HIDE MY NAME behind some false identity you want scary there the ones afraid to be identified in case someone disagrees with them me i dont give a toss want to disagree your welcome but dont expect no easy ride i BITE ! :@ screw karma talk the truth ."

I pulled pranks on classmates in college. Who hasn't? Locking keys in cars, completely dismantling someone's loft, and putting syrup of ipecac in drinks, all fairly standard stuff. It never occurred to me to make a "jizz puck" to slip under anyone 's door.

Date: Mon, 01 May 2006 00:26:36 -0400
From: *******
To: slashdot@slashdot.org
"Given that these e-mails are accessible to the college, threats should not be made towards ***** (we don't want another harassment suit).
Threats should not be made to him in person (obviously), but I do agree about the piss pucks under the door.
Other recommendations include:
-Vacuum cleaner his door at 4am and have everyone scramble.
-If you get sick (cold/flu/mono/etc), be sure to talk to him about your problems for a good loooooong time...to make you feel mentally better (and to bring a smile to everyone else's face).
-Leave the alarm clock on in your room when you leave.
-Have "invitation/members only" parties in the hall with guards at the doors.
-Store your jizz in plastic bags. Freeze and utilize "piss puck" idea. (*******, you just sick enough to do this.)
-Offer "peace offerings" of Pruno
*******
P.s. The "jizz puck" should not actually be considered.
P.s.s. He's from Russia or something, hence the "funky" name."

*

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Slashdot's Disagree Mail

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  • It never occurred to me to make a "jizz puck" to slip under anyone 's door.

    Apparently, then, you've never heard of the "Vomit Puck". There are more, but this is a family friendly site -

    Oh, Wait . . .

    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      by couchslug (175151)

      "There are more, but this is a family friendly site"

      At last, a use for the old cookie cutters I found under the sink.

  • by pwnies (1034518) * <j@jjcm.org> on Friday December 05, 2008 @03:28PM (#26006129) Homepage Journal
    Cmon /., is this really news for nerds? Give it up. You don't need to be web 2.0 for us to love you.
  • ...was another evil trick added to Uncle Togie's Evil Bag O' Goodies...

    Glad to see there're still some mighty sick f**ks out there making life entertaining for the rest of us.

  • by Anonymous Coward on Friday December 05, 2008 @03:36PM (#26006235)

    Where is the sign up page for this?

    It sounds MUCH better than a realdoll.

    • Re: (Score:1, Insightful)

      by Anonymous Coward

      "The penalties are imprisonment of up to 10 years and fines of $1 million or more."

      For a Scarlett Johansson clone? hmm. Ok. Sign me up.

      • by EdIII (1114411) *

        Careful about that.

        disciplined and mind controlled clones, so be careful get close with clones you will be controlled as well

        I doubt if you are mind controlled by her she will want to do the same things you wanted to do with her.

        You have to wrap it up to be protected. By that, I mean your head with tin foil of course.

    • by Tablizer (95088)

      It's simply what happens when sci-fi nerds go off their meds. He/she/it is probably a brilliant security analyst when on meds.

  • I really don't want to know.
  • pucks (Score:2, Funny)

    I've always preferred the original... The hockey puck. Any sentence that starts with 'store your jezz...' CANNOT end well.
  • by UncHellMatt (790153) on Friday December 05, 2008 @03:41PM (#26006297)
    A simple reply: "Go sell crazy someplace else. We're full up here." Ages ago, while selling computers at $BIGCOMPSTORE, I had a guy come in who was convinced that the people at Netscape were spying on him (this was back about '99). He insisted that he needed a new computer, and wanted a Mac because they don't have the same "intrusion issues Windows computers have." He buys one... Has us remove the modem and network port. Goes home. Three days later, he's back in and "this computer is infected too!" He was insistent that the fiends at Netscape had used a satellite to beam in programs to spy on him via IrDA. We politely took the computer back, then refused to sell him another, as this was the 5th one in a month he'd bought then returned, and the manager suggested he seek medical attention. The world is just chock full of crazy. Of course, that just means they fit in at /.
    • by Tablizer (95088)

      A co-worker of mine worked with somebody like that, thinking that the "Feds" were changing her word-processing documents. The odd thing was that she was otherwise normal. How can they otherwise be productive workers, but have such odd delusions? It's odd how the brain doesn't let some things spill over.

    • by forkazoo (138186)

      A simple reply: "Go sell crazy someplace else. We're full up here." Ages ago, while selling computers at $BIGCOMPSTORE, I had a guy come in who was convinced that the people at Netscape were spying on him (this was back about '99). He insisted that he needed a new computer, and wanted a Mac because they don't have the same "intrusion issues Windows computers have." He buys one... Has us remove the modem and network port. Goes home. Three days later, he's back in and "this computer is infected too!" He was i

    • by jonadab (583620)
      > Ages ago, while selling
      > computers at
      > $BIGCOMPSTORE, I
      > had a guy come in who
      > was convinced that the
      > people at Netscape
      > were spying on him

      Oh, they probably were. Netscape had a big domestic spying program back then, on account of the deal they had with the NSA. That's also why they had two different versions of their software, one for US customers and one for export. The one for US customers was designed to spy on you, but then they had to figure out a way to get the public to
  • Funny (Score:5, Funny)

    by electricbern (1222632) on Friday December 05, 2008 @03:41PM (#26006303)
    Come on, tell us the truth. You are holding back on the funny ones, right?
  • by Artifex (18308) on Friday December 05, 2008 @03:46PM (#26006385) Journal

    Because publishing it just encourages more of it. I'm sure by now even more of the weird mail you get is trolling by people who want to see how outlandish they have to act to get attention and mention on the front page.

  • Serge talks back... (Score:1, Informative)

    by Anonymous Coward

    BTW, this clone e-mail thing has been sent in to all kinds of web sites. People ask "Serge" questions about his aligations in this thread at flickfilospher [flickfilosopher.com].

    • Holy Crap, I know serge!

      He lived across the hall in college. At least I think it might very well be him. He had an old "surge" tshirt form the beverage and taped an "e" over the u. He would rant about crazy things, but not to this degree. He'd also go to a lot of raves and dance like a monkey.

      I think he may have finally lost his mind, or this is a really funny joke to him. He did have a bizarre sense of humor.
  • "Geopolitical politics"? From an editor? Shocking but, alas, not surprising.
    • by Tsar (536185)

      "Geopolitical politics"? From an editor? Shocking but, alas, not surprising.

      I think we can do without the editorial editorializing, thank you.

      • by jeffmeden (135043)

        Your irony is somewhat dulled by the fact that he was in fact editorializing an editorial mishap. That is, unless you meant for it to work on two levels. Still got a chuckle out of me, though.

        To the GP: "thinking that the whole movies should be about laying around in t-shirts and panties" could use some work, too.

  • boom (Score:1, Interesting)

    by Anonymous Coward

    Crack an incandescent lightbulb open without damaging the tungsten. Attach a m60 fuse to the tungsten and tape a bag of [foul items] over it. When he enters and turns on the light, three second to explosion of [foul items].

  • Now that everybody knows weird mails are going to get posted like this, I've got to wonder how much of the stuff coming in to you is just an exercise in creative writing backed by a hope to get a stupid story on /.'s front page.
    • Tricky to say. One thing I've noticed about the past few of these is that these are all taken from before they started doing Disagree Mail. So they might have a massive backlog to go through and figure the corporate overlords who deemed this necessary will get sick of it before they run out, meaning they won't need to loop back like you described.

      Yes, I'm operating under the belief that this was forced on Slashdot by their corporate overlords and isn't entirely their fault. So?

  • An old friend of mine used to work at a newspaper, and he would receive a bunch of email from a crazy woman who was convinced she could influence George W. Bush and Vladimir Putin through her TV. She also wrote about how local leaders were all part of a conspiracy.

    In addition to being crazy, she was also rock stupid. Putin took a trip to Georgia (long before the war of this year) and she was wondering what he was doing down South.

    Those were pretty good laughs. She also expected him to get her letters abo

    • by iamhassi (659463)
      is the first email referring to The Island [imdb.com]? Scarlett was in that movie, and she was a clone in the movie, so I could see the confusion, just like it's reasonable to believe that Arnold is a killer robot from the future who is now governor of California.
      • by harrkev (623093)

        just like it's reasonable to believe that Arnold is a killer robot from the future who is now governor of California

        You mean he isn't???

    • by schon (31600)

      a crazy woman who was convinced she could influence George W. Bush and Vladimir Putin through her TV.

      By any chance.. her last name wasn't Palin was it? :) :) :)

  • "nad clobber them full stop"

  • clobber them full stop .

    From now on I'm going to end every sentence with "full stop" just to be annoying full stop.

    Sounds funny when you use it verbally, too full stop.

  • You can not even imaging the scale of the cloning activity.

    How dare you tell me what I can't imagine! I'll be the judge of what I can't imagine.

    I think Han Solo put it well:

    Luke: She's rich.
    Han Solo: [interested] Rich?
    Luke: Rich, powerful. Listen, if you were to rescue her, the reward would be...
    Han Solo: What?
    Luke: Well, more wealth than you can imagine!
    Han Solo: I don't know, I can imagine quite a bit.
    • by Cor-cor (1330671)

      I don't know, I thought that sentence was rather straightforward and possibly even accurate.

      Were there a global cloning conspiracy, I doubt they would allow photography of their weighing apparatus.

      I also suspect Scarlett Johansson would do her best to prevent pictures of any scale she used, if she's at all similar to other women I know.

      Even if you could get access to image her scale, I think there'd be a few photos you would judge more worthwhile.

  • Idleispants (Score:4, Insightful)

    by owlnation (858981) on Friday December 05, 2008 @04:01PM (#26006573)
    Dear editors. Please remove Idle from the RSS feed. Or at least prefix every idle story with the word "IDLE." That way we can avoid reading this crap by accident.

    This is only a fair thing to do. Many of us enjoy reading Slashdot. But Idle does not belong on this site. If you want to post this crap, please keep it as separate as possible.
    • Don't read it (Score:1, Insightful)

      by justinlee37 (993373)

      Yeah, that "back" button on your browser takes just a little too much effort to click on, huh?

    • Re: (Score:2, Insightful)

      by Anonymous Coward

      There's something I don't get here:
      Apparently your time is exceedingly valuable and you should not be bothered reading lame stories on slashdot, yet your post indicates that you click on and read every story in slashdot's rss feed. What part of "Disagree Mail" didn't you understand?

      And to top it all off you wasted more of your oh-so-precious time bitching about it.

      You (and most of the posters to this story) really need to get over yourselves and put the role that slashdot plays in your life back in perspec

    • by BLQWME (791611)
      Please don't censor what comes across my screen...
    • Here's an idea: rework your post into a nutty e-mail message and send it samzenpuss (or one of the other addresses above). Personally, I enjoy the idle section, Mr. Grumpy Gus. Although this particular set of messages seemed a little weak.
    • Could someone write a GreaseMonkey script to remove it? I have no idea how GreaseMonkey works as I don't actually use it, so bear with me here... :3

    • or just dont read anyhtin with idle. in the url.
  • by DaveV1.0 (203135) on Friday December 05, 2008 @04:07PM (#26006645) Journal

    I just want to know where I can get my very own Scarlett clone. And, can they make me a Hayden Panettiere as well?

    • Is it still adultery if you sleep with your wife's clone?

      • Is it still adultery if you sleep with your wife's clone?

        The answer can be easily deduced by following two easy steps:

        1) ask your wife to pretend that she has a twin (unnecessary if she actually has one)
        2) ask her if you can sleep with her sister.

        • by darkonc (47285)
          That doesn't answer the question of whether or not it's adultery, only the question of whether or not you'll get bobbited for doing it.
  • by lxs (131946) on Friday December 05, 2008 @04:12PM (#26006703)
    <fnord>
    Illuminati headquarters in Bavaria have been informed of this and the matter will soon be under control.
    No one will stop our glorious undertaking of flooding the world with Scarlett Johansson lookalikes.

    Project "one Scarlett for every lonely geek" is still on schedule.

    Ewige Blumenkraft-Ewige Schlangenkraft.

    PS.
    Samzenpus your gold is in the mail.
    </fnord>
    • by geekoid (135745)

      Dear Ewige Blumenkraft-Ewige Schlangenkraft.

      I would like to offer my services in doing anything necessary to help you flood the world with Scarlett Johansson lookalikes

      Sincerely,
      The newest member of the Illuminati headquarters in Bavaria secret army.

      72723460248141BRAVO117669030460994BRAVO190392490709135BRAVO

  • The first few disagree mails were better.
  • After all, most of the folks that read this site have been storing it for years... and years... and years... and years...
  • Jizz (Score:1, Informative)

    by Anonymous Coward

    I store my jizz in a Jergen's Hand Lotion bottle, which I place in the women's bathroom when it gets full.

    • by freeweed (309734)

      I like how this was modded "Informative". It's by an AC, so there's no "hey, it's funny, but let's give the poor schlep a karma boost" thinking going on.

      I guess some mods figured it was worth it to get the word out to the 2 women who read Slashdot. ... and the rest of us, who sneak into the girl's can.

  • This whole /. disagree mail segment seems to have outlived its hype. On a side note, the text on that background really hurt my eyes after reading... Anyone volunteer to write a /. an email about it? It would probably be featured here on the next one.
  • Reading Serges rants is 10 times more interesting than the majority of the hubris-filled replies of most of our /. brethren.

    Flickfilosopher comment thread on this is great [flickfilosopher.com].. it seems that Serge gets around, and has a lot of time on his hands...
  • by desinc (788828)

    Damn, you guys are ruthless about bashing the admins.

    This is slashdot, not the comment section for youtube.

    Still, I keep reading disagree mail hoping that they'll get better... they haven't yet. (Except for shampoo, shampoo is hilarious - albeit I wouldn't categorize his writing as 'disagree mail').

  • Set your preferences to filter it.

    If enough people do that, maybe it will go away.
  • The top of the page said: "Idle.slashdot.org is a total waste of your time. Never go there."
  • Idle solution (Score:1, Informative)

    by Anonymous Coward

    Step one:

    AdBlock Plus: Block http://idle.slashdot.org/* [slashdot.org]

    Step two:

    Hosts file:
    127.0.0.1 idle.slashdot.org

    Step three: there is no step three

  • Schizophrenia (Score:4, Insightful)

    by FreekyGeek (19819) <thinkstoomuch@NoSPaM.gmail.com> on Friday December 05, 2008 @05:29PM (#26007545)

    The reason the nutty ones aren't funny to me is because I know exactly where they come from: Schizophrenics. And I don't mean the pop-psychology conception of schizophrenia as somehow being equivalent to "multiple personalities", I mean people with the actual disorder of schizophrenia, as in "A Beautiful Mind", not "Sybil". Paranoia and conspiracy theories are very common in schizophrenics, as are long rambling writings that are grammatically correct but nearly incomprehensible. If you want to see all kinds of the stuff, try working in a congressional office. They get deluged with the stuff.

    It's funny the first few times, but gets old very fast when you start to see how sick these poor people really are. They literally can't help themselves, their brains send them bad information.

    • by MobyDisk (75490)

      That's a good theory. But I propose an alternative: The first post looks like it was created by a Markov Generator [wikipedia.org]. Like somebody was playing with a freely downloadable one, and pasted in some random newspaper page that had stuff about an actress and stuff about cloning.

    • by drinkypoo (153816)

      Honestly, I think schizophrenia is not really one of those either-or things, I think most everyone is a little bit schizophrenic, the degree to which we tend to dis-integrate our personal and work lives for example, it's just not healthy/normal. We cease to be ourselves in such situations...

  • I remember when I was in residence. The best prank was to schedule really odd print jobs in the middle of the night. Extra funny when it was on people that had no clue how to check if another half dozen messages were going to come out all night

    Almost as good as changing their hosts file so hotmail, the school website, and all major news sites went to porn sites. Although I do feel bad in hindsight for that girl that got labeled as a lesbian because of that.
  • But I can't decide if it should be brad_pitt_the_nice_but_not_damn_sexy_non_clone or wet_frilly_knickers_outlook.
  • Oh Dear. I see you're *still* having trouble putting 'text' on a 'web-site'. I know it's hard. Really hard. Let's go shopping!
  • I've seen that Scarlette/Cloning rant somewhere before...
    maybe here [inquisitr.com]
    and here [zimbio.com]
    among the numerous other places. Thanks for posting your spam.
  • I'm pretty sure the /. team never reads this "idle" thing, but whatever....

    >>a guy who is sick of US imperialism and his low karma

    Please, how that guy could be angry because of low karma??? if Karma has gone forever, replaced by those silly words "good, excelent" that can't express the pride narcicism of an old big exponential number!!! I'd suggest the ./ team to return the numeric karma scale as a totally unrelated "just show" number, in order to encourage pendantic geeks, and wannabe writers, while

  • Two Girls, One Puck...
  • American Dad rip-off (Score:3, Informative)

    by kaltkalt (620110) on Saturday December 06, 2008 @12:57PM (#26013697)
    There was a whole episode of American Dad ("Tearjerker") where Roger, playing a James Bond villian, was cloning hollywood actors/actresses, albeit with robots, to make the clones act in horrible movies nobody would want to see, so his movie would win the Oscar.

    Crazy religious people should not be allowed to watch TV.
  • Beware of the Bodysnatchers as they are trying to invade the US.

    While I am aware that my hometown is known for our former Chancellor I was not aware that we are also known for our apparently booming Cloning-Industry.

    I guess you never stop learning.

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