The Art of The Farewell Email 703
With so many people losing their jobs, the farewell email, letting colleagues and contacts know where you are moving and how you can be reached, has become common. Writing a really good one, whether it be funny, sad or just plain mad is an art form. Chris Kula, a receptionist at a New York engineering firm, wrote: "For nearly as long as I've worked here, I've hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support." In May, lawyer Shinyung Oh was let go from the San Francisco branch of the Paul Hastings law firm six days after losing a baby. "If this response seems particularly emotional," she wrote to the partners, "perhaps an associate's emotional vulnerability after a recent miscarriage is a factor you should consider the next time you fire or lay someone off. It shows startlingly poor judgment and management skills — and cowardice — on your parts." Let's hear the best and worst goodbye emails you've seen.
well... (Score:3, Interesting)
"You should've taken away my database access before telling my I was being laid off."
Yeah.. vengeful geeks. Nothing new there.
Re:well... (Score:5, Interesting)
it doesn't get better than this: (Score:2, Interesting)
http://dealbook.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/10/17/good-bye-from-a-hedge-fund-manager/ [nytimes.com]
Re:As far as the miscarriage one goes. . . (Score:5, Interesting)
. . . Good for the managers. Personal problems shouldn't affect their decisions. What, the managers should instead lay off a better employee because they're feeling sorry for this woman?
Also keep in mind that Law Firms are KNOWN for letting go female associates after miscarriages, or if they know that they are trying to get pregnant. They don't want maternity leave and dealing with moms and kids, but they can't fire a pregnant woman. Having a miscarriage can be a career ending event at some firms, because they know you want to have children, but you're no longer pregnant.
Re:As far as the miscarriage one goes. . . (Score:1, Interesting)
mod parent up!! Isn't that almost directly from Office Space?
I simply stopped working for corporations when I realized that if I went into a casino and was told that for every 5 dollars I put on the table, if I won I would get 2 dollars in return, I'd be fucking pissed. That's what you do every week when you spend your 5 days of work time to get 2 days of relaxation.
Re:One thing you may want to do (Score:4, Interesting)
I hope companies will switch to pay cuts over lay offs like HP did and like some companies in Germany are doing (nice there, you get a pay cut but you also get hours cut so you have more life to enjoy at least).
I'd argue that that is actually necessary to future economic development. As technology advances, it's natural that fewer people can get more done in less time. At some point that means that there's less than 8 hours of work per potential worker to be accomplished. The current scheme of firing some and keeping the rest working 8 hours is obviously not workable unless we want a permanent underclass with more guns than food.
Consider, if everyone in the U.S. took half a day off on Friday (or took every other Friday off), we could go from 10% unemployment to zero in short order.
A Cautionary Tale (Score:4, Interesting)
Many moons ago, I worked for a consumer hardware/software company that no longer exists...but their mascot was a professor. With an egg-shaped head. Ahem.
Anyhoo...a manager was packaged one day. He was well-liked by his co-workers and employees, but butted heads with the exec team. On his last day he wrote a lengthy email to everyone in the company detailing why he was very sad to see a company with so many good people and good products go to hell because of poor management, and proceeded to detail examples of what he deemed to be poor management. As he was packing up his desk and saying his goodbyes, he was pulled into the Operations Exec's office along with two corporate lawyers, and spent the last three hours of his last day apologizing for sending the email, and pleading his case as to why he should still be allowed a package, and not be fired outright and have any severance payments and benefits denied on the spot.
Yeah...oops
From The Soul Of A New Machine (Score:3, Interesting)
Which every hacker should read. [theatlantic.com]
Short and sweet (Score:3, Interesting)
My letter.. (Score:5, Interesting)
I voluntarily left a "back-up" position I was given as an apology for my boss eating my budget and thus having to eliminate my original position in the same-ish department . I was somewhat bitter entering the position, but I knew I could make great changes in my new position. Little did I know that the supervisor was angry, paranoid, irrational, and rather cruel to some people. When I quit, I left her with a long letter detailing each of her major leadership and tact-based mistakes she made in the paltry 3 months I was there. I then told her how disappointing it was that she did not have the necessary leadership skills after 15 years in that position ... also noting that my position having gone through 13 people in 5 years should be a clue.
When I resigned that position, it was required to turn in a copy of my resignation letter to HR. So I gave them a copy. "Somehow" others saw it, too. Those others liked it and expressed their condolences... specifically since the person under whom I was employed is an "untouchable" in our industry. She will always be there because of who she is.
Re:Sometimes the simplest statement is the best (Score:2, Interesting)
Re:I was sent simply (Score:2, Interesting)
"So long and thanks for all the fish"
That was *exactly* what I said when I left my last job and only ONE person of FOURTY got it.
Needless to say I hated that job, the people I worked with, and the people I worked for and was more than happy to pack my paper box and haul ass out of there. I love my new job and it's recession-proofness. (seriously)
Re:One thing you may want to do (Score:3, Interesting)
While taking every other Friday off might be beneficial for other reasons, a reduction of worker-hours is unlikely to produce an equal increase in the number of hours available for others. The labor pool is not zero-sum.
See, e.g., http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lump_of_labour_fallacy [wikipedia.org]
One problem is that in many cases two employees working at 50% is less efficient or more expensive than one employee working at 100%.
I really do like the idea of a shortened work week, but the argument that it will reduce employment is a tough sell, and (I believe, but I could be wrong) was tried and failed during the Great Depression.
Re:well... (Score:3, Interesting)
Yeah, never rehire someone who insulted everyone on leaving. And never rehire someone with a known track record of sabotaging the company. Any company who thinks someone is indispensible this way deserves what they get.
Re:Sometimes the simplest statement is the best (Score:3, Interesting)
From a summer ssociate at Cadwalader, Wickersham and Taft:
In case ya'll are doubting my declaring CWT a TTT:
By the time you read this in the morning, I am sure that you will have heard of what happened to me. All for no reason. I warn all the summer associates this firm is a joke of what it used to be. Read the history. With a man like Jordan Schwartz in charge what can you expect. For those that do not know my mother has cancer and I asked if I could leave the firm next Wednesday to take care of her. I was told that I would know by the end of the day my status. Also the day before my 5-year old daughter was in the hospital with a 105 degree fever. It was not a good week and the power at be knew that.
Mr. Schwartz had the gall to complain that I was on my cell phone talking about my daughter's condition during my partner dinner on Monday. That's the problem with the legal profession -- family has to come 2nd. Whoever it was that had a problem with my cell phone use in that situation (Mr. Polkes perhaps, Mr. Perel) should have been man or woman enough to confront me and they would have learned of the crisis and accepted it. Others used their phones too but because of my Italian-American heritage I was singled out.
To my friends, I consider you my friends because you have treated me right. Thank you for many happy times. Until today, I (we) did not see the real side of Cadwalader (who is probably rolling in his grave right now at the State of the Firm). While clearing my stuff from my desk and making telephone arrangements Mr. Schwartz called a security guard to monitor me. Gerry and Mike saw it first hand. Like the old Soviet Union, I was led downstairs to a waiting car. If you remember what I look like, I am a real threat. Please, those in charge are supposed to be rational.
I wish you all good luck and will maybe see some of you tomorrow when I return my Blackberry (which the firm favors over its employees). Doris don't worry you will get it back, but what will you do when Monica comes back and you become another no-good party planner?? The power trip will end.
To all of you I was told by Mr. Schwartz that I will receive pay for my 4 days of work this week if he decides he wants to show "goodwill" towards me. This is fascism. I am actually happy tonight because now I can quit this corrupt profession and not be a bitch for a partner. I can proudly say that I am now no person's bitch. We all heard the bad stuff about this firm before we joined and I was warned but I did not heed the warning and I got repaid. But I will survive. I will work in a profession where I will see my loved ones and will do good. Instead of representing the drug companies who are driving prices up, why not represent the Aids patients or poor who cannot afford these drugs. That joke of a pro bono program also needs no further consideration, we all saw it.
Does any one remember the movie "A Civil Action?" who do identify more with John Travolta who was fighting for the rights of the people or Hale and Dorr who was fighting for the rights of the polluters. Whose side do you think CWT is on. I am glad I can become one of the good guys again. We all like money, but what price to achieve it? Self dignity? I have seen a particular partner commit acts that should be sexual harassment on women at least 4 times. Will he be disciplined? I don't think so because he is a "rainmaker."
I now realize that I don't want to be a lawyer. I don't want the orders from those stuck on themselves and their ivy league schools. I don't want to be disrespected by people who probably cannot hold a family life together and do not know common sense. I don't want to be a bad guy. CWT is the bad guy, the biggest if the bad guy. It tries to prevent those who have legitimate grievances from redress because of their reinsurance knowledge. They are the bad guys, the partners. Remember the "Devil's Advocate?" My soul is mine and will remain mine. To all the people with families who never see them, re-think your lives, is that what yo
Re:One thing you may want to do (Score:3, Interesting)
the "lump of labor fallacy" is somewhat controversial (even the article you point to suggests that). While the pool of labor to be done is not zero sum, it is not fully elastic either.
Between the efficiency gains to be had through better rested employees and the reduced health care costs from insufficiently rested workers, and eliminating the inefficiency of taxing the employed to keep the unemployed from starving, it's quite likely that the increased administrative overhead is a wash.
Let's not forget that laying people off carries a significant administrative overhead as well.
Further, unemployment will have a negative impact on elastic demand (even those that remain employed will often cut back on non-essentials when pink slips are flying, they fear they might be next). The lack of unemployment will have a positive impact. Increased demand results in increased production demands.
Two employees working 50% will be less efficient at the task than 1 working 100%, but in the latter scenario, it's quite likely that taxing the one working 100% in order to support the one working at 0 will be less efficient than each working at 50%. It will certainly be less healthy for society
While economics can't be ignored, we must recognize that a perfectly efficient hell world isn't at all sustainable no matter how economically sound it might be.
It's worth noting that when it was being considered initially, many claimed that the 8 hour workday (and 40 hour work week) would be the doom of the economy.
Re:I love the smell of burning bridges in the morn (Score:3, Interesting)
I have found that big companies are just as likely to treat you decently and give you a fair shake if they have to let you go. I've heard plenty of stories from people who have worked at small businesses (such as start ups) who were at the mercy of personality wars and psycho owners.
My chance to burn bridges (Score:4, Interesting)
It happened once for me, and everyone deserves one chance to burn bridges.
I was living in in the USA, there on a work visa. Unfortunately, my manager was letting power go to his head, making life a living hell for the entire lab. He had it in for me, and I just wanted to finish up some things before quitting (and leaving the country), so it was a race and we both knew it.
JUST before he was about to fire me, I handed in my notice--four weeks, to ensure time to complete or transition my work tasks properly. He promptly told me to clean my workspace and avoid touching the lab equipment or computers, so within a few days, I was forced to sit at my desk, feet up, reading Hugh Johnson's wine Encyclopedia.
When it came time for my exit interview, I was asked if something could have been done differently to make me stay. I pointed out that every person in my group had a secret file in the bottom of their desk drawer, detailing the times our manager had been abusive, unreasonable, or unfair to them.
Management eventually saw those files, and "promoted" the manager to a desk position with no staff or responsibilities--just paperwork.
I prefer the Bruce Lee approach (Score:5, Interesting)
Re:Sometimes the simplest statement is the best (Score:4, Interesting)
1. Specifically asked,
and
2. The answer is glaringly obvious.
I.e. "Would you have sex with Rosy O'Donnell?"
"Yes. But then she would be a necrophiliac."
If on the other hand you sent a little private note to each of the hotys in the office that said: "I never approached you because we are coworkers but now that we no longer have that barrier to contend with, do you want to go out with me? Being out of work, I can't take you anywhere fancy but I am a pretty good cook and I finally have the time to clean my apartment."
That would be cool and may go a far way to easing your pain at loosing a job. It worked great the last time I left an employer. Until these hotys started trading stories about the new boyfriend.
Warning a prospective re-hire (Score:2, Interesting)
It didn't take me long to find another job, I had a couple of different offers to choose from, but I was really quite young and still bitter about the way things had gone. The denial of promotion after I had done so much, and the SA had done so little, and knew so little. I didn't send a nasty email my boss, the company or its owners, although the thought had crossed my mind several times. I sent a thank you note to the CEO, and received a gracious reply. However, I couldn't let it go, it kept grinding on me. It was fresh in my mind. So, when I learned that my re-hire was about to be hired, I acquired his email address from a friend still with the company, and sent him a very detailed email, outlining (and probably exaggerating) all of the personal and professional deficiencies of the CIO. Trust me, there were many to choose from, it was a long email. It was unprofessional and mean spirited.
What I didn't ponder at the time is what trouble this could get my friend who was still with the company into. I felt horrible after sending it, I worried about his job (since he gave me the contact info, etc). As it turns out, the new prospect forwarded the email to his future employer, which is not really what I anticipated. He was able to use the email as leverage to negotiate a higher wage (good for him), and decided to take the job anyway. (For what its worth, I had lunch with my replacement less than a year after he had taken the job, and was moving on to another. He confirmed that everything I had said was true...)
All said, it was a very stupid thing for me to do, and I certainly will not do anything like that in the future. Now I am hesitant to even list that company on my resume, as I'm certain that CIO will not give me a good reference or even a stable reference. I certainly wouldn't if I were him. So rather than having a good solid reference employer, where I had accomplished a lot of good things, and left in a reasonably gracious fashion, now I have a past that I have to stay clear of and basically throw away that experience.
My advice is to just leave graciously. All of the annoyances you suffer currently, will seem increasingly less as time goes on. Especially if you find a company (as I did) which recognizes your talent and advances you quickly.
Re:Sometimes the simplest statement is the best (Score:1, Interesting)
One place I got fired from, whenever I would see an advert in the paper for that company, I would call the paper, pretend to be the asshole warehouse manager, and say "we filled the position, please cancel the remainder of the ads".
Then there was another time, same company, when the owner called because he had a question abou the system. I gave him a completely vague & useless answer, then sent him a bill for consulting fees.
Another company, I had put boot passwords for the filesystems on my computers (DR-DOS, early '90's), so when I left there all I had to do was hit the power switches on them, and all my work files were permanently lost to them.
Hell, I even sent a cleverly written "screw you" letter to my high school newspaper just before graduation. The editors thought it was clever enough they happily printed it.
Re:The Three Envelopes (Score:3, Interesting)
The "joke" apparently has some basis in fact:
On October 14, 1964, after being deposed by his rivals at a Central Committee meeting, primarily for being an "international embarassment," Nikita Khrushchev, who until only moments earlier was the First Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union, sat down in his office and wrote two letters. Later, his successor, Leonid Brezhnev, upon taking office found the two letters and a note Khrushchev had attached:
"To my successor: When you find yourself in a hopeless situation which you cannot escape, open the first letter, and it will save you. Later, when you again find yourself in a hopeless situation from which you cannot escape, open the second letter."
And soon enough, Brezhnev found himself in a situation which he couldn't get himself out of, and in desperation he tore open the first letter. It said simply, "Blame it all on me." This Brezhnev did, blaming Khrushchev for the latest problems, and it worked like a miracle, saving him and extending his career. However, in due time Brezhnev found himself in another disaster from which he could not extricate himself. Without despairing he eagerly searched his office and found the second letter, which he tore open desperate for its words of salvation. It read thus:
"Sit down, and write two letters."