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Robotics Idle Technology

Robotic "Tongue" Lets You French Kiss Over The Internet 136

Posted by samzenpus
from the how-about-a-nice-game-of-chess? dept.
If you think the idea of french kissing someone over the internet with a robotic tongue is kind of gross, go outside and enjoy your afternoon. For those of you still sitting here, The University of Electro-Communications in Tokyo has just what you've been looking for. The Kiss Transmission Device is a motion-sensing receptacle that records your tongue's movements and then sends that information to a corresponding machine in your partner's mouth. From the article: "In addition to real-time smooching, the Kiss Transmission Device can be programmed to 'remember' specific rotations. The pre-recorded information can then be accessed by multiple recipients. According to the inventor, this could be a good way for celebrities to get closer to their fans." The University gave no word on the possibility of tentacles in future models.

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Robotic "Tongue" Lets You French Kiss Over The Internet

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  • WOW (Score:5, Funny)

    by Mr_Congeniality (878687) on Tuesday May 03, 2011 @12:57PM (#36012514) Homepage
    This is epic...in an extremely awkward and creepy way. It's nice to know that I could always have Courtney Love make out with me without catching the herp.
    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      by stanlyb (1839382)
      Finally you could kiss a boy or girl...or something between without even knowing what you do kiss. Let me OUT. And just for the record, is GOOGLE going to record this data too? Just asking......
      • by Moryath (553296)

        Sorry, but this isn't an invention.

        It's already been done [sinulate.com].

        • This device does not simulate any sort of kiss. It is a straw. You stick it in your mouth. You twirl the straw around with your mouth. Somewhere else, someone else sticks a straw in their mouth, and, OH MY GOD, their straw twirls around in the exact same fashion you just twirled your straw. Wow.

      • Re:WOW (Score:4, Funny)

        by g0bshiTe (596213) on Tuesday May 03, 2011 @01:28PM (#36013068)
        HAAHAHA, if only I had mod points.

        |op>()r: d00d I totally made out wif dis hot chiX0r in chan last night.
        frud: orly got a pic?
        |op>()r: nah, her chan name is hotazHe||
        frud: hahaha zomfg
        nickserv: hotazHe|| has just joined
        |op>()r: what's so funny?
        frud: you made out with a d00d you t00l
        |op>()r: no way
        nickserv: hotazHe|| is now known as Greg
        |op>()r: * runs to take a shower
    • by mr1911 (1942298)
      I don't think this thing guarantees you wouldn't catch the herp from a remote kiss with Courtney Love.
    • Imagine a delayed redirect to goatse.

    • what is next? Cyber Sex (reference: Total Recall)
    • by Dogtanian (588974)

      This is epic...in an extremely awkward and creepy way. It's nice to know that I could always have Courtney Love make out with me without catching the herp.

      No, I'm sorry, we already have this video of Courtney Love infecting someone via a radio link. [youtube.com]

    • by slick7 (1703596)

      This is epic...in an extremely awkward and creepy way. It's nice to know that I could always have Courtney Love make out with me without catching the herp.

      That's not a tongue, it's a trap!

    • by Per Wigren (5315)

      This is epic...in an extremely awkward and creepy way. It's nice to know that I could always have Courtney Love make out with me without catching the herp.

      Your carefulness in not spreading herpes around is appreciated.

    • by wiedzmin (1269816)
      Porn industry should be all over this for next step in the "live webcam" experience methinks.
  • by Anonymous Coward

    ...after I invent a device that allows you to punch people in the face over the Internet.

    • ...after I invent a device that allows you to punch people in the face over the Internet.

      I will set up a Foundation JUST to research this possibility. Just let me know if you want the checks made out to CASH.

      • by Dogtanian (588974)

        ...after I invent a device that allows you to punch people in the face over the Internet.

        I will set up a Foundation JUST to research this possibility. Just let me know if you want the checks made out to CASH.

        Nah, I think that Hatful of Hollow [bash.org] is really the one that deserves it. :-)

    • by hoytak (1148181)

      STAB, dude, STAB. Epic nerd culture reference fail. I hereby condemn you to reading 500 randomly chosen bash.org quotes.

      (ref: http://bash.org/?4281 [bash.org]).

    • by tehcyder (746570)

      ...after I invent a device that allows you to punch people in the face over the Internet.

      Stab.
      The original is much funnier.

  • by Anonymous Coward

    Yeah, this made for kissing... sure. :)

  • Reminds me of F-U-F-Me
    http://www.welookdoyou.com/fufme/index.shtml.html

  • A way for the Slashdot crowd to get a french kiss.
  • Could this be used to help identify a user before allowing access to a computer? Iris scan, fingerprint scan THEN you must french kiss your computer juuuust right. Or an updated form of captcha for websites, just thinking...
    • Didn't Futurama do this? Zapp Branigan needed to pass a "Lip ID scan" and, as he's passionately kissing the scanner, the computer says "Please, no tongue."

    • And for the highest level of security, will the computer require you to toss its salad before letting you access your data?

  • by johnlcallaway (165670) on Tuesday May 03, 2011 @01:03PM (#36012630)
    This is a cool way to start prototyping, but a great kiss requires lips *and* tongue *and* a head. All of these parts move together for a truly great kiss.

    Of course, then there is the holding and caressing part.

    I don't see how any machine could ever be able to replace my wife's kiss. I told her before got married several years ago that I have a rule, no 'quickie' kisses allowed. Either kiss, or don't kiss. Perfunctory pecks are not acceptable. Each one is different and unique, and deserves to be savored.
    • by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday May 03, 2011 @01:14PM (#36012818)

      I don't see how any machine could ever be able to replace my wife's kiss.

      Me neither.

    • by hedwards (940851)

      More than that, there's saliva and hormones involved. Part of why humans kiss is to transfer those fluids. Otherwise, why bother with open mouth kisses? Considering how many things can be transferred like that I doubt we'd be doing it if there wasn't a reason. I mean most other animals don't kiss.

      • animals kissing [flickr.com] (completely not goatse or anything)
        • WARNING: furry porn

        • by adolf (21054)

          In my experience as a pet owner, the animals that appear to "kiss" are actually fighting with, or merely preening eachother. Your pictures certainly top the scale on cute animal behavior, but I doubt the reality is anything close.

          Kissing gouramis [wikipedia.org], for example, are definitely not kissing because they're feeling frisky, but because it is how that particular species both attacks and defends w.r.t. territorial disputes.

          Male birds will often both attack and defend with their mouths, as well. It's not because t

      • More than that, there's saliva and hormones involved. Part of why humans kiss is to transfer those fluids. Otherwise, why bother with open mouth kisses? Considering how many things can be transferred like that I doubt we'd be doing it if there wasn't a reason. I mean most other animals don't kiss.

        My wife and I save considerable time by just spitting into each other's mouths every once in a while.

        • by tehcyder (746570)

          More than that, there's saliva and hormones involved. Part of why humans kiss is to transfer those fluids. Otherwise, why bother with open mouth kisses? Considering how many things can be transferred like that I doubt we'd be doing it if there wasn't a reason. I mean most other animals don't kiss.

          My wife and I save considerable time by just spitting into each other's mouths every once in a while.

          I think I've seen some of your movies.

      • by tehcyder (746570)

        More than that, there's saliva and hormones involved. Part of why humans kiss is to transfer those fluids. Otherwise, why bother with open mouth kisses? Considering how many things can be transferred like that I doubt we'd be doing it if there wasn't a reason. I mean most other animals don't kiss.

        I think you win the "least likely to succeed chat up line" award for the year.

    • by StikyPad (445176)

      I had a similar rule about sex, but my wife vetoed it.

      Not directly, mind you, just by consistently opting for the alternative of not having sex at all.

    • ... a great kiss requires lips *and* tongue *and* a head

      and BOOBIES!

      Just sayin'

      : )

  • by PPH (736903) on Tuesday May 03, 2011 @01:05PM (#36012652)

    records your tongue's movements and then sends that information to a corresponding machine in your partner's mouth.

    Are you sure that's where they've put their receiver?

    On a more serious note: This appears to have been invented by a geek resident in their mom's basement. Anyone who knows about kissing (particularly the French kind) knows about the importance of feedback and the need to modify one's tongue behavior to it in real time.

    • by Mr Z (6791)

      You didn't watch the video, or if you did, you didn't read all the subtitles. Both sides have a motor and sensors. The sensor system tries to keep both boxes in sync, so if one side tries to move in a particular direction and the other side resists, then the unit will resist. There *is* a feedback path.

      Now the real "that ain't a kiss" problem is that it only lets you make a specific set circular motions with your tongue, and lets face it, tongues and mouths are a bit more complicated than that, and kisse

      • by Kokuyo (549451)

        Seeing as this has been invented by a Japanese dude and keeping in mind what the Japanese porn industry thinks is french kissing... this device seems perfectly capable of simulating that.

    • The inventor likely has a 4 digit (or less) UID

  • my favorite underutilized internet term

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teledildonics [wikipedia.org]

    were you to invent a transport protocol for teledildonics, you better call it PPintheTP, i don't care how you arrive at the abbreviation

  • you just know that the perceived economic windfall will eventually hit upon a commercially viable (if physically debilitating) implementation of telesex. oh how the voyeur regulators and social sermonizers will rage upon that day. (just hope i live to see it)
  • A famous rock star was sued today by an outraged mother whose daughter played his recording on the Kiss Transmission Device. The mother wants it to be ruled as child molestation and to be awarded infinity plus one dollars as damages for this heinous crime.

  • Wondering about the "instabilities" caused by latency...

  • I can see a lot of horror movie scenes where people are killed by infected french-kiss devices spinning with more than 2000 rpm. Creepy.
  • by Drakkenmensch (1255800) on Tuesday May 03, 2011 @01:12PM (#36012778)

    The University gave no word on the possibility of tentacles in future models.

    Seriously. Japan will provide, it's inevitable.

  • by Anonymous Coward
    Only a matter of time until it gets turned into a remote bj machine. I can see it now. 'LIVE girls giving REAL BJs! 5.99 per minute!'
  • In the mouth.... riiiight... uh huh, yep, that's where it will be... uh huh
  • ...released today...

    People have been doing things like this for years relating research into teledildonics (seriously, I'm not making that word up) but nobody has ever wanted to be the new Larry Flynt despite the obvious huge money making opportunities for someone willing to manufacture and deploy the specialized hardware.

    • by brainboyz (114458)

      The reputation isn't the problem. The problem is the equipment is expensive. There is at least one teledildonics service in place, but last I saw the equipment was $90 in the bargain bin and requires a $20/month service fee to utilize their servers. It's just not all that popular.

      Now, when someone can figure out a $50 toy, or $100 toy set that you can use without putting your credit card into a monthly service fee database then you'll have a teledildonics millionaire.

      • by Assmasher (456699)

        Actually, there are tens of thousands of force feedback capable joysticks that could have molded replacements for the joystick itself and sold for bargain basement prices.

        Ignoring the reputation issues, I'm shocked someone hasn't done all of this back when DirectInput started supporting Force Feedback. It's simple.

  • by Aighearach (97333)

    Natalie Portman is so hott!

  • In the olden days of Slashdot, there would have also been something about a Beowulf cluster of these. Ah, the good old days.
  • So many ideas these days are really commonplace, but their execution and timing are key.

    This whole french kissing over IP is really novel and surprised me.

    Kudos to the inventor.

    Oh, and can I get it with a Thunderbolt(tm) interface? I'll need that and a serious upgrade to my internet connection to properly sample my high speed tongue rate. Line up, ladies.

  • A bent plastic tube on a spindle, that you spin round with your tongue, making a similar rig at the other end of the wire spin similarly? Wow. That's some invention, if you're 13 years old, and think French kissing is cool enough to... replicate (and I use that term with the utmost generosity).
    • Bent stick with 1 degree of freedom controlled by another bent stick with 1 degree of freedom. And it's done over the internet! Wowza!

      Clearly the moderators don't look farther than the titles of articles.

  • by denshao2 (1515775) on Tuesday May 03, 2011 @01:40PM (#36013260) Homepage Journal
    A rotating straw does not feel anything like a kiss. I assume that nobody involved in this project has ever really kissed before.
  • this looks more like a tiny cock is being swirled around the guy's mouth rather than tiny tongue. It looks strange at best.

    He should put some money into designing an anatomically correct, dynamic mouth replica for this, not toy around with a straw.

    • by edawstwin (242027)

      this looks more like a tiny cock is being swirled around the guy's mouth rather than tiny tongue.

      We all see what we want to see!

      • by roman_mir (125474)

        Yes, I want to see this guy suck the tiniest cock on the Internet. Pffft. Isn't there a website for that, which is not /.?

  • by snsh (968808)

    Imagine what happens when Stuxnet hits the device. The engineers working in Iran's nuclear program will all get dumped by their online girlfriends out of frustration.

  • Oh come on, it's the obvious joke.

  • Robotic "Tongue" Lets Other People French Kiss Over The Internet.
  • What happens when this gets combined with chatroulette?
  • by Jason Levine (196982) on Tuesday May 03, 2011 @02:46PM (#36014234)

    You know someone's going to come out with this: A ChatRoulette-French-Kissing-Over-The-Internet application. You get one of these "IP Tongues", sign up, specify whether you'd rather kiss a male or female (or either one) and suddenly you're kissing random people all over the world. Combine this with a "paid pro" feature where you get to "kiss" your favorite celebrities (read: porn stars) and the company could turn an instant profit.

    If anyone makes a million dollars using this idea, just toss me a few thousand as thanks. ;-)

  • What could possibly be creepier than too wake up and find the Burger King in bed w/ me?
    • Seeing on the night stand next to the bed an unused box of condoms and a squeezed empty tube of lube.

  • All I can think of is, how many people on his team work with the same two test devices? Ewwwww..
  • the inventor hopes to replicate the sensations of breathing, saliva and taste in a future model.

    I would probably focus more on making it FEEL and MOVE like a squishy tongue. That would be the killer enhancement. Still not sure I'd partake... but that'd be the logical direction to go... make it wet and squishy and more flexible.

  • I don't know. Making out felt a bit laggy the first night.
  • by TheSync (5291) on Tuesday May 03, 2011 @05:04PM (#36016348) Journal

    Here are some other similar projects:

    Touch-over-IP [t11s.com]

    Breath-over-IP [blogspot.com]

  • On the Internet no one knows you are a dog ... until now!

  • ...are possible in the FUTURE!
  • Since we were just talking about it elsewhere, I assume this comes with different flavoured wipes, such as Hakarl [wikipedia.org], "cigarette ash", "stale beer", or "dried semen".

    Oh Teledildonics, wherefore art thou?

  • by Dabido (802599)

    The University gave no word on the possibility of tentacles in future models.

    Any one else accidentally read this as 'testicles'?

  • ...from long distances. If someone were actually doing that in my mouth in person, I'd throw them out of my apartment.

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