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Orange Goo Invades Alaskan Village 153

Posted by samzenpus
from the invasion-begun dept.
s31523 writes "When the residents of the Alaskan village of Kivalina woke up last week, the unexpected sight of an orange goo covering the surface of the water was quite alarming. Suspecting a oil spill or some other man-made disaster, the residents worried about the toxicity of the substance. After NOAA investigated, it was found the that goo is an unknown type of microscopic eggs. According to NOAA scientist Keep Rice, 'We now think these are some sort of small crustacean egg or embryo, with a lipid oil droplet in the middle causing the orange color.' More work is needed to identify what the eggs are and what caused them to show up."
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Orange Goo Invades Alaskan Village

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  • by somersault (912633) on Wednesday August 10, 2011 @10:27AM (#37044526) Homepage Journal

    Have any of them tried running across the water at super speed?

    • Re:Have to know (Score:4, Insightful)

      by ZaMoose (24734) on Wednesday August 10, 2011 @10:29AM (#37044574)

      Came for the Portal 2 reference. Didn't leave disappointed.

      • by JSBiff (87824)

        I was hoping for some sort of new "Cave Johnson" quotes. I think we should have a contest for who can come up with the Best CJ commentary on this situation.

        =)

        • by ZaMoose (24734)

          Cave Johnson doesn't concern himself with orange anything. It's lemons, or nothing!

        • by lennier (44736) on Wednesday August 10, 2011 @04:21PM (#37049344) Homepage

          Good news, everyone who came for the Atomic Caviar Banquet: we've successfully determined that yes, irradiating wild Alaskan salmon with pi-neutrino flux does improve both the flavour and supermarket shelf life. And the side effects are very minimal. Hardly any at all. Just a quick point of order, if you've actually eaten any of the Atomic Caviar, we have a superb team of xenobiologists in the surgical annex who'd like to have a chat. We'll have those flesh-eating parasites scrubbed from your blood and you'll be up and breathing again in no time. The iron ribcage is free of charge.

          • by JSBiff (87824)

            Well, with only one entry, it wasn't much of a contest, but nicely done, anyhow. =)

    • by Talderas (1212466)

      They're supposed to ingest it so they make sure they don't have time to acquire calories from food.

      • by c6gunner (950153)

        They're supposed to ingest it so they make sure they don't have time to acquire calories from food.

        Yah. Just make sure you chew slowly and deliberately, or it could get very uncomfortable ...

    • by _0xd0ad (1974778)

      They could get these guys [blogspot.com] to try it. YT [youtube.com]

  • All of the stories I've read say that the world ends from Grey Goo. So Alaska is safe!

  • by malakai (136531) on Wednesday August 10, 2011 @10:27AM (#37044530) Journal

    His brother Store Grain says it was all a hoax.

    • Weird. I did some checking and apparently his real name is Jeep Rice. [noaa.gov] Really!

      Keep Rice was a typo, and that typo is now being propagated all over the Inter-Tubes by trusting bloggers and news aggregators who don't check their facts. (And speaking of Inter-Tubes, he works at the Ted Stevens Marine Research Institute.)

      • Weird. I did some checking and apparently his real name is Jeep Rice. [noaa.gov] Really!

        Keep Rice was a typo, and that typo is now being propagated all over the Inter-Tubes by trusting bloggers and news aggregators who don't check their facts. (And speaking of Inter-Tubes, he works at the Ted Stevens Marine Research Institute.)

        Just add a couple of spoilers on it and you will have your Jeep Rice.

    • by ginbot462 (626023)

      Are we doing Car Talk jokes now?

  • by rubycodez (864176) on Wednesday August 10, 2011 @10:31AM (#37044588)
    "I don't drink water; fish fuck in it" -- W.C. Fields
    • by TeknoHog (164938)

      "I don't drink water; fish fuck in it" -- W.C. Fields

      This guy should just admit it, and come out of the water closet.

      • by rubycodez (864176)
        he did admit he sometimes imbibed the dihydrogen monoxide: "Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. ". But he wasn't always a boozer, "A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her."
    • by jedidiah (1196)

      Fish don't "fuck". They just swim by the eggs and ejaculate.

      Although that just makes WC's remark sound even more gruesome.

      • by rubycodez (864176)
        False, some fish do fuck. The male organ on some fish is a gonopodium, which becomes erect and is inserted into the female's cloaca. Such fish bear live young. One such fish you may have heard of is the Guppy.
        • by rubycodez (864176)
          had to look it up, couldn't remember the word, but another organ that certain other fish (including sharks) have is called a valva or clasper, which is inserted into the vagina of the female. So sharks fuck too.
  • by elrous0 (869638) * on Wednesday August 10, 2011 @10:36AM (#37044646)

    Back in them days, Jimmy, we was called the "EuEsAy" and you could walk the streets right out in the open without a rifle. Not an alien in sight, if you can believe that. Then them damn eggs came.

  • Has 2Dboy introduced a new type of Goo balls in an update I haven't heard of?
  • by ultramk (470198) <ultramk.pacbell@net> on Wednesday August 10, 2011 @10:40AM (#37044702)

    According to a ton of different reports on Google news, the substance was tested and found to be crustacean eggs of some type.

    So crustaceans: crabs, lobsters, crayfish, shrimp, krill and barnacles. Considering the location and volume, I'm suspecting something like a huge krill spawn that was swept onto the shore by unusual currents, a storm system or the like. As for it being toxic, that's pretty laughable. Toxic crustaceans are very few and far between (one that hasn't been eating toxic algae, and considering these are eggs, they haven't been eating anything).

    As far the natives not seeing anything like this before... well it's a big planet. Completely natural, explainable things happen all over the globe every day that haven't happened in that particular spot for hundreds if not thousands of years.

    • by wiedzmin (1269816)

      ...it's a big planet. Completely natural, explainable things happen all over the globe every day that haven't happened in that particular spot for hundreds if not thousands of years.

      You're crazy! This must be global warming. Send more money to Al Gore, stat!

      • by Anonymous Coward

        No, you're crazy! This must not be global warming. Send more money to Fox News, stat!

    • Palin's master plan of world domination has begun! She's releasing the rest of her brood. Soon all reality shows will be filled with nothing but Palins! Either that or Snookie finally took a bath.
    • Toxic crustaceans are very few and far between (one that hasn't been eating toxic algae, and considering these are eggs, they haven't been eating anything)

      Wait about a week and go walk on that beach. You just might change your mind. Or have your nose do it for you.

    • by Minter92 (148860)

      Alien Crustaceans. It's a zerg drop.

    • by LWATCDR (28044)

      scope them up and sell the to the Japanese. They will eat anything from the sea.

    • >> Completely natural, explainable things happen all over the globe every day

      I hear orange goo has invaded New Jersey beaches for several years now.

      • I hear orange goo has invaded New Jersey beaches for several years now.

        Not crustacean eggs, but definitely crabs-related.

    • by SETIGuy (33768) *
      Crab people! Crab people! Crab people!
    • by lennier (44736)

      So crustaceans: crabs, lobsters, crayfish, shrimp, krill and barnacles.

      A View To A Krill
      The Krilling Fields
      Natural Born Krill
      Dressed to Krill
      Wilbur Wants To Krill Himself
      Krill Bill

  • orange you glad I didn't say banana?
  • It's plain as sin! Jellyfish Eggs of course!

  • by Anonymous Coward
    ' More work is needed to identify what the eggs are and what caused them to show up." What kind of statement is this? Obviously the culprit is the global warming. What else?
    • right, because there can be no other cause than global warming. Global warming is the root problem and cause of everything.
  • by aero6dof (415422) <aero6dof@yahoo.com> on Wednesday August 10, 2011 @10:42AM (#37044728) Homepage
    Japanese travel agents offer new scoop-it-yourself Alaskan sushi tours...
  • Warning Kraken spawn.
  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday August 10, 2011 @10:47AM (#37044822)
    Hysterical Alaskan Villager: Look at that orange goo! What is it?! Chemicals?! Oil Spill?! Industrial Waste?! We're all DOOOOOOMMMMED!!!!

    NOAA Scientist: No need for alarm! It's only billions of eggs of a rare species of crustaceans that, when they hatch, will burrow into your skulls and parasitize your brains. But no worries, they're all natural and have been around for millions of years. It's just part of that wonderful cornucopia of wild life that we evil humans have been destroying with our unsustainable and unnatural way of life.

    Hysterical Alaskan Villager: *Whew* Thank goodness it isn't some nasty byproduct of our immoral industrial civilization. I feel so relieved!

    NOAA Scientist: Carry on as usual, good earth-friend. Well, for the next few days anyway. What's the quickest way out of town? I have an appointment elsewhere...
  • Sorry, but is this the sequel to Tim Burton's Cadavre Exquis [burtonstory.com]?

  • by frozentier (1542099) on Wednesday August 10, 2011 @10:59AM (#37044970)
    Since this is Slashdot, I have to assume the orange goo comes from either a Microsoft security flaw, or a privacy issue with facebook.
    • Since this is Slashdot, I have to assume the orange goo comes from either a Microsoft security flaw, or a privacy issue with facebook.

      Or maybe this is the result of patent trolls trying to bribe the USPTO with bitcoins.

      ...oh right! My mistake. "Patent troll" has already been taken [slashdot.org]. Maybe we can call them something more fitting, maybe 'scumbags' perhaps?

    • by blair1q (305137)

      Why can't it just be a bug in the slashcode itself? Huhn? Never though o' that, didja?

    • You would be incorrect with this assumption. It is part of the TSA's new initiative, to better humiliate travelers.
      No orange goo bath = terrorist.

  • by magarity (164372) on Wednesday August 10, 2011 @11:09AM (#37045116)

    More work is needed to identify ... what caused them to show up."
     
    Well, the first step is when Mommy and Daddy crustacean come to love each other very much...

  • by s31523 (926314) on Wednesday August 10, 2011 @11:11AM (#37045140)
    I wonder if the lipid oil in the eggs could be used as a renewable energy source, or petrol replacement for the numerous products made from conventional oil.
  • If so, it's probably caused by a nearby Boneshaker. Look out for zombies.

  • "More work is needed to identify what the eggs are and what caused them to show up." SOP for identification: 1. Purchase jar of Paul Newman pasta sauce. 2. Eat pasta sauce on pasta of choice. 3. Wash out jar. 4. Go down to beach and put some eggs and seawater into jar. 5. Take jar back to the lab and keep it aerated and at sea temperature until eggs hatch. 6. GIS whatever the hell swims out.
    • by lennier (44736)

      7. Then comes the running, and the screaming.

  • Caviar prices took a dramatic plunge on the futures markets today...

  • Remember that show Surface?

  • It may be five years early, but we can now expect humanity to transform into nothing but orange goo and form a hivemind, while a large purple organic robot flies into space.
  • Must be mating season on Decapod 10
  • I'd avoid picking up any 'Alaskan Caviar' from Whole Foods for a while. Same goes for the orange sherbet soon to be available at Long John Silvers.
  • Some fish had a really really good orgasm.

  • by blair1q (305137)

    Haha. "Toxic spill."

    The yolk's on them!

  • ...what does it taste like? Surely someone has tried it.
  • But do these eggs taste good?
  • NATO used to pitch blue forces against orange invaders in all of their simulations. Orange of course being code for Red.

    Hopefully, once these things hatch some teenagers will make it to the mountains and then save as all

    • by j-pimp (177072)

      Hopefully, once these things hatch some teenagers will make it to the mountains and then save as all

      John Conner and his wife were both adults in T3L Rise of the Machines.

  • Reminds me of an episode of Unsolved mysteries where green goop blanketed a whole town one night. People got sick from it. Tests revealed there was human blood cells in the goop.

    Can't find any pictures, but here's a collection of news articles about it: http://www.rumormillnews.com/cgi-bin/archive.cgi?read=187500 [rumormillnews.com]

  • At the end of the movie, the blob was sent down into the arctic waters to freeze, maybe it found a way to come back, what ever you do, dont touch it!!!

Thufir's a Harkonnen now.

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