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Pie Eating Competitors to be Drug Tested 3

Tony Callaghan, Executive President of the World Pie Eating Championships, won't have the integrity of his sport sullied like baseball's — so he's introduced random drug testing to this year's competition. He says, "Gravy has traditionally been the performance-enhancing drug of choice amongst pie eaters at this level, but since we banned it after a series of questionable concoctions were created by contenders, they've been trying to find other ways of generating lubricative advantage — and we're hearing rumors that cough mixture is the new Bisto. In tests we've found this can take around two seconds off the time taken to eat a regulation Championship pie."

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Pie Eating Competitors to be Drug Tested

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