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'I Want a Super-Smart Chair!' (techcrunch.com) 155

Posted by EditorDavid from the bored-man-of-the-chair dept.
Long-time Slashdot reader shanen writes: Imagine you had a perfect chair for using your computer. Also a perfect chair for watching TV. And a chair for listening to music, a chair for reading, a chair for napping, a work chair that keeps you awake, and a perfect chair for dinner. Also a massage chair and a diagnostic chair that checks your temperature, pulse, and blood pressure. Is your house full of chairs yet? Wait! what about your spouse's perfect chairs? Need a bigger house?

What if you had one chair that could be all nine of those chairs? What if you could teach the super-smart modular chair to be more chairs, too? That's what I want, plus the voodoo chair controller to manipulate and teach the slightly deformable triangular modules (in two or three sizes) that would form all of the virtual chairs for the current real chair.

Anyway, this story ticks me off because I sent that idea to a couple of companies, including IKEA. I'm still waiting. Not holding my breath.
That article shows Ikea promising a new "smart homes" unit -- but with no mention of investments in wondrous smart chair technologies.

So the original submission ends by asking how we can bring about such a smart chair revolution?
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'I Want a Super-Smart Chair!' More

'I Want a Super-Smart Chair!'

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  • Comment removed based on user account deletion

    • I'm not saying it's a bad chair or anything, but not even vaguely close to what I'm trying to describe. Am I too far off the wall? However your chair is so far off that I have to suspect my writing or wonder if you're just fishing for a funny mod.

      Actually in another IKEA-related story they talked about a new kind of chair that is somewhat closer, but it seemed to be based more on an exoskeleton approach. That one was a joint venture with an American company. The story said they were hoping for next year, bu

      • Re: (Score:3)

        by Rei ( 128717 )

        Chances are your chair is not as fancy as the chair
        The very fancy chair in Mr. Fancy Chair's lair
        When everybody's slacking in the fancy chair showroom
        He's gonna pass the test
        He's gonna be the best
        The best in terms of chairs

    • Living in a hot country I can just imagine my arse and back sweat gathering in a noxious fetid pool in the seat of that Ikea chair.

      I've got a proper $369 office chair, with padding, and the sweat (and bourbon & food) stains on the squab scares people.

      This chair looks like an ebola factory in comparison.

      Nope nope nope!

      The Ikea chair is probably quite ok in a colder climate where people don't sweat, though, sure.

    • No padding? I'm not sure I could sit in one for very long. Looks more like something you'd find at a fast-food place in a trendy part of town.

  • And while we are at it (Score:5, Insightful)

    by gweihir ( 88907 ) on Saturday August 17, 2019 @11:50PM (#59098198)

    I want superpowers and a pony! No, wait, the thing with the pony was my sister.

    Stories on /. have been getting more stupid over time, but this is a new high...

  • Chairs are bad (Score:4, Insightful)

    by OrangeTide ( 124937 ) on Sunday August 18, 2019 @12:05AM (#59098214) Homepage Journal

    Sitting slowly kills you.

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by shanen ( 462549 )

      I partly agree, but this chair would be less bad by deforming itself for your health. At least that would be one of the options I want. For example, in napping mode it would slowly adjust to stretch my back...

      • I lay on the floor if my back needs stretching. Slow dynamic exercises are also helpful. And cost nothing.

        • Re: (Score:2)

          by shanen ( 462549 )

          You aren't even slightly tempted by the idea of letting the chair do it for you?

          What if the chair has pressure sensors to help determine exactly where the stretching would be most helpful? What if you could get a prescription from your medical specialist to adjust the chair to reduce back (or neck or shoulder) pains?

          However I do agree with the value of exercises and do some daily. I should do more.

          • You aren't even slightly tempted by the idea of letting the chair do it for you?

            I have better use for the space in my home.

            What if the chair has pressure sensors to help determine exactly where the stretching would be most helpful?

            Evolution provided those sensors built-in to my own equipment.

            What if you could get a prescription from your medical specialist to adjust the chair to reduce back (or neck or shoulder) pains?

            I sometimes wonder why medical coverage keeps going on. Then I remember that too many are running some hustle to get free stuff.

            • Re: (Score:2)

              by Xenx ( 2211586 )

              I sometimes wonder why medical coverage keeps going on. Then I remember that too many are running some hustle to get free stuff.

              To be up front, I'm not suggesting people defraud their insurance or anything. But, at least in the US, this is about the only way to get any perceived value out of our medical/medical insurance system. Prices are out of hand.

          • You aren't even slightly tempted by the idea of letting the chair do it for you?

            Do you have any clue of the range of lifestyles that slashdotters have?

            And no, you're not going to use "pressure sensors" to massage you while you lay there like a slug. You would need some sort of medical scanning device.

            For $350,000 I'll build you a robot that can prod you, and poke at the medium-hard spots. For entertainment purposes only.

            They already sell massage chairs. You're not going to get a magic one that is a zillion times better. Go to a store and look at a premium massage chair. That is the tec

  • Slow times at Slashdot High.

  • No. (Score:2, Insightful)

    by DNS-and-BIND ( 461968 )
    Another solution in search of a problem. Who said there was a crisis of chairs? You sit in them. Who, exactly, has identified chairs as a problem that urgently requires a solution of "smart chairs"?

  • and maybe autonomous anti-gravity thought controlled motion because you're going to need that one chair in nine different places.

    Did you ever stop and think that what you consider to be the "perfect chair" is unique to you? Along with a multi-tens of million dollar development investment, any company seeing value in your idea is going to have to spend that amount again to research the market to understand what is the perfect chair for lots of people and not just you?

  • Hopeless (Score:3)

    by aaarrrgggh ( 9205 ) on Sunday August 18, 2019 @12:32AM (#59098244)

    While I have no idea why this merits a /. Article... or response, the reality is the tasks are too disparate for “one chair to rule them all.” Even if you solve the finish issues, something to mix all the functions, armrest positions, declines, etc would be physically so large that everything else needs to be designed around it. The poster is effectively asking for a comfortable bubble in which to live their life. Good luck.

    Also, why the hell would you want your chair to be the center of your universe if you can walk?

  • Also, while I could certainly use a magic chair that transforms into any chair type I need, 'shanen' seems to have missed the fact that an idea is not the same thing as a working design for that idea.

  • Being in academia... (Score:5, Funny)

    by 93 Escort Wagon ( 326346 ) on Sunday August 18, 2019 @01:10AM (#59098280)

    I've known several super-smart chairs, but I'd prefer one that has a modicum of wisdom and is a competent administrator. Super-smart people sometimes can fall into the trap of thinking they're experts in everything, even if they actually suck at stuff which doesn't fall under their core competency.

    Oh, that's not the type of chair you're talking about here? Never mind then...

  • Wall-E

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by shanen ( 462549 )

      I can't remember how much of that movie I saw, but I don't see the relevance. Care to explain?

      If you are talking about the general convenience of anime deforming shapes (such as chairs), then that is actually related.

      • the humans in that film did nothing but sit in their comfy floating smart chairs and had become fat blobs incapable of taking care of themselves.

        • Thanks for the reminder. Yes, I did see that part of the movie. Not the only place that meme has appeared. Perhaps the earliest was the Eloi race in "The Time Machine" by H.G. Wells?

          If that is your concern, then I remind you that any technology is morally neutral. We can use it for good or bad purposes.

          I absolutely agree that the smart chair technology in that movie was being used for bad purposes. However, I absolutely want to sit down sometimes. If my chair is too comfortable, then it should be programmed

          • Re: (Score:2)

            by Alumoi ( 1321661 )

            If that is your concern, then I remind you that any technology is morally neutral. We can use it for good or bad purposes.

            Yeah, like the electric chair, poison gas, the guillotine. Oops, they are morally good because we only use them to get rid of the bad people.

          • If that is your concern, then I remind you that any technology is morally neutral.

            Being a fat chair-blob is morally neutral. However, it is not health-neutral.

  • Sitting contributes to many health issues including obesity, high blood pressure, and exhaustion. So, most people should be standing and moving more, and sitting a lot less. Get an adjustable height desk, and stand to work at a computer, or any other task involving a desk. Television? I restrict myself to a maximum of 1 hour a day, except the past week I've forgotten to watch anything. Music? Perhaps you should not just be listening to music, but doing something in addition, like building a prototype chair!

  • Product design (Score:4, Insightful)

    by mwvdlee ( 775178 ) on Sunday August 18, 2019 @01:41AM (#59098328) Homepage

    This sounds like a typical award-winning product design; physically impossible to make and would probably kill you instantly if it could be made.

  • I think you might be a bit chair obsessed. I have a comfy work chair. But I don't sit there all day, I sit on the sofa, sometimes I work from bed, or from the dining table. Or on the step outside.

    When I visit someone else's house there's usually a multitude of places to sit or rest in suitable positions. How annoying would it be if they only had custom chairs for themselves?

    Like any smart thing, if it were made it'd be expensive and pants. Perhaps you just need to sit less often? Uncomfortable because body

    • When I visit someone else's house

      Do you really think he would leave home again if he had the perfect chair?

      The chair will just electrically stimulate his muscles to replace exercise.

      pants

      would probably not exist in Chairland.

  • What about a super smart spoon? (Score:5, Insightful)

    by ugen ( 93902 ) on Sunday August 18, 2019 @02:04AM (#59098354)

    I want a super-smart spoon. The kind that could also be a fork, a hairbrush, a hummer, a measuring tape, a drill, a calculator and a dildo. Can we have that?

    And yes, Slashdot, "just when I think you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this...".

  • Fill the house with these smart chairs, but let your deformation preferences live on the network (OMG, call it 'the cloud' if you have to...).

    That way, any chair in the house deforms to your prefs as you seat yourself.

    Will probably require a chip in your ass. Don't take it sitting down.

  • Ok slashdot (Score:3)

    by burtosis ( 1124179 ) on Sunday August 18, 2019 @02:56AM (#59098452)
    I dare you to make less sense.

  • What an amazing discovery, but how will this smart chair help me poop and pee, Mike?

  • I guess this nicely sums up the definition of "first-world problem"

  • I want an egg-laying-wool-milk-pig.

    I won't get one either.

    • Well, I want one, too! Or two of them, but they should not smell!
      And a robot that collects the eggs, and shaves them!!
      And as we are on it ... he could slaughter them, too ...well then I need a bit more than, two.
      But the bacon and ham would be nice, combined with the eggs, I think!

  • Errrm ... then build one. (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Qbertino ( 265505 ) <moiraNO@SPAMmodparlor.com> on Sunday August 18, 2019 @03:48AM (#59098540)

    Want something? Can't buy it because no one's making it? Then build one. Your probably closer to a hacker and a nerd then most around you otherwise you wouldn't be posting on slashdot.
    So get moving and build one.

    Show us when you're finished. Or on the way.

    Good luck

    • If you wanted something like a power car seat on steroids, it wouldn't be that difficult... You can buy car power seat motors for around $12 each; they use a brushed-DC motor that runs on 12 volts. A China Arduino Uno clone costs $3 and could operate maybe 16 of these motors directly, also while having a 16-button keypad and an LCD display to tell what level of perviness you've set the vibrator to.

      The most difficult part would be doing the actual upholstery well... Good car/airplane seats may use more tha

  • The smart chair is out there. You just have to step out of your mom's basement (and out in the sun) once in a while, while the HAZMAT crew clears out the area.No, the crew is not responsible for any loose coins or lost items

  • that does not have weak plastic parts like those plastic arms that also hold the back to the seat bottom and it breaks in a few months, the office chairs in your typical computer store are mostly all cheap junk that wont last a year, if all the broken office chairs were gathered in to a single pile of broken chairs it would be big enough to have its own weather system and would start growing glaciers

  • But no, not thanks. I don't think that I will like "smart" chairs.

  • "I'm going to fucking kill Ikea." *throws chair parts*

  • The perfect chair for watching TV ... and everything else.
    Now where have I seen this before?

    Oh yeah: https://www.youtube.com/watch?... [youtube.com]

  • ...I'd prefer a life in which my chair doesn't figure quite so prominently in my happiness.

  • Imagine you had a perfect chair for using your computer. Also a perfect chair for watching TV. And a chair for listening to music, a chair for reading, a chair for napping, a work chair that keeps you awake, and a perfect chair for dinner. Also a massage chair and a diagnostic chair that checks your temperature, pulse, and blood pressure. Is your house full of chairs yet? Wait! what about your spouse's perfect chairs? Need a bigger house?

    It's called my sofa in the living room with a blood pressure cuff and medicines lying there. Granted, it doesn't have a massager but that could change.

    Note you wouldn't need the medical stuff if you didn't spend so much time in the chair.

    And that's just a waystop on the way to living in a virtual world as a brain in a vat.

  • They just buy overstock from China and re-label it.

    Some time ago, I was trying to buy a few more of an item I had originally bought at IKEA. But they no longer carried it in their store. No problem, Internet search to the rescue. There must be some way to buy stuff no longer stocked in their showrooms.

    I stumbled upon an entire universe of people trying to buy popular IKEA products that they no longer stocked. And a lot of discussion on the topic of why they would no longer stock, or make available for ord

  • Super-Dumb Chair: Idiocracy - Television Brainwashing Of The Future [youtube.com]. How about it, Kohler [kohler.com]?

  • I want a fucking pony! Where's my fucking pony! I sent a letter to Santa years ago, and he never brought me a pony, and I'm pissed off!

    What the fuck is this article doing on slashdot?

  • Once I have my Super-Smart Chair will I need Wall-e's help to get me out of it?

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Marvelous! The super-user's going to boot me! What a finely tuned response to the situation!

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