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The Military Idle

Here's What Would Happen If You Tried to Storm Area 51 (insideedition.com) 202

Posted by EditorDavid from the you-and-what-army dept.
Inside Edition filmed a 10-minute segment with safety expert Steve Kardian to answer the question, "What Will Happen if You Try to Storm Area 51." More than 2 million people have marked themselves as "attending" a Facebook event called "Storm Area 51, They Can't Stop Us" on Sept. 20. An additional 1.5 million people have expressed interest in attending, according to the page. But attendees should be prepared for an impenetrable Air Force facility, complete with guards armed with M4-type weapons, night-vision goggles and surface-to-air missiles, said Kardian, who's been in law enforcement for 33 years and has trained Navy SEALs and other military personnel.

"[Visitors are] going to have real trouble the minute they get within 100 yards of the facility," he said. Any closer, "you would likely be approached by a good number of individuals with guns pointed at you, with weaponry, screaming at you to get down on the ground...." Even if you did breach the perimeter and get past the armed guards, you would likely have to cross 50 miles before reaching anything top secret, Kardian said, and "the majority will not be visible from the ground."
Their report notes that the penalty for trespassing on a military base is 6 months in prison, a $500 fine, or both. But Vice reports that the joke Facebook event "has now spurred three supposedly real festivals over the weekend of September 20" -- Alienstock, Peacestock51, and Storm Area 51 Basecamp. "As was reported previously, the local population of Rachel, Nevada is not too thrilled about Alienstock.

In fact, the town's official web site now includes a complaint about "haphazard attempts" by the local bar to put together an event, adding "Locals are not kept in the loop and they certainly are not happy about this event that is likely to bring chaos to Rachel. "Law enforcement will be overwhelmed and local residents will step up to protect their property. It could get ugly. Please consider visiting our town another time."
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Here's What Would Happen If You Tried to Storm Area 51 More

Here's What Would Happen If You Tried to Storm Area 51

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  • While Aria 51 has some note do to the Roswell incident. There isn’t much more then other military top secret facilities. For the average Joe they are not going to find anything of interest

    • Aria 51
      Oh, do the Italians have one, too?
    • Actually, now that I think about it, Aria 51 would be a great Italian death-metal band name.
    • But for the weirdo Joe they will find all sorts of things of interest. Like bullet hole wounds and handcuffs, and prison food. That's because average Joe is not going to be there. If there was ever aliens at Area 51 they have long been moved, it is now probably ONLY for testing experimental aircraft, the terrain is perfect for that.

    • While Aria 51 has some note do to the Roswell incident.

      It has none; that would be Holloman or Wright Pat. AFB. Lazar brought 51/S4 into public consciousness.

  • The only people who want to really storm the place (Score:3)

    by Viol8 ( 599362 ) on Sunday September 01, 2019 @10:43AM (#59146228) Homepage

    ...are UFO cranks, most of whom can probably barely make it up the stairs of their parents basement into their 40 year old VW camper Mystery Mobile never mind storm probably the most heavily guarded base in north america. And if they did get in all the military need to do is send up a few quiet drones with flashing lights at night to keep them drooling like idiots until the cavalry arrived to sweep them up.

    • ...are UFO cranks

      You might be surprised at how many UFO cranks own all-terrain vehicles and go out in the woods with firearms at weekends.

      Anybody entering a military base with loaded firearms is asking for real trouble though. The best bet is to go unarmed and en-masse with as much livestreaming as possible.

      (I doubt there's much cellphone coverage out there though, you'd need satellite... and the military can probably turn that off if they need to)

      I for one can't wait to see what happens. It's gonna be real entertainment if

      • Re:The only people who want to really storm the pl (Score:5, Funny)

        by Z00L00K ( 682162 ) on Sunday September 01, 2019 @11:28AM (#59146378) Homepage Journal

        And when they meet they report the other one as an UFO.

        Ever wondered why UFOs are reported? That's because most of the cases it's humans in locations where they have no business being.

        Storming Area 51 is just a futile effort event. If they want to make a difference, how about storming the congress instead?

        • If they want to make a difference, how about storming the congress instead?

          I'd be behind that idea all the way.

        • There are lots of UFO sightings because people are gullible and some are desperate in their search for self importance. If they can somehow connect to a larger phenomenon, like religion or aliens, they feel more important and superior to those without.

      • Re: (Score:2)

        by Viol8 ( 599362 )

        "en-masse with as much livestreaming as possible."

        Right, because putting it on facebook is really going to force them to roll out the red carpet. Anyone who thinks the military give a shit whether something is live streamed or not is living in a fantasy world. But then they believe in little green men visiting earth so perhaps they do.

      • Live Streaming? Yup, that'll do it.

      • and the military can probably turn that off if they need to

        Just jam it, but it's largely irrelevant. All the live streaming in the world never stopped police from tear gassing a bunch of people rioting. The same will happen here. No one hurt (permanently) a whole bunch beaten with batons and arrested. Why do they honestly think the military will only use lethal force, and therefore if there are enough of them all live streaming that suddenly they will not be able to do anything? What might be interest

      • You think the cell phones aren't gonna be jammed or at least intercepted?

        And a lovely emp makes any videos that were saved to the phones kinda pointless.

  • I guess the zombie apocalypse has run out of steam.

  • Lol, scary weapons (Score:3)

    by apoc.famine ( 621563 ) <apoc.famine@NOSPAM.gmail.com> on Sunday September 01, 2019 @10:48AM (#59146238) Journal

    night-vision goggles and surface-to-air missiles

    I'm sure that all of the facebook folks storming the base by air at night aren't in any way prepared for this!

    Of all the shit to highlight, these two are the dumbest. The facebook crowd is not going to hike across the desert at night. And they're not flying in.

    The air force has fucking A-10 Warthogs and AC-130s. If you are a schmuck walking up a road livestreaming your "invasion", a low pass by one of those would be some truly scary shit. Either one of those drawing a literal line in the sand with their main gun up ahead of you will destroy your underwear and make you decide to go the opposite way really, really quickly. Night vision googles not required.

    Not to mention that the air force has actual bombs. Schedule a MOAB test the night before the march within eye/earshot of the participants, and see how many decide to go home.

    • Schedule a MOAB test the night before the march within eye/earshot of the participants, and see how many decide to go home.

      Wait, are you saying there will be a free fireworks display? That might not have the desired effect.

      • Around here we have city-planned-and-organized firework displays that create actual mushroom clouds. They're a real crowd pleaser.

        GIF on request.

      • +1 Funny, I would go just to see a MOAB go off, from a safe distance with a beer in hand of course.

        • Reports from Afghanistan, which is one of the few places that have seen one for real, was that it was like the world was ending. Miles away windows were blown out and the ground shook. People took it for the sky cracking and the world ending.

          "A safe distance" is actually surprisingly far away. Especially if you're holding glass. Make sure it's a can of beer.

    • You really think they're going to start gunning people down in the age of cellphone cameras?

      • The question is, "do you have the balls to find out?" From my lazy boy view, it's a win win

      • You really think they're going to start gunning people down in the age of cellphone cameras? FFS, no they won't, they will just tear gas the lot of them and send them packing. Beat a bunch in front up with batons and arrest them. The military DO have tear gas, just like cops. In fact it's probably counted as an illegal gathering and the police will break it up, with nary a military personal person in sight. I feel sorry for the imbeciles who DO get arrested, they WILL throw the book at them.

      • Re:Lol, scary weapons (Score:4, Insightful)

        by xanadu113 ( 657977 ) on Sunday September 01, 2019 @01:46PM (#59146766)
        Why not? Police are ALREADY doing extrajudicial executions, then getting "suspended with pay", investigated by their colleagues, and cleared of any wrongdoing, under "qualified immunity."

        At least the military has a "valid" reason for using lethal force.
    • I've been to Air Force bases. The "USE OF DEADLY FORCE IS AUTHORIZED" signs on the razor-wire fences are really adequate in themselves.

      • "Authorised" is a loooong way from "Will be used indiscriminately".

        To get yourself shot in practice you'd probably have to go inside and point guns at people. Anything less than that and you'll be surrounded by humvees and shouted at to see how you respond. If you're unarmed and in underwear then you're not getting gunned down on the spot, you'll be tackled by some very large MPs.

        • Re: (Score:2)

          by Z00L00K ( 682162 )

          First they shout at you, then they taze you and then they might shoot at you, but most likely you'd been held in custody and "interviewed" by a military interrogator and without any 5th amendment protection.

    • The air force has fucking A-10 Warthogs and AC-130s. If you are a schmuck walking up a road livestreaming your "invasion", a low pass by one of those would be some truly scary shit.

      Not unless they start shooting. A low pass from an AC-130 looks like a low pass from a cargo plane, because that's almost exactly what it it.

    • Re: (Score:3)

      by jwhyche ( 6192 )

      Well first of all, nothing is going to happen because nobody is going to "storm" area 51. This was just a facebook joke that gained a life of its own.

      But lets just say 20 thousand, 30 thousand, or more people did show up to "storm" area 51. Here is what will happen, nothing. The US government isn't going to shoot thousands of people just to keep a secret. It's bad press and bad for political and military careers.

      Here is what will happen. Thousands of people will "storm" area 51 and what will they

      • That's a cute fantasy, but if you truly believe that it is even a remote possibility you clearly do not know the first thing about the military. Or about reality, for that matter. The event is now 19 days away; let me know when this mass exodus/relocation begins.

        • Re: (Score:3)

          by jwhyche ( 6192 )

          You should probably stop reading so many Tom Clancy novels, or watching old late night movies on Youtube and get out of your moms basement sometime.

          Shooting a few random trespassers on what is marked as clearly a shoot to kill zone is one thing. Shooting thousands of unarmed American citizens who are "storming" a American military base for some stupid reason, not going to happen. Such a command would have to come directly from the president. Despite how much some of you, most irrationally, hate Trump

      • Re: (Score:2)

        by Livius ( 318358 )

        It's bad press and bad for political and military careers.

        It will be good press to repel or arrest trespassers using only non-lethal force but protecting military assets is non-negotiable. A commander, or a politician, who can't protect a secure military facility with all the defensive advantages of Area 51 is not competent to protect his or her country.

        On the bright side there are enough non-lethal options that there will likely only be a handful of arrests and the military justice system will save lives by making examples of them.

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by k6mfw ( 1182893 )
      Actually it is the desert that is scary, September can still be very hot. Like most deserts they are barren and inhospitable which is why there is no landrush of people to live there. With so many "visitors" the logistics of food and water which most will not bring can lead to a disaster.

  • Welcome to the Age of Extreme Stupidity (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Rick Schumann ( 4662797 ) on Sunday September 01, 2019 @10:51AM (#59146254) Journal
    Apparently the Universe does like to keep things balanced, so here we are, on the heels of the Age of Information, with the Age of Stupidity: Anti-vaxxers, Flat Earthers, people voting for so-called 'strong men' (who invariably turn out to be frauds and idiots, but they keep supporting them anyway), anti-science (featuring climate change denial, despite the literal mountain of evidence to support it), and last but not least, literally millions of idiots planning to 'storm' a top-secret military facility because they believe there's extra-terrestrial corpses and technology being hidden there. Humans, I'm not even mad, I'm just disappointed.

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by gweihir ( 88907 )

      Indeed. Although I am not disappointed. Most people have been stupid and understood nothing throughout the ages and there is no reason to expect this to have changed today. Education cannot fix stupidity. Education will give mental fuel in the form of facts and mental tools to those that are willing to use whatever intelligence they have (instead on relying on "feelings" and whatever unfounded preconceptions they have). I much rather have somebody with low intelligence that really tries to figure things out

    • Well said ...

      I've been watching that regression to ignorance with utter dismay ...

    • Anti-vaxxers, Flat Earthers, people voting for so-called 'strong men'....anti-science (featuring climate change denial

      Problem is that what you have there is few circles that cover all possible area on the Venn diagram. Mostly anti-vaxxers are extreme liberal who believe in the ideology of climate change. Most climate change "deniers" as you put it, are actually looking at counter scientific evidence so in fact they are far more science based in belief than most climate change alarmists who have not idea w

      • Re: (Score:2)

        by Megol ( 3135005 )

        I believe you are wrong.

      • Re: (Score:2)

        by shmlco ( 594907 )

        Actually, you're correct in that anti-vaxxers and climate change deniers have one thing in common.

        Both are experts in finding the supposed scientific "evidence" that supports their beliefs.

    • I seriously believe that a good majority of them are just trolling.

  • Time for the military to prank them (Score:5, Funny)

    by Applehu Akbar ( 2968043 ) on Sunday September 01, 2019 @11:02AM (#59146292)

    Let's put on some real theater for those who approach the area. It could start with a predawn laser light show, ending in "accidentally illuminated" tentacled creatures, high-frequency gibberish in some incomprehensible language. Can we make a rising dirigible look like a classic Fifties flying saucer? Then as the stormers approach the line of heavily armed troops, a baleful loud recording is triggered: "COME NO CLOSER. ATTEMPT NO ENTRY HERE..."

    If handled right, this event will reverberate on AM radio forever.

    • I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

      Can we make a rising dirigible look like a classic Fifties flying saucer?

      I believe we can. I've seen some just awesome hot air balloons in how they can achieve some very interesting shapes. If someone wanted to put some money into it, and in the scheme of things I don't believe it would be all that much, then there would be a whole gaggle of them. (Is gaggle the right word? A flock? Flotilla?) There must already be a number of flying saucer shaped lighter-than-air type craft out there now in private ownership. In fact I suspect that

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by Livius ( 318358 )

      Staging a fake UFO sighting the opposite direction might be the most effective and cheapest way to discourage trespassers.

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by kaur ( 1948056 )

      "Come no closer. Attempt no entry here.."

      This, but in ROT13 encrypted German!

      (Slashdot forced me to change your quote from all caps to normal letters...)

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by davecb ( 6526 )
      Or take it as a PR opportunity, line up all the non-secret cool stuff they have on the runway and throw the gates open!

  • But you forget... (Score:3)

    by dirk ( 87083 ) <dirk@one.net> on Sunday September 01, 2019 @11:05AM (#59146306) Homepage

    You forgot the fact they are Naruto running at it. With that, they can run faster and the bullets and cannot be stopped!

  • Killing lots and lots of people in a short time. So, yes, they can kill you all. They would probably try to stay non-lethal in the outer perimeter, but that is basically it.

  • They can't get all of us with their missiles, and a least one of us will get through to make a shitty YouTube video about the truth!

  • The plan is working perfectly. More hosts to implant with alien mind control parasites. Later they will claim that they never went near the site and it was all a joke

  • I know there was a video on youtube on this but pretty much if tried to sneak in by driving up as close as you could then doing the rest on foot you'd be looking at something like a 15-20 mile hike through a desert which doesn't sound that far but you try walking that when you only walk 3-4 miles per hour. People would drop and die out there.

  • I heard they are now in freezers at his golf courses.

    It was on the internet so it must be true.

  • Why do stories about this give any legitimacy to the number of people who've clicked "I'm going" on a FB event ? At most, a few hundred people may show up....

  • I'm pretty sure that most of the people signed up to "storm area 51" realize it's all a big joke.

    I feel sorry for the small minority who will probably actually try to do this.

  • Since the military bases is the primary industrial employer for the area of Roswell, it's not surprising that the locals are not pleased with some of the very silly attempts to investigate the facility. Since the other local businesses are agricultural, and their employees typically quite conservative, I think it's even less of a surprise that people investigating, mocking, or insulting the military are not welcomed.

  • Trying to hold a "festival" near Groom Lake will be worse than the "Fyre Festival" of 2017; no planning, no facilities, and no transportation. With the added thrill of having signs reading "THE USE OF DEADLY FORCE IS AUTHORIZED BEYOND THIS POINT."

  • I call it gene pool cleansing.

  • Just thinking about all the things the government withholds from the people it's supposed to be serving, it's obscene. They get away with flat out lying about anything and everything for the "greater good" when it serves the narrative. I believe it's time to come clean about area 51, anything that crashed or was found back then. Lets put it up for a national vote, let the people vote.

  • You don't have any organizers, just a Facebook post saying "be there".
    You don't have any idea what it's like to traverse a desert but you'll find out the hard way.
    You don't understand logistics (food, toilet, water, first aid, materiel).
    You don't know what the availability of the above logistics will be.

    You're just going to pilgrimage to a stinkin' desert and hope everything turns out okay. I hope there's millions of you!

    You have my blessings! Welcome to Darwinism 101.

  • They'll never even get close in the first place. (Score:3)

    by SvnLyrBrto ( 62138 ) on Sunday September 01, 2019 @06:28PM (#59147512)

    2 million randos are going to "Storm Area 51" on 9/22, eh? Nope. Not gonna happen. These idiots are engaged in colossal stupidity and won't even get close. It's a mass Darwin Award just waiting to happen, and the Air Force doesn't even have to do a damn thing.

    Just look at a map. Reminder: Groom Lake is out in the middle of godforsaken nowhere in one of the less hospitable bits of the Nevada desert.

    Anyone who's ever been to Burning Man knows how stupid these 2 million people are. Entry and exodus to and from Burning Man ranges year-to-year from "royal pain in the ass" to "absolute fiasco", usually closer to the latter end of the scale than the former. And that's *ONLY* 60-70,000 people entering and exiting over a 2-3 day spread on each side, organized by people who have 20 years running the thing. Plus, people who goto Burning Man plan and prepare literally for months beforehand, making sure they have everything they need for the desert and to get themselves there and back.

    And Black Rock City is significantly MORE accessible (Owing to the proximity of I-80, and not having a goddamned nuclear bomb testing site on one side.) and more hospitable (Closer to civilization, services, and aid.) than Groom Lake. How many of those fools will have enough water? How many even know how much water they'll need? When a mob 28.5x the size of Burning Man turns those roads into the most epic traffic jam in the history of traffic jams; how many of their cars will break down? Do they even realize that getting AAA out there will be a laughable proposition? How will they even call AAA, or any other rescue service, where there's no cell coverage? How much MORE food & water will they need while they're stuck out in the desert far longer than they've planned for? How many of them will have brought shelter adequate not just for the desert in the day, but also at night?

    Forget about arresting those dipshits. They're going to need to be rescued.

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