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The Almighty Buck Idle

$TWINKcoin: Hostess Releases a New Crypto-themed Twinkie (sfgate.com) 63

Posted by EditorDavid from the golden-sponge-cake dept.
"There's a new cryptocurrency in town," quips SFGate. "But the only crash you'll experience with this one is from sugar." Inspired by the recent headlines and discussion around cryptocurrency, Hostess decided to capitalize by debuting their own edible investment: Enter $TWINKcoin, the latest limited-edition Twinkie iteration to hit shelves.

"We saw an opportunity to release a new take on fan-favorite Hostess Twinkies, to create the best investment consumers can make to satisfy their snacking needs," a Hostess representative told Decrypt. "With more than 12,000 cryptocurrencies already in existence, $TWINKcoin is the first coin-shaped golden sponge cake of its kind. And, what's more, it's a currency with a stable value — it's always delicious!"

Compositionally, $TWINKcoins are indistinguishable from original Twinkies, with the same dense cake and synthetic cream filling; but instead of the classic cylindrical mold, the pecuniary pastries are formed into coin-shaped discs.
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$TWINKcoin: Hostess Releases a New Crypto-themed Twinkie More

$TWINKcoin: Hostess Releases a New Crypto-themed Twinkie

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  • Obvious (Score:5, Funny)

    by mrex ( 25183 ) on Saturday July 30, 2022 @10:34AM (#62747012)

    I, for one, welcome our new, TWINK overlords.

  • obligatory (Score:5, Funny)

    by algaeman ( 600564 ) on Saturday July 30, 2022 @10:39AM (#62747020)
    Once again, the conservative, snack cake-heavy portfolio pays off for the hungry investor.

    • Once again, the conservative, snack cake-heavy portfolio pays off for the hungry investor.

      Considering the other thing that TWINK is slang for, your portfolio just became a lot less conservative.

      Dr. Zoidberg probably still approves. He seemed like a relatively progressive Decapodian.

  • I for one am happy to see (Score:4, Funny)

    by rsilvergun ( 571051 ) on Saturday July 30, 2022 @10:52AM (#62747026)
    Such strong support for the lgbtq+ community.
    • Ditch the Q. Iâ(TM)ve yet to encounter anyone who can explain what it means beyond wanting to think theyâ(TM)re special. And bollocks to the A crowd too; asexuality is no more an orientation than atheism is a religion.

      • asexuality is no more an orientation than atheism is a religion.

        Says a man who never had his parents nagging him to settle down with a nice girl and start a family...

      • Ditch the Q. Iâ(TM)ve yet to encounter anyone who can explain what it means beyond wanting to think theyâ(TM)re special.

        I just like to think the extra letters are there to represent diversity, and accepting people even when you don't understand why they've chosen to label themselves that way.

        Besides, if there's any group on this planet who perceives themselves to be too special, it's the heterosexuals. They have to put their heterosexuality in nearly every story, TV show, movie, advertisement, etc. I mean really, why do you need a beach full of half-naked women to sell beer? Maybe that's the reason I don't like beer eithe

    • Such strong support for the lgbtq+ community.

      "Maybe if we wait for a month after pride to announce it, Ron DeSantis won't make the connection. - some corporate fat cat at Hostess, probably

  • Comment removed (Score:5, Insightful)

    by account_deleted ( 4530225 ) on Saturday July 30, 2022 @11:03AM (#62747046)
    Comment removed based on user account deletion

    • ALWAYS check urban dictionary before naming a product.

      Oh, I think getting free advertising for the parent brand because even sites like /. are out here promoting their meme-product with a "saucy" name that makes people giggle is the whole idea - and the work of a very slick and aware agency team.

      • Re: (Score:2)

        by jmccue ( 834797 )

        Oh, I think getting free advertising for the parent brand because even sites like /. are out here promoting their meme-product with a "saucy" name that makes people giggle is the whole idea - and the work of a very slick and aware agency team.

        This is news for nerds, what is more nerdier than Twinkies ? How many here have munched on these at 3 in the morning ?

        • Re: (Score:2)

          by narcc ( 412956 )

          I hope very few. Since when is eating garbage food "nerdy"?

          (I don't want to hear about quiche or vending machines.)

        • This is news for nerds, what is more nerdier than Twinkies ?

          Cheesy poofs.

      • Yea, but what about Gawd and his angry minions here on earth? If you ever do lick one, never read the ingredients. Yuck. Soy bean oil and sugar a' plenty.
    • According to your dictionary of choice there, the description claims the term is actually derived from the Twinkie product... Full circle.

      Urban Dictionary, where you go to look up lingo that no one gives a shit about.

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by splutty ( 43475 )

      Checking for names is so gay.

  • late to the party.

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by HiThere ( 15173 )

      It's not the same. Twinkies are as good a year later as they were when you bought them. I've heard that they stay good for decades, but just to make sure they appear to have increased the sugar content for this release.

    • they've managed to get the price of bitcoin back up to around $25k. It keeps cratering though down to $19. But the exchanges took the cash Goldman Sach's and other big investors gave them and used it to prop up the market sort of like the federal reserve does during a downturn. The only trouble is the exchanges are private companies and when they think the party's over they'll rug pull.

      Try to imagine what it would be like if the Federal Reserve did a rug pull. That's coming for crypto.

      • The exchanges don't do anything to manipulate the price. That's all on the users. Crypto trading isn't much different than how pricing works on eBay. The sellers list for what they believe they'll be able to get, and the buyers make offers based on what they're willing to pay. When a buyer and seller meet in the middle, a trade occurs.

        It's really just one big game of financial chicken, being played with real money.

  • Like all crypto, this will be immune to shrinkflation. Which is why the full content weight is the same or more than regular Twinkies. Right? Guys? Right? This isn't just a spin on a popular topic intended to get people used to a different form factor that lets them put less product in the box.

    • Considering how unhealthy they are, less snack cake per box is probably a good thing. It's not like America is getting any slimmer.

  • Remember when Chevrolet tried to sell the car named Nova in Mexico, a name that literally translates to "No Go" in Spanish? This is another one of those little whoopsies. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that no-one on the creative or business teams that green-lit this was a gay man.

    (Unless of course the currency can be exchanged for actual twinks, in which case I'm intrigued. The 13th amendment notwithstanding, our yard needs mowing, shed needs painting, and we'd be willing to help chip with t

    • Remember when Chevrolet tried to sell the car named Nova in Mexico, a name that literally translates to "No Go" in Spanish?

      No, and neither do you [snopes.com], so how's about shutting the fuck up with that bullshit?

      I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that no-one on the creative or business teams that green-lit this was a gay man.

      This is the dumbest possible take. You people saying this must be the only people on the planet who don't know that sex sells.

      • You people saying this must be the only people on the planet who don't know that sex sells.

        Straight sex sells.

        The only thing I'd imagine that gay sex sells, is gay porn. Even for that, I mean come on, who actually pays for porn?

        • The thing about gay people is that they are less likely to have kids, because they typically only get them on purpose. Consequently they have more disposable income. Many, many corporations have been courting the gay dollar quite openly and enthusiastically for quite some time now.

          • Many, many corporations have been courting the gay dollar quite openly and enthusiastically for quite some time now.

            Perhaps not with quite as much success as they've hoped for, in the junk food department. [imgur.com]

            I also kind of think the "gays are rich" meme is something Hollywood concocted, because they are a bit over-represented in the entertainment industry. Most of the gay people I personally know IRL (myself included) are on the lower half of the median income scale. Turns out being an oppressed minority has its disadvantages. Who knew?

    • Remember when Chevrolet tried to sell the car named Nova in Mexico, a name that literally translates to "No Go" in Spanish?

      If you think the Chevy No Go was a bad decision, you haven’t heard of the Mitsubishi Wanker.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/... [wikipedia.org]

      • If you think the Chevy No Go was a bad decision, you havenâ(TM)t heard of the Mitsubishi Wanker.

        Your link offers no explanation for your assertion...

        • The name is the Pajero, which was the point of the link.

          https://translate.google.com/?... [google.com]

    • Unless of course the currency can be exchanged for actual twinks, in which case I'm intrigued.

      That'd be a hard pass from me. I'm in a committed monogamous relationship with my partner.

      Also, I'm in my mid-40s and twinks look like children to me now. Thanks to some really bad messaging coming from certain Republicans lately, I feel obligated to explain that means I'm not attracted to them. What strange times we live in.

  • there is over 20'000 coins on coinmarketcap.com, and thousands more not listed on that site
  • I've avoided investing in crypto for this long, even with the ridiculous ones like Dogecoin, and this is no exception! If anything's gonna get me to invest in crypto, it's either gonna be HoHo's or Pepsi

  • How do you tell the world... (Score:3)

    by drew_92123 ( 213321 ) on Saturday July 30, 2022 @12:36PM (#62747312)

    ...that all the decision makers are straight without telling the world all the decision makers are straight.

  • ...it keeps forever.

  • Will tell them

  • I like many ignorant people thought Dogecoin was the stupidest thing that would show up as a crypto currency. I like many people ask proven wrong again.

    Seems we haven't seen the top of peak stupid yet.

    • Except this isn't an actual cryptocoin. It's a snack cake in the shape of a coin. If cryptocurrency jumping the shark had a physical manifestation, this would be it.

  • So...Twinkie is a top and $TWINKcoin is a bottom?
  • So appropriate. Both Twinkies and crypto are bad for you.

  • I can't believe all of these comments and no one has bothered to actually look at the snack cake. Hostess is using the Ding Dong [walmart.com] cake molds.

    You know what does look like a coin? Mini moon pies [moonpie.com]. Not that they're any healthier to actually eat, though.

  • You have to admit, few coins shoot themselves in the foot right out the door like this. Then again, this is doubtless the most [shelf] stable currency released yet.
  • At least you would get something real, you could actually touch and eat. Better value than any crypto !

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