73-Year-Old Clifford Stoll Is Now Selling Klein Bottles (berkeley.edu) 47
O'Reilly's "Tech Trends" newsletter included an interesting item this month:
Want your own Klein Bottle? Made by Cliff Stoll, author of the cybersecurity classic The Cuckoo's Egg, who will autograph your bottle for you (and may include other surprises).
First described in 1882 by the mathematician Felix Klein, a Klein bottle (like a Mobius strip) has a one-side surface. ("Need a zero-volume bottle...?" asks Stoll's web site. "Want the ultimate in non-orientability...? A mathematician's delight, handcrafted in glass.")
But how the legendary cyberbreach detective started the company is explained in this 2016 article from a U.C. Berkeley alumni magazine. Its headline? "How a Berkeley Eccentric Beat the Russians — and Then Made Useless, Wondrous Objects." The reward for his cloak-and-dagger wizardry? A certificate of appreciation from the CIA, which is stashed somewhere in his attic... Stoll published a best-selling book, The Cuckoo's Egg, about his investigation. PBS followed it with a NOVA episode entitled "The KGB, the Computer, and Me," a docudrama starring Stoll playing himself and stepping through the "fourth wall" to double as narrator. Stoll had stepped through another wall, as well, into the numinous realm of fame, as the burgeoning tech world went wild with adulation... He was more famous than he ever could have dreamed, and he hated it. "After a few months, you realize how thin fame is, and how shallow. I'm not a software jockey; I'm an astronomer. But all people cared about was my computing."
Stoll's disenchantment also arose from what he perceived as the false religion of the Internet... Stoll articulated his disenchantment in his next book, Silicon Snake Oil, published in 1995, which urged readers to get out from behind their computer screens and get a life. "I was asking what I thought were reasonable questions: Is the electronic classroom an improvement? Does a computer help a student learn? Yes, but what it teaches you is to go to the computer whenever you have a question, rather than relying on yourself. Suppose I was an evil person and wanted to eliminate the curiosity of children. Give the kid a diet of Google, and pretty soon the child learns that every question he has is answered instantly. The coolest thing about being human is to learn, but you don't learn things by looking it up; you learn by figuring it out." It was not a popular message in the rise of the dot-com era, as Stoll soon learned...
Being a Voice in the Wilderness doesn't pay well, however, and by this time Stoll had taken his own advice and gotten a life; namely, marrying and having two children. So he looked around for a way to make some money. That ushered in his third — and current — career as President and Chief Bottle Washer of the aforementioned Acme Klein Bottle company... At first, Stoll had a hard time finding someone to make Klein bottles. He tried a bong peddler on Telegraph Avenue, but the guy took Cliff's money and disappeared. "I realized that the trouble with bong makers is that they're also bong users."
Then in 1994, two friends of his, Tom Adams and George Chittenden, opened a shop in West Berkeley that made glassware for science labs. "They needed help with their computer program and wanted to pay me," Stoll recalls. "I said, 'Nah, let's make Klein bottles instead.' And that's how Acme Klein Bottles was born."
UPDATE: Turns out Stoll is also a long-time Slashdot reader, and shared comments this weekend on everything from watching the eclipse to his VIP parking pass for CIA headquarters and "this CIA guy's rubber-stamp collection."
"I am honored by the attention and kindness of fellow nerds and online friends," Stoll added Saturday. "When I first started on that chase in 1986, I had no idea wrhere it would lead me... To all my friends: May you burdens be light and your purpose high. Stay curious!"
First described in 1882 by the mathematician Felix Klein, a Klein bottle (like a Mobius strip) has a one-side surface. ("Need a zero-volume bottle...?" asks Stoll's web site. "Want the ultimate in non-orientability...? A mathematician's delight, handcrafted in glass.")
But how the legendary cyberbreach detective started the company is explained in this 2016 article from a U.C. Berkeley alumni magazine. Its headline? "How a Berkeley Eccentric Beat the Russians — and Then Made Useless, Wondrous Objects." The reward for his cloak-and-dagger wizardry? A certificate of appreciation from the CIA, which is stashed somewhere in his attic... Stoll published a best-selling book, The Cuckoo's Egg, about his investigation. PBS followed it with a NOVA episode entitled "The KGB, the Computer, and Me," a docudrama starring Stoll playing himself and stepping through the "fourth wall" to double as narrator. Stoll had stepped through another wall, as well, into the numinous realm of fame, as the burgeoning tech world went wild with adulation... He was more famous than he ever could have dreamed, and he hated it. "After a few months, you realize how thin fame is, and how shallow. I'm not a software jockey; I'm an astronomer. But all people cared about was my computing."
Stoll's disenchantment also arose from what he perceived as the false religion of the Internet... Stoll articulated his disenchantment in his next book, Silicon Snake Oil, published in 1995, which urged readers to get out from behind their computer screens and get a life. "I was asking what I thought were reasonable questions: Is the electronic classroom an improvement? Does a computer help a student learn? Yes, but what it teaches you is to go to the computer whenever you have a question, rather than relying on yourself. Suppose I was an evil person and wanted to eliminate the curiosity of children. Give the kid a diet of Google, and pretty soon the child learns that every question he has is answered instantly. The coolest thing about being human is to learn, but you don't learn things by looking it up; you learn by figuring it out." It was not a popular message in the rise of the dot-com era, as Stoll soon learned...
Being a Voice in the Wilderness doesn't pay well, however, and by this time Stoll had taken his own advice and gotten a life; namely, marrying and having two children. So he looked around for a way to make some money. That ushered in his third — and current — career as President and Chief Bottle Washer of the aforementioned Acme Klein Bottle company... At first, Stoll had a hard time finding someone to make Klein bottles. He tried a bong peddler on Telegraph Avenue, but the guy took Cliff's money and disappeared. "I realized that the trouble with bong makers is that they're also bong users."
Then in 1994, two friends of his, Tom Adams and George Chittenden, opened a shop in West Berkeley that made glassware for science labs. "They needed help with their computer program and wanted to pay me," Stoll recalls. "I said, 'Nah, let's make Klein bottles instead.' And that's how Acme Klein Bottles was born."
UPDATE: Turns out Stoll is also a long-time Slashdot reader, and shared comments this weekend on everything from watching the eclipse to his VIP parking pass for CIA headquarters and "this CIA guy's rubber-stamp collection."
"I am honored by the attention and kindness of fellow nerds and online friends," Stoll added Saturday. "When I first started on that chase in 1986, I had no idea wrhere it would lead me... To all my friends: May you burdens be light and your purpose high. Stay curious!"
"Now"? (Score:5, Informative)
He's been selling Klein Bottles at least since 2001.
Re: (Score:3, Interesting)
There are several Klein Bottles available on Amazon.
Clifford Stoll is better at making bottles than making predictions. He was wrong about almost everything.
"Hardware and software will all top out in the mid-90s"
"E-commerce will never take off."
"No online database will replace your daily newspaper."
Re: (Score:3)
Yep. He's even worse at predictions than I am.
But yeah, he's been selling these bottles for a long time now. I'm reasonably sure that site was featured on Slashdot back when getting Slashdotted was still a thing. I know I've seen it here before. I'm too lazy to look for it.
Re: (Score:2)
He's been selling Klein Bottles at least since 2001.
For approximate values of "now", I guess.
Re: (Score:2)
For approximate values of "now", I guess.
Fair point. Low precision but the headline is accurate!
Re:"Now"? (Score:4, Interesting)
I ordered some Klein bottles from him back in 2008, and commented in the email exchange how much I enjoyed The Cuckoo's Egg. His response:
aah-Cuckoo's Egg - it feels like an eternity since I wrote it. I wonder whether there's much resemblance between the person I wrote about and the person I've become...
Re: (Score:2)
He's been selling Klein Bottles at least since 2001.
Not only that, he doesn't seem to have updated his website since then either. Get his man a UX engineer and some rounded corners stat!
Re: "Now"? (Score:2)
He mentions why it looks old on the home page, point number 12.
Re:"Now"? (Score:4, Insightful)
Seriously his website is good the way it is. It simply works and doesn't require Javascript from dozends of remote domains or any of that nonsense web designers do now.
Re: (Score:1)
Nah, that website is hideous retro. Part of the business is designing/making Klein bottles to sell for a profit If he makes enough money to cover the entirety of his living expenses, he can probably charge a little extra to contract a web designer to revamp the appearance of the sales website every 4(?) years.
He's essentially trying to sell mathematical glass sculpture. You don't get the *wow* experience showcasing art in a shitty 2D photograph in a basement workshop.
Re: (Score:3)
GAH!!!! NO!!!!!!!
Why would you want to do that? "Modern" websites are terrible.
His site is one of the most pleasant I've seen. It's just fine as is, uncorrupted by the awfulness of CSS and JavaScript.
Re: (Score:2)
Re: (Score:3)
Lies. It's only a three dimensional representation. Not a hint of four dimensionality. It self-intersects and everything.
Re: (Score:3)
Numberphile has done numerous interviews with him as well
https://www.youtube.com/playli... [youtube.com]
Of course, he has had more interviews with Numberphile
https://www.youtube.com/playli... [youtube.com]
Re: (Score:3)
Yeah I remember looking at his site when I was a teenager. Nice to see that it hasn't changed.
Re: (Score:2)
As a proud owner of an Acme Klein Stein, I'd just like to say... I have a Klein Stein. Got in in 2001....
Re: (Score:2)
He's been selling Klein Bottles at least since 2001.
I also came here to say this is not news. I bought one from him several years ago and both Cliff and the bottle are charming!
Re: "Now"? (Score:4, Funny)
Not news to me, either, Drew.
Re: (Score:2)
Just what I was going to say. Been wanting a coffee mug for years.
These are very common (Score:3)
..in the glassblowing world
There are even tutorials on youtube showing how to make them
Re: (Score:2)
..in the glassblowing world There are even tutorials on youtube showing how to make them
What luck for dismissive shitposters!
Nobody's saying Cliff invented them or is the finest glassblower in the world
It's just the oddball thing that Clifford Stoll, nerd celebrity, does to make a living these days.
I deklein (Score:3)
Re: (Score:1)
don't need something I can't fathom.
I also would not eff with ineffable.
Other than reinforcing one's nerd cred (Score:2)
Why would you want one? Is there a GNU/Klein Bottle that runs Linux in a (boundary-less) container?
Re: (Score:2)
Because they're cool, in a way the Kardashians will never be.
Re: (Score:2)
Imagine a Beowulf cluster of GNU/Klein Bottles!
Cliff Stoll is a fascinating guy. (Score:5, Interesting)
Many have correctly pointed out that Klein bottles are nothing new and glass blowers have been making them for some time. The headline is therefore misleading. Also, these aren't even real Klein bottles as a true Klein bottle can't exist in a three dimensional space.
All that being said, don't blame Cliff for the misleading headline. He didn't post it. He is, in fact, a really interesting guy. He's a frequent contributor to the Numberphile channel on YouTube and his videos are always interesting to watch. He's a real engineering nerd and in one video [youtube.com] he shows how he stores all his Klein bottles in a crawlspace under his house and he built a robot that can drive around in said space to store and fetch these bottles. You should really check out some of his videos: he's a really entertaining and informative guy.
The Cuckoos Eggs (Score:4, Informative)
A great book if you want to find out how early hackers could be tracked down in the 80s. Obviously the techniques are pretty much out of date now but as a cybersecurity history primer you could do a lot worse.
Re: (Score:2)
Now I find the ending very disturbing.
The hacker was found burned to death by the side of the road.
And the CIA gave Clifford a party with a cake and all.
Re: (Score:2)
Yep same guy⦠(Score:5, Informative)
Iâ(TM)ve been away from slashdot for a while, and Iâ(TM)m now on a post-eclipse trip on the east coast.
With good fortitune (and Amtrak), Iâ(TM)ll be home in 10 days; Iâ(TM)ll then fill the tsunami of Klein bottle orders that havve arrived in the past few hours. Over a dozenâ" Iâ(TM)ll be catching up for a few days!
Smiles all around,
-Cliff on a rainy Saturday in Potsdam, NU
Re: Yep same guy . . . (Score:5, Interesting)
Following up, I am honored by the attention and kindness of fellow nerds and online friends. When I first started on that chase in 1986, I had no idea wrhere it would lead me.
A curious accounting error led me through Unix internals, tcp/ip protocols, early Arpanet connections, and backwards to a group of computer hackers working for then Soviet & Stassi agencies. Along the way, I met people from the FBI, NSA, CIA, AFOSI, and plenty of very smart computer jocks.
It was a time of analog phones and dial up modems; when you would carry coins in your pocket to make calls on the street.
Since then, thanks to the support of online friends and math folk, I have explored and shared interests in topology and math. Along the way, Iâ(TM)ve made plenty of mistakes and bloopers; pretty much the same as student times. Goofups in grad school are easier to sweep aside!
To all my friends: May you burdens be light and your purpose high. Stay curious!
- Cliff
Re: Yep same guy . . . (Score:4)
Even after all these years since I read that book of yours I still chuckle when I recall your story of playing with the TOP SECRET stamp while visiting the office of an FBI Agent. Thanks for the memories.
Re: Yep same guy . . . (Score:5, Interesting)
Thanks, Will-O. I quite remember this cia guyâ(TM)s rubber stamp collection with dozens of great stamps: NOFORN, EYES-ONLY, and different fonts of Secret and top secret. Damn, but the guard at the place seized my paper with all those stamps.
On the other hand, I still have a VIP parking pass for the CIA headquarters â" Lets ypu park right at the front steps. Valid, if you have a time machine going back to April 5, 1988.
Re: (Score:3)
A friend of mine working at "one of those places" stamped his waste basket with some of those stamps.
I think I recall it was required that the waste basket be burned.
Re: (Score:3)
Re: Yep same guy . . . (Score:4, Interesting)
My warm thoughts fly over to you, Kill (owatt-) Hour â" last weekâ(TM)s eclipse fund me beneath stratus clouds just east of Buffalo, having a wonderful (though cloudy) day with 4 generations of my family. Itâ(TM)s a joy to see how my home town has evolved â" memories of climbing the Michigan Avenue Lift Bridge at midnight and watching them tap the redhot coke ovens at Bethlehem/Lackawanna Steel mills.
Re: (Score:2)
I frequently pull out the line from one of your books, "The internet is an information source infinitely wide but only a millimeter deep."
Re: (Score:2)
Re: (Score:3)
I recall your presentation at the Hackers Conference years ago showing the home-made radar gun you made to log the excessive speed of maniacs racing down your street, to show city council the need for speed bumps. I (like everyone else) was wondering about your dashing back and forth in front of the stage... then noticed your radar gun (on the Macintosh screen you had set up, IIRC) was clocking your speed as you did it. Nice demo.
Good times.
Re: (Score:2)
Contrary to the warnings that came with my Klein bottle, it has not converted into 100% energy. At least not yet.
Re: Yep same guy⦠(Score:3)
Aaw, I should have told you. Thereâ(TM)s some equation that relates energy, mass, and the speed of light. Probably most physics postdocs have heard of it.
Re: (Score:2)
So if 100% of it does turn into energy, is that covered over the warranty or is it just long term expected behavior? What if it happens if it happens quickly in the short term? I lost the sheets of paper with other info that came with it.
Can I assume the new ones are still not warrantied if they exceed 3x10^8 m/s?
Old joke (Score:5, Funny)
Sign in window:
Klein bottles for sale.
Inquire within.
I guess that's an inside joke.
I met Clifford Stoll and got a signed copy of his (Score:4, Informative)
book. I guess it was back in the '90s and I was in Cody's Books in Berkeley.
He and someone else were looking for a book on information theory and I directed them to the right shelf.
He handed me his book, said "I wrote this, buy it!"
It was a good book, but the ending was disturbing.
He was an astronomy student at Berkeley, and in a CS class his professor told him that there was some wrong with the logs on one of their computers and he wanted him to figure out what was going on.
He found that someone was breaking into the computer - I'm not sure if the internet was a thing back then, but someone was breaking into computer networks and using dialouts (he found that the CIA's computers had a dialout bank he could break into) and was going through all kinds of computer systems looking for military information, and Clifford followed him.
He kept calling up agencies telling them that their systems were being broken into and this was all so new that no one knew what to do and no one was tasked with security.
So... eventually it was traced to someone in Eastern Germany.
The CIA threw him a party with a cake and all, which was a bit weird for a Berkeley hippy type.
The NSA had him give a talk.
But in the end the spy was found burned to death by the side of the road.
So. Yeah. I guess we weren't playing.
A delightful guy (Score:2)
I picked up my Klein Stein at Cliff's house a number of years ago. He's a delightful character and we veered off into conversations about slide rules and oscilloscopes (he has a large collection of both) as well as computers in education and a number of other topics. A number of his large bottles were on display at San Francisco Airport.