Global Bacon Shortage 'Unavoidable' 293
New submitter The name is Dave. Ja debuts on the front page with the most dismal news of our time: "This is truly 'Stuff That Matters'. Where would civilization be today without bacon? I don't mean to be alarmist but ... sound the alarms! This is big — it could lead to civil unrest."
Yes, a bacon shortage. Hopefully what bacon there is will be more delicious after being fed with gummi worms.
What? (Score:5, Funny)
Meh... (Score:5, Funny)
Who's gonna notice when the Earth becomes unliveable due to climate change?
* Tornadoes... Droughts... Floods...
* Bacon Shortage, like OMG???
First the great Maple Syrup heist . . . (Score:5, Funny)
This is the end! (Score:5, Funny)
Venkman: Or you can accept the fact that this city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.
Mayor: What do you mean, "biblical"?
Ray Stantz: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath-of-God type stuff!
Venkman: Exactly.
Stanz: Fire and brimstone coming down from the sky! Rivers and seas boiling!
Spengler: Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes!
Winston Zeddmore: The dead rising from the grave!
Venkman: Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats, living together! Mass hysteria!
Mayor: Enough! I get the point! And what if you're wrong?
Venkman: If we're wrong, then nothing happens. We go to jail, peacefully, quietly. We'll enjoy it. But if we're right, and we can stop this thing... Lenny, you will have saved the lives of millions of registered voters.
National Emergency: One man holds the solution (Score:5, Funny)
Re:What? (Score:5, Funny)
Whatsamatta?
Pigs quit fucking?
Re:First the great Maple Syrup heist . . . (Score:4, Funny)
. . . and now this. It's like a war on breakfast.
Luckily the Strategic Bacon Reserve is still safe. What? HOW CAN WE NOT HAVE ONE?!?
Re:Relax, we've already covered the solution today (Score:5, Funny)
http://science.slashdot.org/story/12/09/25/165256/lab-grown-leather-could-be-a-reality-in-5-years [slashdot.org]
Well, that covers footballs ... <rimshot>
it's the Canadians, eh. (Score:5, Funny)
First they burn the White House and now this.
What's next, no hockey?
Do these scoundrels have no pity?
Other effects of a pig shortage... (Score:5, Funny)
Look on the bright side- this also has to mean there will be less spam in the future!
Re:From a vegetarian point of view ... (Score:5, Funny)
I love it when vegetarians prove my favorite joke about them right...
'How can you tell a vegetarian... don't worry... they willl ALWAYS tell you.'
Re:What? (Score:4, Funny)
Considering the size, looks and general intelligence of many of my fellow Americans I see out and about...trudging along, slurping down trash for food, and staring out blankly....
I sadly have to say....no....
Don't worry (Score:5, Funny)
Re:What? (Score:5, Funny)
We could have had *one* thread, ONE thread, a happy fun thread about piggies and bacon and condoms, and NO nation-state based bigotry whatsoever. One thread.
*sigh*
This is why we can't have nice things. Or bacon.
Re:What? (Score:2, Funny)
OK So, back to our regularly scheduled programming.
"Pork Smegma".
There, Happy now?
Re:HOLY SHIT! (Score:5, Funny)
Human meat tastes like pork, so I'm covered.
In a nice honey glaze?