North Korea Develops Anti-Aging "Super Drink" 296
__roo writes "According to North Korea's official news agency, a drink produced by North Korea's Moranbong Carbonated Fruit Juice Joint Venture Company can cure aging and all disease. 'It, with effects of both preventive and curative treatment, helps improve mental and retentive faculties by multiplying brain cells. It also protects skin from wrinkles and black spots and prevents such geriatric diseases as cerebral hemorrhage, myocardium and brain infarction by removing acid effete matters in time.' It also has no side-effects." Last month North Korea announced its fusion breakthrough, and now it has a super drink. One can only imagine what wonders may come in July — perhaps self-buttering toast.
We've had that for years! (Score:4, Funny)
Re: (Score:2)
Seems to me that stuff like Red Bull and Oil of Ulay is advertised in much the same way. Looks like NK is just catching up with the west.
Re: (Score:2, Funny)
So they won't need to worry (Score:5, Funny)
Re: (Score:2)
Re: (Score:2)
North Korea has spent a lot of money on computer graphics to make a cyber Dear Lead
Ever wondered what kind of damage cyberwarfare could do? Sounds like the North Koreans would have A LOT more to lose from a cyberassassination than the Russians.
Re: (Score:2)
Wouldn't it then be "Friend Computer" instead of "Dear Leader"?
Are you insinuating that the Computer is a Communist Mutant from the Outside? What's your sixpack's security clearance?
Re:So they won't need to worry (Score:5, Insightful)
Or his demise could suddenly be "guaranteed" to be an act of assasination...
Re: (Score:2)
You're modded funny, but it's probably the big reason. When he dies, they can just explain "glorious leader took our rare health potion and is in as good health as his successor was..."
Re: (Score:2, Funny)
FYI, North korea has been an necrocracy for 16 years. Kim Il-sung is still the official leader.
You know, they have a deal with satan or something.
No different than the food supplements in America (Score:5, Insightful)
No different than the food supplements in America. They make all these claims and then some.
Re:No different than the food supplements in Ameri (Score:5, Funny)
I'm waiting for Kevin Trudeau to release a book titled, "Nuclear Fusion secrets THEY don't want you to know."
Re: (Score:2)
I totally agree. The government of a nation declaring that they have found the exile of life is pretty much exactly the same thing as a private company making vague promises and adding that the claims are not FDA tested. Yup. Exactly the same thing.
Re: (Score:2)
5G Phone (Score:2)
North Korea is going to beat everyone to the punch and release the first 5G phone powered by their portable fusion reactor.
Re:5G Phone (Score:5, Funny)
Don't worry. Even if that happens, Jobs will come out with a 4G, coal-powered phone, and still convince everyone it's worth queuing all night and paying twice as much for.
Re: (Score:2)
Be careful, you just affected the coal markets...
\/|4gr4 (Score:5, Funny)
Re: (Score:3, Funny)
Great. Now we're gonna start getting spammed by North Korean pharmacies instead of just the Canadian ones.
Re: (Score:2)
Exactly what Kim Jong-Il wanted.
Re: (Score:2)
Kim's Multi-Level Marketing Scheme (Score:2)
Re: (Score:2)
Hey now, kimchee isn't that bad. :p
Re: (Score:2)
Looks like the start of a North Korean multi-level marketing scheme, with guaranteed buyers
What buyers? Don't they have ration stamps? They did in 90s, at least.
Kim Jong-il (Score:4, Funny)
No wonder he hasn't changed a bit since 10 years.
Not only self-buttering toast (Score:5, Funny)
But self-buttering toast that lands butter-side UP when dropped, every time, meaning they have developed a small anti-Murphian field that envelops each slice of toast.
Next, this Anti-Murphian field will be generated on a larger scale and will be developed as an active defense, meaning that anything that can go right will go wright.
However, the device will be immediately outlawed and everyone involved in the project killed once Kim Jong-Il realizes that if he ever got in the vicinity of an anti-Murphian field he would be instantly deposed or killed.
Re: (Score:2)
grep/wright/right. Odd typo, that. Obviously my personal anti-Murphian field failed miserably.
Speaking of anti-Murphian! (Score:3, Interesting)
Let me fire the first salvo, I'll make up something...
Wright's Law: If something can go right, it will, for someone else.
Re: (Score:3, Funny)
Wright's Law: If something can go right, it will, for someone else.
I thought Wright's Law stated that anything that can go rong will go rong.
Re: (Score:2)
My *GOD* man. An anti-Murphian field could wipe out the last few millennium of human history, and possibly the human race. Such a thing must never be developed! All hail Murphy! All hale (Oh crap, there goes my key*)&&[]
But... (Score:2)
Will it Core a Apple?
Re: (Score:2)
Re: (Score:2)
Re: (Score:2)
Will it Core a Apple?
I don't know. Apples these days commonly have 2 to 8 cores.
Look what it did for the Great Leader (Score:3, Informative)
Re: (Score:2)
what kind of hole?
Jim Jones already tried this (Score:5, Funny)
Wonderful (Score:5, Insightful)
Now all they need to do is come up with a drink which protects against death by starvation and torture and the North Korean people will have something to celebrate.
c.
Great (Score:2)
Hi, Kim Jong-II here for Moranbong Carbonated Fruit Juice. Tired of getting old? Memory fading? Can't get that grease spot out the shirt you stained stuffing your bloated, capitalistic face at the buffet? The mighty Moranbong Carbonated Fruit Juice cures all that and more. And, if you order today, we'll include a genuine Chinese Army battle shovel!
Snake Oil. (Score:2)
You have to wonder if they are gulible enough to drink the Kool-Aid.
Why not? Folks have been selling snake-oil for as long as there has been selling and snakes!
Re: (Score:2)
You are talking about a wholly different culture.
A culture where the last few generations have been indoctrinated from cradle to grave to believe that they live in a wonderful country which is so great they're not allowed to cross the border to see how others live - but why would you want to anyway, citizen?
Thinking about it, it sounds an awful lot like a cult but on a much larger scale. And the great majority of cult members really do believe everything their wonderful leader says, otherwise there wouldn'
Re: (Score:2)
What fun is there being stuck in the nineteenth century without it?
Dystopia (Score:2)
A script for a sci-fi novel: after years of self-reclusion, the much hated North Korean country have developed two things, the most powerful army in Earth and a drink that can maintain their people forever young. Scared with the potential implications in economy and society, the "western" countries try to invade the korean territories but are repelled by the self-healing soldiers of the enemy...
(the rest is left to the imagination of the reader...)
Anti-aging, immunity boost, whatever... (Score:5, Funny)
The real question is, has it got electrolytes?
It's got electrolytes (Score:5, Funny)
.
Not so fast, North Korea (Score:5, Insightful)
Many of you are familiar with he earth-at-night photo.
Well did you ever take a look at North Korea [wordpress.com]? They don't have electricity, much less health care.
Re: (Score:3, Funny)
Well did you ever take a look at North Korea [wordpress.com]? They don't have electricity, much less health care.
No, the super drink just encourages you to go to bed early, and not leave the lights on.
Just like the Great Leader said, "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a dictator healthy, wealthy and wise."
Re: (Score:2)
Hm, looking at the worldwide map, much of the US doesn't have electricity (much less healthcare?) either...
Re: (Score:2)
Exactly. Because looking at the areas where the population density is almost nothing in the US (like the desert) is totally comparable to the 24 million people in that very small area.
Re: (Score:3, Informative)
I'm not comparing it to the US. I'm comparing it to SOUTH KOREA. They have the same background, up until the war, when SK was left capatialist and NK stayed communist. This is what I am arguing.
If you want a US comparison, for comparison, go here [nightearth.com] and enter in Valentine, Nebraska. They manage to have a dot. Its the intersection of five roads in the middle of nowhere. then look at it at google earth. Its about 25 blocks in diameter
Oops, ment to reply to you parent. (Score:4, Informative)
Also, lets look at the Populatation denistiy stats:
NK 199 people per sqkm
US 32 people per sqkm
SK: 489 people per sqkm
Despite NK having 6 times the population density.... they manage to have only one respecible dot. Mean while, there's SK, with 2.5 times the population of NK. And they have dots everywhere...
Re: (Score:2)
Hm, looking at the worldwide map, much of the US doesn't have electricity (much less healthcare?) either...
Ever notice the difference between having no electricity throughout nearly the entire country, which happens to be smaller than many US states, and having stretches of land where nobody lives in a one of the largest countries in the world?
Re: (Score:2)
Of course not, because while Europeans (I'm guessing the GP is of EU descent) consider themselves part of a diverse multi-spanning society worthy of individual judgement, many refuse to look at the United States as a union of fifty separate states, equal in territory and with over half the population.
On the other hand, we do have Texas, and it's hard to get over that criticism.
Well, I happen to live in Texas, and while I can't really defend the government and the kooks here, I can say that at least we aren't South Carolina [huffingtonpost.com]! :)
Re:Not so fast, North Korea (Score:4, Insightful)
Hm, looking at the worldwide map, much of the US doesn't have electricity (much less healthcare?) either...
Note that Baffin Island [wikipedia.org] which is mostly north of the arctic circle and is mostly composed of barren (but rather beautiful) rock and tundra with a wopping population of 11,000 people (giving it a population density of 0.02 /km2 )has more bright points than North Korea which has over 24 million people and a population density of 198.3/km2.
I'll leave interpretation of the actual meaning of these facts as an exercise for the student.
Re: (Score:3, Funny)
Re: (Score:2, Funny)
As you can clearly see the majority of North Korea uses non-light polluting light, it's considerably more advanced than the light used in other nations.
In all seriousness.... (Score:4, Insightful)
In all seriousness, these are warning signs that things are going to get very nasty in the Korean Peninsula very soon.
When a totalitarian regime plays the "we are being victimized by the rest of the world" card in their nationalistic propaganda, the people will generally believe it and will unite in support of the leader, sometimes for decades. But when a regime tries to stoke the nationalistic fires by playing the "we are the greatest country in the world" card and making impossible promises of how gloriously successful they will be in the coming years, promises that will very quickly be seen by everyone as the bullshit they are, something's gonna happen and it's gonna happen soon.
Re: (Score:2)
Or maybe Dear Leader knows that is what we would think.
He's trying to psych us out, still.
Re: (Score:2)
This is exactly the kind of story that has been coming out of North Korea for decades. They may well be in imminent danger of collapse, but stories like these are no harbingers of such calamity. Besides, China has a vested interest in propping up North Korea, because they don't want millions of refugees crossing uncontrolled into China.
North Korean joke (Score:5, Funny)
special ingredients? (Score:2)
Still won't cure stupidity (Score:4, Insightful)
It's the anti-soju! (Score:2, Funny)
So they've basically developed the anti-soju! sweet
Simple explanation on how this works: (Score:3, Informative)
Re: (Score:2)
Quick, someone sell a lot of it to the Dear Leader! I mean, this has an equally good chance of working as a Castro exploding cigar.
Re: (Score:2)
So, is the real objective population control ("No population, no popular unrest!") or assassination of Dear Leader??
Finally! (Score:2)
Thank heavens - my acid effete matters have been giving me terrible trouble lately, darlings.
A cautions hint: Comprade Kim is about to die (Score:5, Insightful)
Just following their leaders example... (Score:2)
As does the leader, so do the people.
That joke... (Score:2)
This joke:
One can only imagine what wonders they will reveal in July, perhaps self buttering toast.
Drug test there world cup team! (Score:2)
Drug test there world cup team!
Re:Drug test there world cup team! (Score:4, Funny)
I believe their already doing this over they're.
Advancements in toast tech. (Score:2)
Pffft. Call me when they can make it always land buttered-side up.
Re: (Score:2)
That's easy, superglue it to a cat.
Re: (Score:2)
They cannot make it land butter-side up, they have no butter. Hell, they don't even have toast or toasters to toast in or electricity to waste on toasters. The little sawed-off Dear Leader Runt needs to go tits-up soon before the nation does...although it would serve China right if the entire N. Korean pop. made a run for the Chinese border seeing as how helpful China has been over N. Korea.
It's a feature!! (Score:3, Funny)
"It, much higher than quality cosmetics in anti-oxidation capacity, is efficacious for different skin diseases, including allergic dermatitis. It also makes skin fair. "The drink has no side-effect."
It's a fruit juice drink that turns your skin white, but has no side effects....eh?
Re: (Score:3)
Better than toast (Score:3, Funny)
Last month they announced their fusion breakthrough, and now they have a super drink. One can only imagine what wonders they will reveal in July, perhaps self buttering toast.
Bah. Wake me up when North Korea announces that they are going to release "Duke Nukem Forever."
Technology tie-in (Score:2)
This - Kim Jong-Il, atomic fusion, and death-defying soft drinks - this is what Steve Jobs would look like if he couldn't quite pull it off.
Who wants to live forever? (Score:2)
Really, what's the point of curing old age, and all the diseases known to mankind, if you have to live in Little Kim's dictatorship. I could probably learn to deal with Kim's egomaniacal personality - if only there were FOOD to go around. Think of it. Eternity ahead of you - and hungry all the time. Phhht.
Re: (Score:2)
We laugh (Score:5, Insightful)
Hell, we are scammed by our government just as muc (Score:2)
as they are. Yet we think that because we live in a more modern society that they are the idiots.
I guess it is easier to look down on another country than admit to the problems in your own
Re: (Score:2)
Yep this is no different to any of the other super-drinks marketed in the west, high in anti-oxidants and all that crap. There's plenty of "anti-ageing" creams here in the UK, basically just anything that blocks UV rays can be marketed as anti-aging.
Re: (Score:3, Insightful)
We laugh at the ridiculous claims of the famous "pigmy" leader's regieme whilst falling victim to the same scam in our own backyard. Look at the weight loss scam products that are out there that have spawned almost a billion dollar industry. It would seem that these shady product vendors bring a product to market long enough to make a large sum of money before being discovered as, at best inefffective and at worst, outright fraud. I find it funny that we laugh at the "Super Drink" while we become easily duped by advertisements on TV that claim super weight loss.
This is why FDA approval is a good thing.
Re: (Score:2)
What kind of super weight loss? Does it really work?
Movie! (Score:2)
I think Michael Moore needs to mak a movie about this, to shame the U.S. about its softdrink innovation pace.
Snake oil (Score:2)
So, they've invented Dr. Wiggin's Patent Cure-All And Digestive Aid. Next they're going to be announcing the discovery of the new elements Unobtanium and Impossibilium, and their successful use in building a burrowing machine that has penetrated the Earth's mantle and restarted the rotation of the core.
"multiplying brain cells"? Cancer can do that too. (Score:2)
If the aim is to simply multiply brain cells, there are plenty of other ways to do that too: just do anything that can give you brain cancer.
Say, Say, Say (Score:2)
The endgame of this plan (Score:2)
My guess is the cloned version of Kim Jong is in the works. They'll use this drink to explain how he suddenly went from old and feeble to an 18 year old overnight.
It's also a fine desert topping... (Score:2)
Oblig Tom Waits (Score:2)
"...It gives you an erection, it wins the election..."
MLM snake oil (Score:2)
It wouldn't surprise me at all that North Korea or their western partners have decided they want a piece of this scam by turning some unpalatable unheard of plant / berry / fruit into a "super drink".
Re: (Score:3, Insightful)
Because Chinese love the drink?
Re: (Score:2)
Re: (Score:2)
It's as if North Korea is deliberately trying not to be credible anymore. Why doesn't this embarass China?
Speaking of credibility, let us not forget that China is the country that brought us the Chintendo Vii [gametrailers.com].
Re: (Score:2)
All things considered, it's good to have the biggest threat to one of your regional economic competitors on your side.
Re: (Score:2)
How effective does propaganda need to be when you never get any means to calibrate your bullshit filter?
Re: (Score:2)
And they promise there will be free elections in the country as soon as everyone learns a musical instrument.
You must be on American imperialists' payroll. Everyone knows that North Korea has had free elections ever since its decisive victory in the Fatherland Liberation War. There are even many parties to choose from [wikipedia.org]. Of course, they all support our Great Leader Kim Jong-Il, but that is only because they reflect the dedication to him of the people who vote for those parties. ~