This is fine until a guy with an X-wing desk comes along and shoots the legs off.

He's the best mechanic in the county and he works for apples.

It's been proven that good looking people earn 12% more than ugly people and beautiful children don't get put in the bin.

After 72-year-old, Andy Lees, was told he had terminal cancer he gave away his £12,000 savings and spent another £6,500 on his funeral. However, a year after his diagnosis, doctors discovered that he is suffering from chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, a lung condition that causes a narrowing of the airways. Andy is very sick but he is not dying. Mr. Lees is now suing the local health authority for the misdiagnosis because he says the mistake has left him penniless. "I couldn't believe it. I gave away my life savings because I didn't think I would need them. We just presumed that the doctor would be right. Now I am broke," he said. On the positive side he won't have to walk five miles one-way to the gravel factory, seven days a week, for 16 hours straight with no break to get his money back.

I know at least one lotto number he should have played in life.

Downtown isn't so bad a long as you have a fast car and some covering fire.

Sometimes you don't want the pot of gold.

Since we covered people who wanted out of Slashdot last week, I thought we'd look at some people who wanted back in. These users found that living without Slashdot was a lot harder than they thought. Maybe you've just been married and are finding out your wife is less interesting than Slashdot or maybe you were bad and want to make amends. These people found out it's hard to make it without your favorite website. Keep reading to find out what they'll do to get back.

Starting in November, Queen's University Belfast will offer a course that will use the psychology of the Star Wars Jedi Knights to teach students communication skills and personal development. The university's publicity material reads 'the course "Feel the Force: How to Train in the Jedi Way" teaches the "real-life psychological techniques behind Jedi mind tricks"' and promises to explore 'wider issues behind the Star Wars universe, like balance, destiny, dualism, fatherhood and fascism.' The course is very affordable but the droid fees are outrageous.

D Ninja writes "A company called Virsona recently released a beta version of their product that allows friends and relatives to talk to you after you have died. By submitting information to a journal and 'collecting a personal footprint' from social networking sites, Virsona attempts to figure out responses (based on your footprint) to someone who is 'communicating with you' via the service's instant message interface. The service is free (upgraded, paid services are available), but is still pretty hit or miss regarding the responses." All grandma says now is, "First!"

While it's no sharks with laser beams, I'll take a dog with an axe over nothing.

There seems to be a problem with the contrast button.

When she's still you can't tell them apart.

skeeto writes "The infamous Ubuntu Satanic Edition has been banned from Distrowatch by the site's maintainer, Ladislav Bodnar, who said, 'There is no way I am going to add this distro to DistroWatch. [...] I don't consider the name "Satanic edition" as an appropriate name for a Linux distribution.' But the main reason seems to be that 'Ubuntu is a registered trademark of Canonical. You need to show me an official permission from Canonical that grants you the use of the word Ubuntu in your product's name.' What about Muslim and Christian editions? It seems that worries about trademark infringement and offensive material does not stop Distrowatch from including those."

Joseph Vaccarelli, a former Verizon Technician, has been charged with racking up $220,000 in phone-sex calls by tapping into the land lines of nearly 950 customers. Authorities say that he made approximately 5,000 calls, resulting in 45,000 minutes of call time. Verizon estimated that out of a 40-week period, Vaccarelli spent 15 weeks talking on sex lines. How in the world do you have this much phone sex, period, but especially at work, and not have anyone notice?

For the first time in France and probably the world, a dog has appeared as a witness in criminal proceeding. The dog, nicknamed Scooby, is believed to have been with his owner when she was found hanging from the ceiling of her apartment. The police believed it was a suicide but the woman's family disagreed and demanded a murder investigation. During a preliminary hearing Scooby was led into the witness box by a vet to see how he reacted to a suspect. The dog "barked furiously" at the suspect and it is now up to a judge to determine if there is sufficient evidence to launch a full murder inquiry. The dog seemed reluctant to testify at first but was convinced with the help of some kids in a van and three scooby snacks.

Every time I start feeling bad about crazy overreaching laws here in the US, the UK does something that makes me even sadder. Park wardens at the Telford Town Park in Shropshire, have been ordered to stop and interrogate anyone who is not accompanied by children. Visitors who can't explain their childless presence in the park risk being thrown out or reported to police. Former childcare social worker John Evans said: "It is authoritarian madness which can only be based on ignorance. It is absurd, it is insulting and it is dangerous as it panics people about the dangers their children face." I envision a new black market rent-a-kid service designed for an unmolested park experience.

Who knew that Grandma was so salacious?

When a burger is so big that you need a helmet, you know it's gonna be good.

Laurinda Drake and Elaine Clermont wanted to prove how easy it was to abduct a child from the local elementary school. So they did what any reasonable person would, they abducted one. Drake says that she noticed a young boy walking away from the school after she dropped off her own child. She picked him up and says he didn't know where he lived and he didn't want to go back to school. So she took him to the Clark County School District office. The police have a different story. They say she drove him around to various locations before going to Clermont's house to call the media and set up a meeting at the Clark County Board of Trustees building, where they would turn the boy over to the School District. It looks like these two are only going to prove how easy it is to go to jail for kidnapping.